Is it possible

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by Maison Clicquot, Dec 16, 2013.

  1. Maison Clicquot

    Maison Clicquot Well-Known Member

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    to be romantic and frigid at the same time ? just not enjoying the sex. I don't know how someone with a high libido can fall in love with a frigid woman and is not actually all about routine; so if someone would like to spend one minute to help me understand that, it would be cool :D
     
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  2. lorienczhiu

    lorienczhiu Well-Known Member

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    A few things:
    1. Frigid is a pretty judgy, negative word. People who don't enjoy sex generally prefer ace or asexual, or use descriptors of their sex drive and libido. "Frigid" implies that there is something wrong with them, that they are cold and unkind; the folks I know who identify as ace are pretty much the opposite.
    2. There are asexual romantics. There are aromantic sexual folks. There are aromantic asexuals. Although the majority of folks are romantic and sexual, people are pretty delightfully different and varied.
    3. Relationships between sexual and asexual people take some negotiation, but they work. How they work is a question for the people in them, not a topic of speculation for the rest of us.
    4. Rather than asking us, check out http://www.asexuality.org/home/ for information straight from the source.
     
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  3. Maison Clicquot

    Maison Clicquot Well-Known Member

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    Negotiation without sex. They work that much, that most of the partners with high libido end up cheating or feel frustrated. Frigid is not a judgy and negative word, is for cold people and has a few meanings, I mentioned what I was referring to exactly. Why would I not be allowed to learn about other kind of relationships, just because I'm not in one ? I will learn. Is not a topic of speculation you make it sound bad now.
     
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  4. lorienczhiu

    lorienczhiu Well-Known Member

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    Negotiation without sex. They work that much, that most of the partners with high libido end up cheating or feel frustrated. Nope; negotiation, meaning that partners with different desires reach consensus through discussion and compromise. For some couples, this means masturbation, or occasional sex. For others, it means a consensual open/poly relationship so that the sexual partner can meet those needs (without cheating or frustration). You have a lot of assumptions about why this won't work, but I know folks who are in very successful long term ace/sexual relationships, and there is no negativity or frustration on either side.

    Frigid is not a judgy and negative word, is for cold people and has a few meanings, I mentioned what I was referring to exactly. People without sexual desire are not cold. Often, they are very affectionate, kind, value physical affection, and in other ways very warm - they just don't want or need sex. Calling them "frigid" pigeonholes them in with a term that may not represent their personality very well. When I say what they prefer, this is what I have learned from my friends who identify this way. You can use the word "frigid," but please recognize that it's not a preferred term - rather like most trans* people object to words like shemale or crossdresser - and might be hurtful to some asexual folks.

    Why would I not be allowed to learn about other kind of relationships, just because I'm not in one ?
    By all means, learn. I provided you with a resource to learn from the people who identify this way. However, if you're going to learn, please respect the experience of the ace and allied folks who are offering you information and accept that their views and vocabulary about their relationships may be different than what you assumed.
     
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  5. Maison Clicquot

    Maison Clicquot Well-Known Member

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    I already know about the consensual open/poly relationships and I was quite sure you would say that you personally know folks who are in these relationships. I have read some of that what you gave me, but I knew I would find some vague answers. The few people you know, the few cases on this website, compared to the population of aces in the whole world, I believe there are more frustrated than happy partners in this case. A negotiation is formal, but not beaten in the stone. How many are open-minded, loyal or for how long can they stay loyal, can be thankful with masturbation, or being so much in love and passionate about their partners, that they really feel good for sharing their passion through sex with a stranger ? I never believe absolutely everyone who claims to be truly happy, many people lie.
    I used the "frigid" word, because it has more meanings, so I wrote out the part that I was interested about but I let it like that, to let a place for the possibility to find out if there can be a case where there's a cold person who is romantic and asexual and how a sexual person can fall in love with such person.

    " is for cold people" my bad, didn't mean it that way.
     
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