Is it easy to call it off?

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by Sunlighttttt, Jan 20, 2016.

  1. Sunlighttttt

    Sunlighttttt Member

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    Hi, dear AE!
    I read a lot of sad stories about ending relationship, but all are stories about being left, broken, dumped, cheated.

    My story is different.
    I am broken now, but I did it myself. I walked away...I initiated our separation. I loved and will always love my gf, but we can't be together.
    Reality did not let us be together. We have a lot of complicity and I don't really want to go into details.

    Have anyone been in my position?

    I had been dumped before, my ex-gfs cheated on me and left me broken in million pices. So I know how it feels and I would never hurt anyone like this.
    But situation now is different, I'm not cheating or found new one, but I gave up to fight with reality.
    It was not easy decision in my life and may be I'm doing the biggest mistake...I don't really know.
     
    #1
  2. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

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    You have to listen to that little voice inside you. Whether it's reality or not, something is telling you not to be in the relationship, so you have to accept that at this moment, that is your truth.

    When you start second guessing yourself or failing to listen to what you know is your truth, then you end up making a situation worse. When something is telling you not to be in the relationship, then you're also not able to give 100% of yourself to the relationship -- and that's not fair to the other person.

    Breakups are never easy -- even for the one doing the breaking up. But you should never stay in a relationship out of guilt.
     
    #2
    Last edited: Jan 21, 2016
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  3. Vonvon87

    Vonvon87 Member

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    my girlfriend recently broke up with me due to it feeling like we turned into really good friends, no cheating , no other person involved and no arguments. It hurts like hell but eventually i will come to relaize it just wasnt meant to be , if you're unsure talk about your feeling with a friend or if you can your gf.

    My now ex hates seeing me hurt but knew by carrying on she was hurting herself and me, you need to be happy and so does your girlfriend and uncertainty in a relationship will eventually tear you apart and could end up hurting you both even more.
     
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  4. Sunlighttttt

    Sunlighttttt Member

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    Thank you, Spygirl, for reply.
    Sometimes I feel like running back to her, I miss her so much, but then I think about all circumstances in our lifes and don't think we can solve it soon. And I can't be like this anymore..
     
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  5. Sunlighttttt

    Sunlighttttt Member

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    Exactly - I could not bare uncertainty anymore. I tried to talk to my gf, tried to make her to do something about it, but she has her complicity and I could not force her to change anything in her life.
    It is hurting to leave your beloved one. And all I can do just pray and wish she will be strong enough to go through it.
     
    #5
  6. Vonvon87

    Vonvon87 Member

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    It's going to be hard for you both. There will be good and bad days, believe me I know, it'll seem like her whole world is falling apart and everything she has known has changed. But day by day you realise that you're still breathing And the world keeps turning.
    Hopefully you both have support outside the relationship to lean on.
    We both found suddenly people dropped everything to give you sometime. She'll be lost for a bit but as everyone keeps saying to me "things happen for a reason" who knows this could be the best thing you ever do for her.
     
    #6
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  7. Sunlighttttt

    Sunlighttttt Member

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    Thank you so much for your words.
    I do hope that it is good for her. I do pray that she is fine, even I miss her so much.
    Some moments I feel I'm doing the biggest mistake in my life...
     
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  8. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    I have felt that before when I had walked away from something that wasn't good for me. Some angry inner voice said it was a mistake. Though another inner voice earlier had told me it was the right thing to do. Time has made the verification that it was the best thing for me. And looking back, the latter voice was dead wrong.

    Your earlier instinct did not just pop up and help you make that decision over night. It has been running in the background and warning you for a while. You are a thoughtful person and this last bit of feeling like it may have been a mistake is a common thing and a useful thing for a thoughtful person to have. Even after having made a decision, you would still want to make sure. What helped me at the time to stick with my decision was part knowing that all the issues would still be there and that I would disappear into that relationship. The other part that helped me was I was simply stubborn against panicky and loud inner voices.
     
    #8
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  9. Sunlighttttt

    Sunlighttttt Member

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    I am really lost...I feel like I messed up everything. But in the same time, I know that all issues will still be there.
    My gf said I'm practical minded, but all I wanted just to have her in my everyday life.
    Is it too much to wish for?
     
    #9
  10. Vonvon87

    Vonvon87 Member

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    It seems you broke up for a reason and like you said yourself those reasons will still be there unless she really wants to change. Give yourselves some time apart if it's meant to be it will and if not you will have learnt from this, you will have learnt what it is you want/need from her or a future partner .
     
    #10
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  11. yhatz_07

    yhatz_07 New Member

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    OMG! it's like im reading my current situation. This is exactly how i feel right now. :(
     
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  12. hum_dinger

    hum_dinger Well-Known Member

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    I don't know if this situation is anything like yours but my first girlfriend had Borderline Personality Disorder. We were together for 4 years and in the end I had to end it for my own sanity.

    That was the hardest decision of my life because part of me wanted to stay with her and sacrifice my own happiness to ensure hers. She was the kindest person and I hated myself for breaking her heart.

    Sometimes no matter how much you want it to work, it just doesn't. What ever the reason for your break up, you may never forget the heart ache you feel but it will fade and you will learn from it.

    What ever you decide, I hope things work out for you. Good luck!
     
    #12
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  13. Sunlighttttt

    Sunlighttttt Member

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    Thank you for your reply. It is the most difficult decision I've ever made...I hate myself for hurting her :(
    And still I don't know if I made it right or not....
     
    #13

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