Is this on purpose?

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by angie5, Feb 18, 2015.

  1. angie5

    angie5 Member

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    My roommate and I have had an attraction to each other for about 8 months now. It has grown and grown, however, there are things that have made me hesitate when it comes to pursuing her. She's a little loose for me. So, without talking about this, we have decided to go our separate ways in relationships. It's just a mutual understanding. Cool. So, since she has been seeing this new girl, she continually asks me to go to events that they will happen to be at. This is the problem.. my roommate and I still have that attraction to each other. She parades around the house in these tight shorts and shirts with her breast poking out...but I have self restraint. I mean I still look, but I don't touch. So,this is the thing... why is she asking me to go to clubs/parties where the two of them will be? I really don't care for the other girl either. Why would I put myself in that situation right? Also, my roommate, well she is still a friend of mine so sometimes I feel obligated to go to one of her functions or events. When I talk about going out with my company, I don't invite her. Why would I?? And she has times when she seems upset that I am going out with someone and she hasn't met her yet..lmao. Anyway would it be wrong for me to pass on this event? What do you ladies think?
     
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  2. Emm

    Emm Well-Known Member

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    Can you repeat the question....because I'm a little confused here.
    It seems like you don't want to go out to things with her, you clearly don't want her to go out to things with you...and yet... you're asking if it's wrong to do exactly what you just said you don't want to do.
    If you're friends and it's all cool, yeah, go to her things sometimes, but not out of some sense of obligation.
     
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  3. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

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    You're roommates. You have an attraction but you've decided not to go there. Ok...got it...

    But, either you're friends or you're not. There's a certain comfort level with friends -- friends invite each other to go out to events. Friends invite friends to hang out with their significant others. The problem, it seems, is yours.

    It seems to me that your lines are blurred...like...for you it has to be an all or nothing scenario. You're failing to recognize that there is a middle ground called friendship.
     
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  4. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    Bang her. Then have a threesome with her and her kinda lady friend.

    That's all I got.

    Or when the lease is up, move out and put this stress behind you.

    I think @Spygirl is right. You have this set of rules you think she should follow 'too loose,' 'no skimpy clothes around the house,' 'no social invites,' etc... But those rules aren't universal.

    (edited post in italics)
    In retrospect, I could have been kinder in my advice. I apologize for that.

    I think you are interpreting her actions one way - kind of sexualizing a lot of them and feeling like she is teasing or flirting. But she may not mean things that way at all.

    My wife chills around the house pretty skimpily dressed. She does it to be comfy - she's not trying to wind me up 24-7.

    Similarly social invites, compliments about your looks, etc... can also just be the kind of things that friends do with each other. And not meant as a tease or flirt.

    If you aren't ok with certain things you could ask. 'Hey, I'm struggling with my feelings for you, no more pantsless hugs, please.'

    But if you are so attracted to her that you can't deal with normal roommate stuff - her chilling in her pjs, her bras drying in the bathroom, etc... you might need to move out. It's not fair to ask her to act like a nun in her own home.

    (This part below is a bit harsh in the light of day, I apoligize).
    You aren't the center of the universe. She may be wearing comfy clothes to... be comfortable. (Idk, a thought). She may be inviting you places to socialize and bring her lady into her circle of friends.

    Quit personalizing everything. If you need her to cover up a little, just ask.
     
    #4
    Last edited: Feb 19, 2015
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  5. LPretreat

    LPretreat Active Member

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    Lmao omg "bang her".

    Sounds like you two are meant for each other. You can't help who you're attracted to so don't expect it to just go away because you didn't act on it. I'm guessing you either stay friends and move past that part of it, go your separate ways or just actually try to have a relationship. And what do you mean by loose? Is her p*ssy hanging through her underwear or does she sleep around too much?
     
    #5
  6. Just Me

    Just Me Well-Known Member

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    This is why I never had roommates... I like walking around in my underwear too much, they'd think I was loose and hitting on them...

    Be an adult and talk to her about this and decide if you should
    1: get over it
    2: give the relationship a try
    3: move out because you can't keep your hands to yourself.
     
    #6
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  7. sela9

    sela9 Well-Known Member

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    No, It sounds like your roommate is not into you and is just inviting you to hang out. She probably likes your company or even feels bad if she doesn't invite you places since you guys do live together. Sounds like she is not into you as anything more than a friend... sorry. start saying no and do your own thing
     
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  8. Liv Liv

    Liv Liv Member

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    If you're not comfortable going to the events, don't go to the events.

    It's possible you're reading into her actions a little too much... she might be trying to be nice by inviting you into her world because there was an acknowledged mutual attraction that you two decided not to pursue. Maybe she's just trying to be a considerate person and might think your feelings were hurt by not exploring that desire so she's trying to show you that you can still be a part of her life. I don't know, it's possible.

    As for the clothes bit... did the temp in your shared living space change (as in "oh, it's not summer anymore, better turn on the heat")? Does she dress drastically different with other people there / her going other places? Maybe being in a new relationship has effected how comfortable she is with showing her body or something? There are a lot of reasons she could be dressing in revealing clothes in the living space.

    Overall, I agree with doing your own thing. The more you have a strong sense of self, the easier saying "no" when you don't want to go to her stuff will be, the easier it will be to just be friends and the more you can focus on other, more important things in your life. Just go out there and do you.
     
    #8
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  9. angie5

    angie5 Member

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    Thanks for the responses ladies!!
     
    #9

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