Is my colleague just being friendly?

Discussion in 'Does She Like Me?' started by sundancer, Oct 3, 2014.

  1. sundancer

    sundancer Well-Known Member

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    At the moment, I'm a little bit confused as to whether my colleague has a crush on me. I know I have one, I get butterflies when we sit next to each other and we do tease each other in the office as well. Both of us work every Friday afternoon and I do not direct her to do any work, so things are pretty relaxed as long as we get the work done. The people at the office have worked with each other for years, and regularly go out for dinner/coffee with each other. I've only been there for a few months. Normally I would steer clear of office relationships as I do believe in the saying, "never mix your pens in the office ink" but in this case I'm not sure whether just to try.

    My question is two fold. Firstly, do you think she has a crush on me as well? The reason why I ask that is a couple of weeks ago, it was just us a few of us in the office. I sat at a different workstation which just so happened to be near hers... ok I did purposely sit at the front because it was warmer, there are plenty of windows compared to the place where I normally sit at is nicknamed 'the morgue' because it has no windows, it's a little cold, and it kind of has an eerie feeling. Also, my colleague sits in the room opposite the 2 unused workstations with all of the windows.

    She normally comes in on Friday afternoons so I let her in as I was the closest to the front door, but of course I teased her first before letting her in. But I try to remain professional and just return to my desk. A few minutes later, instead of her saying "Hi" or "Excuse me", she gives me a shock by rubbing my arm up and down. She says to me that she needs help to log into the computer and I help her to log in... the weird thing though is that she has been working there for a little bit longer than I have and of course the first thing you do whenever you start work or even go away from the computer for a little bit is to enter your log in.

    For afternoon tea, I go grab and apple and while I'm walking back to my desk she turns around and starts talking to me and asks me how I'm going. So of course I end up talking to her and we talk for ages... about ourselves, our families, and of course - we end up talking about dating. I probably missed a few things, and the thing that stuck out was that I was telling her that I'm not really seeing anyone right now but I am ready to start dating again but I don't know where to start. My colleague replies, "You can look at me" and looks down. I was like, "Aww that's so cute..." and then there's this pause... I finally respond by saying, "I am looking at you. Right now. ;)" However my tone was more of a joke and I only meant it as "Yes I'm looking straight at your face right now" kind of thing.

    Anyway I end up going back to my desk to do work and after a while she turns around and I end up giving her my last name to look in one of our databases for fun. I guess it'd be the equivalent of Googling ourselves but we only googled me. I notice she is having an online chat with someone (not a colleague) but I don't know what they're talking to each other about. At the end of the working day, we walk to our cars and she asks me whether I am working the next Friday and I say yes.

    The next Friday, I end up training her on one of my duties as I was away last Friday. I was a bit worried that I couldn't really teach her anything as there was nothing in the work queue, so I gave her some basic instructions. I asked if she wanted my phone number to contact me just in case she got stuck. She said no it's ok, she just wants me to get back as soon as I can so that I can do the work instead of her. She also teases me as usual while I'm training.

    So yeah... is she into me? Or does she know that I like her and is just trying to confirm it?

    Finally, if she is into me or you think this requires further investigation as to whether she likes me or not, what should I even say to her while still being professional?
     
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  2. anonymous160

    anonymous160 Member

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    Hey sundancer. I am in the same position as you (I have a post on here too) with a colleague. In fact it seems pretty similar with the turning around to chat and teasing and so on. I thought these were all good signs but when she didn't take your number I'm not so sure. But then yeah she said you could look at her. I can see why you are confused!! I think, as you say, this requires more investigation. It's hard though with it being at work and not wanting to say more than you should but at the same time badly crushing on this person! For instance my crush had been really interested (well I think she was) and now for the last couple of weeks she has been ignoring me (and not giving any flirty signs) I don't know what this means, Whether I said too much and she wasn't interested (and now thinks I'm weird) or I didn't say enough and she lost interested.
     
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  3. Cricket

    Cricket Well-Known Member

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    Anonymous, when I feel like someone isn't reciprocating my advances, I withdraw quickly and completely. One, I would never want to make someone feel uncomfortable. Two, it's a little embarrassing. Three, I don't like to waste my time. However, if I received a nudge from said person, like a "hey, why aren't you playing with me anymore?", I would start back up again.

