Is it okay for me to be with her?

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by Supposedly interesting, May 25, 2015.

  1. Supposedly interesting

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    This calls for a long story, but I'll try to keep it as short as possible.

    I recently moved in with my friend (a man). He, let's call him S has fallen in love with this girl - let's call her H.
    We all (S, H and I) go to school together, in the same class.
    S talks about H constantly, he has sent flowers to her, and is truly madly in love with her. S has gotten all sorts of signs and signals from H, and he does think, that they have been flirting.

    H and I talk once in a while - mostly in school, but the other day we met up and drank a beer. All of a sudden she asked me: "Why did you want to drink a beer?"
    I looked at her and told her, I thought it would be fun. She then told me, that she kind of thought that it was a date.

    Apparently, all the flirtatious signals H has sent to S was meant for me. As she said: "He forgets who he is always standing/sitting next to" (ME!)

    H has liked me for a good amount of time now, but hasn't had the courage to act on it, but when we saw each other the other day, she put all the cards on the table.
    She has never been with a girl before, so I am her "first".

    I told her that it was a very odd situation for me, because one of my best friends, S, is in love with her, and he constantly talks about her, and I really don't know what to do with the information H gave me, because now it's just even more weird than before.

    I DO find H attractive, and I would definitely hook up with her, but I am not sure wether or not it's okay, when my friend is in love with her.

    On one side, I don't want to be with her, because of S, but on the other hand - if she's into girls, wouldn't S understand?

    Please, give me your thoughts on this one.
     
    #1
  2. Moses

    Moses Well-Known Member

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    Oh lord. Well this is a bit of a two sided coin. I think your first port of call is your friend S, cause really if he hasn't been with her or got anything definite from her, he isn't really in love with her, it is just an infatuation that ran away with itself. And she doesn't want him or doesn't owe him anything really. All ye owe him is consideration for his feelings, so start there. What would be considerate without compromising what you need and what is in your path? A convo with him maybe? Tell him that she likes you...you can squirm and make as many sympathetic for his plight faces as possible, but tell him the truth. He might need a bitta time, but if he is equally considerate to you, he will give you the green light. Cause as it stands, he hasn't anything to gain from not except continuing an empty infatuation, whereas you potentially have a lot to gain by been given the green light from him. yea, give him the option to be the bigger person, but if he makes the choice to stand between you 'n her, he isn't that cool anyway...tsk, if only feelings were rational things :p

    good luck
     
    #2
    greylin and Nancy like this.
  3. Narley

    Narley Well-Known Member

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    Umm weren't you the poster for the "what happened" in the "does she like me" section? Is this the same girl?
     
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    Bluenote likes this.
  4. Lauren_1989

    Lauren_1989 Active Member

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    If I were you I'd tread carefully with this one.... Firstly, your friend has voiced how he feels about this girl and if your feelings for her don't go further than a casual hook up then maybe it would just be worth finding someone else instead, there's no point hurting him over something that doesn't mean that much to you. Secondly, what is your set up at home? Did you and S go and find an apartment together or did you move in with him? The last thing you want is to upset the apple cart if you're living under his roof. No doubt he will feel extremely hurt and betrayed by this and so, if you're happy with your living situation and don't really have any strong feelings for this girl, I would let this one slide and find another girl that comes without all the potential drama.
     
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