Is it because I'm gay?

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by anonymous6483, Oct 6, 2013.

  1. anonymous6483

    anonymous6483 Well-Known Member

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    I joined the coed ice hockey here in our town, a very diverse group, but most of us are aged 16-19. I really enjoyed playing and I'm not really planning to quit but I get depressed after/before the trainings/games because most of the group is picking on me or just plainly hates me and I don't even know why. I tried thinking about it but I always come to the conclusion that I didn't do anything bad to them. I mean really, I'm a very neutral person, and goes with the flow, and if you ask people esp my friends they will tell you that kindness is my number one trait plus I look like a "little japanese boy" as some of my friends would say, so I probably look harmless. Most of them are really rich, I always hear it in practice, it's like a pre-requisite to playing hockey here, but me I'm just living the middle-class life it just happens I'm passionate for sports. Is that one factor why they hate me? coz I'm not as rich as them? Or is it because I'm a lesbian? I know I shouldn't let them get the best of me and I won't, but I just wanna know why would they hate me when they didn't even gave the chance to know me?
     
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  2. Maison Clicquot

    Maison Clicquot Well-Known Member

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    As a person that has experience with bullies for 5 years, I assure you that's not the problem at all. I am a silenced person and none of the bullies was ever better looking than me, and not all of them were rich kids. I am a medium class too and bullies came from all kind of families; they take silenced children as weak and fools. Last time I was bullied by two bitches, which one of them it's a freaking 19 y.o. pregnant and the other one a fat ass, and I had to waste time to argue with them, just because they are fucktards. Kids are evil and mean, you have to argue with them if you want them to cease bully you. Don't shut up, because they will never stop as long as you are there. My stupid colleagues are all girls and the bullies are so angry, they raises their voice, the fat one is getting so hysterical sometimes and when I look at their faces, I dream about how much I just want to torture them in the most sadistic ways. Keep your calm, be cool, I do the same. You don't have to give a fuck, just slap their faces with the right words and in time they will not have much to say, if they are smart enough to observe that they make a fool out of them. Trust me, they are really weak people and I have been through worse, to physical violence and I made many bullies cry, my last sack of meat was three years ago, and she cried in front of the whole school. Ahhh, sweet victory :twisted:
     
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  3. Love*Cali

    Love*Cali Well-Known Member

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    At this stage in life (teen years), people generally are only nice to those who look or act like them. If you are different, you will likely feel ostracized at times. These are not great quality people, however,for they follow the crowd and cannot think for themselves. The truly worthy people are the ones who accept you. This is where you become strong. Sometimes you do need to be alone and do need to learn to enjoy your own company. People generally grow up. They quit acting like teens when they hit the middle to late twenties. But there will always be people who don't agree with the lifestyle or perhaps your personal style.

    No matter what, try going through life with confidence and self-assurance. You will respect yourself and others will be more likely to respect you. We don't live to impress other people. Always keep that in mind.
     
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  4. Maison Clicquot

    Maison Clicquot Well-Known Member

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    Cali, I am in a school where all of us are over 18 but under 25 years old, that's one of the requirement. The age doesn't play a big part in bullying; in a middle class job, you will meet the same people, they lick the boss ass in front of you and they will stab you behind everytime they get a chance. There's a girl who doesn't look alright at all and almost all the girls which are in their twenties are making fun of her. There are barely few in the whole school that they actually reached maturity in their twenties. We have pedagogs and two of them are quite the same like those bully, that mindset never dies, no matter how grown up they are. I changed 8 general schools and I have seen many kinds of teachers also, I remember some of them bitching about children. Which they should be an example to children. Bullying will come in many forms from different places, as long you are a silenced loner, that makes you an easy target for them. I have more experience than you do :D
     
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  5. Love*Cali

    Love*Cali Well-Known Member

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    Of course bullying continues on through the work place as you get older. However, it is quite different and much calmer than in High School. You will come across several b*tchy people but there will be plenty more who choose to think for themselves. To add to this, as you get older, you begin to care less, thus are not as affected by it. Again, 25+ people generally begin to grow out of it though it is still there. I'm not sure you've had more experience (I too went to 10 different schools k-12 grade and I had an unfortunate adolescent period) but I believe you when you say that you witness it.
     
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  6. Maison Clicquot

    Maison Clicquot Well-Known Member

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    I have a lot of experience and I stand up for myself for years, at first, it was because I didn't speak good enough their language. Through the things I have been through, this longevity should have turn me into a suicidal kid. I still did not went through the worse of all, being hit without a reason, or spit on me, like it happens to others. They are really big mouthed here. It might not affect you mentally when it happens at your work, but there can appear some misunderstanding because of bitches.
     