    Sundancer: more investigation, evidence, and information needed.
     
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  4. sundancer

    sundancer Well-Known Member

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    It's been a few weeks since I last posted here. But mainly I want to post this - women are SO confusing!!

    Last week my eyes kind of popped out of its head with what she wore. I couldn't help but check her out even when my other colleagues were there - she just looked so hot. She said she was wearing it because she was going out for dinner. We also talked about boys - she said she thought Ben Affleck was hot. So I was ready to just chalk her down as being straight and that was cool with me.

    Today she wore her normal clothes - nothing that would make my mind wander which was a relief - because I spent most of my time with my superior and her office is next to my crush's. The main take away for today which confused me after I chalked her down as being straight and not into me is that this afternoon I was more forgetful than usual but it was ok since it was a Friday. I blamed it on Young Memory Brain syndrome. I told my superior in a deadpan voice that it was a thing, and she believed me. haha I then said my crush will get it next after me because I'm over the hill now.

    After the meeting with my superior, she went to the kitchen and asked whether I wanted a coffee or a tea. I was like, "Yeah, I probably need one - I'm not usually that absent minded... probably not a coffee, a tea would be good though." Then I went to the kitchen and saw mint hot chocolate and was like, "Ooo that looks good but I can't have it. Maybe I'll just have a cup of tea." I turned around to go to my office and get my mug, when my crush turned around from her office (which is next to the kitchen) and said, "Or you could just drink me." and smiled.

    In the corner of my eye, I saw my superior turn around to look at me... I was surprised my crush actually said that because it was right in front of our superior who is actually one of my extended family members. I was completely dumbfounded and I didn't know what to say so I just went :? and walked off. I ended up telling one of my friends this and she's like, "You know there's only one way for you to answer that... but it would land you in a sexual harassment suit in the future." But she's also confused whether my crush likes me or not... but I would agree with her in regards to the potential sexual harassment suit or at least a sit down to sort it out considering the big bosses of the company are also my relatives. And of course, because it's a family matter it will be circulating (if my superior can't keep it a secret).
     
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  5. Coffee Addict

    Coffee Addict Well-Known Member

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    You provided an extra piece of information that is very important. There is a potential conflict of interest (and you getting in trouble) given that you are related to the owners of the company. I personally try to stay out of trouble.

    On the other hand, and considering the reaction of your superior, she can get in trouble too for saying overly flirty comments to you (even if they are well intended). It is better to keep it professional at work.

    She sounds like a very playful, witty person so it is hard to tell how much truth are behind her comments. I, myself, can't resist talking back at certain situations (like trying to be sassy) and that has landed me in trouble. So I wouldn't read too much into it, and just let it be.

    Wish you luck.

    -CA
     
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  6. sundancer

    sundancer Well-Known Member

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    Thanks CA. I ended up talking about this with a couple of my friends, some of whom are in HR-related careers. They were really surprised that such a strong comment came from my colleague, and they said it's a good thing I did not respond as it could have led me into hot water. Although I probably could have come up with something if my superior was not there. haha

    Right now I'm just leaving it. I had more thought about whether I should see if she does like me but I think you're right in regards to it being a conflict of interest since it is the family business and I have influence on certain purchasing decisions.

    My crush asked me last week if I wanted to go for coffee or dinner but unfortunately I had a prior engagement. I probably will ask her if she wants to go for coffee/dinner next time I see her and just keep it friendly and not flirty. If anything develops I'm off the hook (in terms of conflict of interest) in February 2015!
     
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  7. Coffee Addict

    Coffee Addict Well-Known Member

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    I think your friends gave you good input. Keep it professional (bite your tongue when she makes those comments, it's hard, I know), and like you said, if it will be, it will be after February 2015. In the meantime, you can get to know her as a friend.

    Enjoy your coffee :)

    Good luck,

    -- CA.
     
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  8. sundancer

    sundancer Well-Known Member

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    Thanks CA. I ended up meeting up with her after work hours. It was interesting... we had heaps of fun. But I probably won't hang out with her again outside of work. She's younger than me, but what I discovered was that it's not that she is immature for her age - it's that she is actually really ignorant. I was not expecting that at all.
     
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