Is this a signal for me?

Discussion in 'Does She Like Me?' started by Rach72, Nov 10, 2015.

  1. Rach72

    Rach72 Member

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    Hi guys! I posted here a while back asking for help. A lot of you said the woman I was crushing on didn't seem ready to admit about her sexuality and that she POSSIBLY liked me but if she did she would probably deny it.

    So yesterday she said something and I'm wondering if it's a signal that she is ready to talk about it.

    The conversation went like this....So we both jokingly raced to the microwave at lunch (we are coworkers) and I said I thought I was going to have to fight her for the microwave. She said we would mud wrestle for it. I was like oh yeah in a bikini. She said no you wouldn't want to see me in one. I openly checked her out and said I would wanna see her in a bikini. She said that she thought I looked hot in a bikini and if she was a guy that she would be into hot athletic women's bodies like what I have. Then she said that there was a study in the news that women are all a bit bi. I asked her if that was true of her and she said yes!! She would be part of that study!! I was trying to take it further to see how she would react to further questions about her sexuality so then I said there is another study about finger size and the ring finger being longer meaning you were likely to be gay to which she made a show of hers being longer!

    I couldn't speak to her today but I was thinking when she goes out for cigarettes breaks on her own that maybe a should 'bump' into her and tell her I was thinking about what she said and just ask her if she is bi? It's taken her almost a year to get to this point again where she has hinted she may like ladies too and I don't want to miss my chance but at the same time I know she gets scared and I don't want to totally scare her off. What would you guys do?
     
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  2. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

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    I wouldn't date a coworker -- those situations all end up really ugly.

    But, however, she's either flirting with you or she suspects you like her and she really gets off on getting attention from you.

    Go ahead and push the envelope -- but be prepared for the consequences later.
     
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  3. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    see signature vv
     
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  4. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    HELLLLL NO!

    If you look around on things I tell people, if there is a drop of romance I could find in situation I would encourage it. She is just there flirting in the office to break up the doldrum of work. If she had wanted anything remotely to do with you she would have asked you to hang out more outside the office. That kind of banter you are doing, and openly checking someone out is grounds for all kinds of HR stuff if one day she happens not to like the way you part you hair. It may seem mutual until someone puts in a complaint. Or even if she doesn't complain someone else seeing or hearing this can say about you creating an environment that is wrong for work.

    Tone it way down and keep it friendly but flirt no more. Go out and find a date outside, way outside the office. You are too invested in what's going on there and wanting to date one of its minions.
     
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  5. ithaki

    ithaki New Member

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    Go for it, playfully but carefully, staying on her level of banter. No big issue with dating a coworker unless she/he is your boss/subordinate. Good luck and keep posted!
     
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  6. Rach72

    Rach72 Member

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    Ok update. I went for it, following us having an argument over which woman we found hotter (Kim k or nicki m if you were wondering) and asked her if what she said earlier in the the week meant she actually liked women as well as men.

    She said that the study had said that a lot of women found women hot where as Hetero guys would find just women hot and that a lot of women would be slightly bi/lesbian and could find other women attractive. She said she had a lesbian friend (who was really lesbian looking accordingly to her) who asked her if she wanted to try but she never did. I said so you have never done anything with a women? She said no but then its not to say that it couldn't happen one day. Then she went on to say about another coworker who hates people thinking she is gay. To which I said she goes a bad way about it as she always tells me about her boobs. To this she replied that's because I am not a threat. How do I become a threat? I seriously think I am treated like the little sister sometimes!! Anyway back to the point, now I think about it she never really answered whether she was attracted to women or not....
     
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  7. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    Rach, it goes back to my thinking that she is not into you in any romantic way. She is using you for a flirt at work. Straight, married women have talked like that to me at work thinking that I was straight. I neither encouraged or rejected them, I just laughed it off. Some women who have no intentions of actually sleeping with women would joke flirt. The more cruel ones would actually joke flirt with an out lgbtq woman.

    I have seen peers at work put in sexual harrassment complaints at work. I have seen a guy fired for aggressively hitting on women who were his peers. I was his friend and was privy to his point of view and he thought they were flirting back. Even if you don't care about that, why would you keep hitting on this person who doesn't seem to care about you the way you need her to, or someone who would take you seriously. Please take your feelings as a precious thing and look elsewhere. Give real romance a chance.
     
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  8. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

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    She's just not that into you -- her conversation reveals that in my mind. Even if she is attracted to women, she has made it clear in saying "you are not a threat" that she is not attracted to you in THAT way.

    Leave it alone and find romance elsewhere.
     
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  9. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    She is not into you. She does all this girl talk stuff with you, because she is NOT attracted to you and therefore feels safe to talk about her breasts, her sexual experiences, how she feels about homosexuality, etc...

    YOU ARE IN THE FRIEND ZONE...

    All these things that you are reading as signs of attraction are really signs of THE FRIEND ZONE.

    You want her to be attracted to you, so you keep trying to bargain "but she told me about being open to being with women." Why yes, friends sometimes talk about their sexual orientation with each other, that does equal "hey, I am bi and guess what, I totally want you!!"

    You have written a number of threads, obsessing about fairly small things "she bumps me at the lunch counter, we talk girl talk at work." Again - you want her to be attracted to you, so you read her interactions as signs of attraction (she raced me to the microwave!)

    Deep down you that...
    If she sees you as a "little sister," she is never going to want you and is never going to hook up with you. Because hooking up with your kid sister is just totally gross and creepy.

    So move on. And cut out the flirting and breast talk at work, it could get you in a lot of trouble.
     
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  10. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

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    So, wait...you mean that whenever I've had a conversation with a woman who told me she was into women, she wasn't necessarily into ME??????? But but but..you mean those are different?????? That a woman may be bisexual or even lesbian doesn't automatically mean that she wanted to get me into bed?

    I think I will weep now over this ego-crushing realization. <sigh>
     
    #10
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