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  7. anonymous6483

    anonymous6483 Well-Known Member

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    Thanks for your responses! This is actually my first time to get this kind of treatment. I mean, in school, my mates love me coz they think I'm cute and funny(that's what they always write on my "What do you think of me" activity lol)and I never was really in a fight with anyone(Except with the boys who picked up a fight with me in elementary), even my teachers love me coz I seemed bubbly and respectful. I usually get invited along and never had problems with meeting new friends. I usually hang with the boys and butches like me, but I had no problem hanging with girls. I'm not picky with friends, when I see someone who's new and alone I talk to them even invite them to eat with me and my friends. I also don't mind being alone at all, sometimes I even prefer it. My family accepts my sexual orientation, my parents/grandparents would even invite my gf to occasions. I had summer jobs, never really had a problem too. And some of my foreigner friends told me I'm really nice coz I adjust to them. I wouldn't consider myself weak, I just don't want them to get the best of me.

    Last night I had to play with them, and I heard them telling coach to put me in the other team but he didn't. Because of that, I scored 3 goals and they were awed by my save against a breakaway, they did greet me "nice" I thought it was the end of the bullying but then when I walked in and they were inviting everyone to have dinner when they saw me they said "Never mind"
    I guess it never ends then. Oh, well.
     
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  8. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    Your team mates are in a pack, Anon. They have an established thing and one, or maybe two of them are at the top of this mean girls act. The others are part of it or in bystanders apathy. They have a cohesion going and they don't want to rock the boat. The best way for this viciousness to break is if someone in the pack breaks off and say something. That is unlikely unless one of them really wakes up and be your friend. Ignoring them won't help, unless it is purposeful enough and with a smirk. You don't need to change the way you are but, you can sometimes be that person who breaks off and say something. Best if you can use humor to diffuse if you can think of something. Or sometimes, it is just, "wow, that was harsh", shrug and walk off.

    You are challenging someone in there with your mere presence, someone with a major chip on her shoulder and a stick up her backside. She herself won't know until you are gone from the team how she has behaved. Right now she is determined to be the bane of your existence until she gets her wish and then she will regret it. You can only stand your ground as much as you can stand. I have known kids who just get tired of fighting and had to go to a different environment. Try the best you can, but if it is really getting you down, don't hesitate to ask for help. You don't deserve any of it and you like yourself and that is a good good thing. I hope you are not on social media so this crap doesn't follow you home. I am a lover not a fighter but situations like this make me want to drop kick them.

    Congrats on the scoring and good luck to you. Please don't hesitate to post more if it helps you. I am on your side and looks like you have a lot of support on here.
     
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  9. Maison Clicquot

    Maison Clicquot Well-Known Member

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    I have an another one who bullies the other girl, and today she tried to give me again orders and I told her to mind her own business and her shit. Then she tried to bullshit me. If you are better than them, they will envy you, so don't expect some real congratulations and you don't have to expect anything nice from scumbags. I am amazed how horrible looking people are trying to make fun of me :lol:
    - edit -
    Don't forget that stupid people confuse kindness with foolishness and even so, they don't care.
     
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  10. Love*Cali

    Love*Cali Well-Known Member

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    When I was younger, I was on a team who left me out. To add, the coaches were just a couple of these girls fathers. I was given little attention by the coaches; everything was about their daughters and their close friends. I was actually really great at this sport -I remember outplaying everyone at tryouts- and played it 7 years straight before finally just quitting and taking up a new sport (Track & Field!). I lost interest. I was not having fun.

    Playing sports is about having fun. If you are not getting along with your teammates, you are not having fun. Before you eventually lose interest and lose the confidence the sport has built in you, perhaps try reaching out. I, personally, might confront a few of the girls in hopes that they might question why they were giving me crap. However, I understand that with teen girls, you cannot always hope for them to accept others. You might also say something to your coach. If he is a good guy, perhaps he might be better at talking to the team and getting everyone to get past their behaviors. You shouldn't have to just fade into the background because they try to put you there. Stand up.
     
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  11. anonymous6483

    anonymous6483 Well-Known Member

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    Thank you for your kind responses! Actually, the leader of the pack is a boy, then her sister and younger brother. In all honesty they really are good players and they've been playing longer than I do, I'm relatively new so I doubt they'd get insecure. I have few friends, although most of them don't attend practice very often. Confronting isn't really an option for me at the moment, their bouncers might strangle me lol and also their parents are present. Plus that's probably what they're waiting for so I won't give in :D
     
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