Is my friend queerbaiting me?

Discussion in 'Does She Like Me?' started by Deleted member 64835, Jan 21, 2020.

  1. Has anyone else ever experienced this? I'm a bi woman, and I dress a little towards the femme/neutral side, depends on the day. So therefore, not everyone I meet is aware that I'm queer.

    So here's what happened. Back in the summer I went on a weekend getaway with a few female friends, one person I just met that weekend, while the others were already my friends. At one point during the trip,we were all talking about dating and relationships, so I mentioned my sexuality. The new girl started to say that she had a bisexual friend in middle school who used to flirt with her, etc etc, but other than that, no one seemed to care or have any negative response to me sharing that, and nothing else happened o that trip.

    Here's where things get frustrating:

    I didn't see this girl again for a few months, and ran into her again at a party. This time, she was all over me from the beginning, saying things like "omg I haven't seen you in forever! How are you? Sit next to me, let's hang out soon, etc." She put her arms around me, hugged me, etc. It caught me off guard, since I barely knew her, but nothing alarming. Maybe she's just a touchy-feely person?

    Later in the evening, she sat next to me and was sort of leaning into me. We were squished on the couch, so I ended up putting my arm around her. After that, she leaned in even further, and we ended up cuddling really close together and holding hands with fingers intertwined. At one point she got up to use the bathroom, and came back and sat right next to me again. Shortly after that, I had to leave, though things were definitely escalating. Not sure what would have happened if I had stayed later. I usually have a good gaydar, but not too sure about this one.

    Long story short, we never talked about that evening, and it's happened a couple more times since. Though I noticed this only happens when there's alcohol involved... Do you think this girl is queerbaiting me? Has this happened to anyone else? We're 25-30 age gap, so this type of behaviour seems immature to me, and I've had my share of situations in the past where things sparked at parties and no one talked about it. Trying to be mature and avoid a potential disaster, and so far she's not even my type.

    Also, she has a boyfriend. Not that touchy with him!

    Is she curious? Questioning? Straight but likes attention?
     
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  2. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    Some people go bi when they drink, they do it for a thrill in addition to their own relationships. Maybe they figure this is not real cheating if they went with a gender diff from their partners. For example, a gay man I once knew would go bi when he got wasted and so he ended up “experimenting” with women a few times.
     
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  3. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

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    What's that joke? What's the difference between a straight girl and a lesbian? 2 beers...

    Alcohol lowers inhibitions...she might be curious or questioning or even trying to come to terms with who she is and/or possibly liking you....but it's easy when you're scared of rejection to write something off as alcohol-induced.

    The issue is hers, not yours. Maybe you gently limit interactions when she's imbibed...especially b/c she has a boyfriend and isn't even your type.
     
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  4. Writer23

    Writer23 Well-Known Member

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    You are the one who put it out there that you are bi and was frustrated that it took some time to see her again. She is very possibly playing a game because you made it clear to her that you are into chicks. No matter the case, the boyfriend part is enough to let it go.
     
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  5. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    @Writer23 pointed out something that is kind of important, about talking about our own sexuality. It is frustrating to me that this had been a problem since women in more progressive towns have been coming out at work like 20 years ago only to find themselves having to emotionally protect themselves from straight flirty women. Some straight women will actually start flirting with you when you are out just because they wanted to know what it is like to be liked by a woman and so therefore live vicariously through you.
    I don’t get that you got frustrated for not having seen her for a few weeks, were you?
     
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