In love with a stripper

Discussion in 'Coming Out' started by Hoochi_Yamaguchi, Sep 21, 2014.

  1. Hoochi_Yamaguchi

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    Well, she became a stripper after I met her... ok let me start from the beginning.... So in 2009, I was 18 and so over weight and depressed with my life that I was contemplating suicide. I always had a passion for video production and I was taking classes at the local community college and I was in a video production program in high school as well. So my sister encouraged me to follow my passion and enroll into an Art School in LA. So I did all the paperwork and started in July of that year. I was still kind of depressed because I was really shy and self conscious, I'm African American, about 5'5, I wear glasses, I'm brown skinned and cute with really nice smile and straight teeth although I've never had braces, I'm like nerdy but cool and at the time I was about 220lbs. Also, I didn't know LA and was scared to go exploring so I mainly sat in my apartment (our school had housing in these luxury apartments in west LA.) I had family in Sliverlake and I went a few places with my roommates and made a few friends but there was just something wrong with my life. So fast forward to the end of my first quarter there, I was feeling a little more depressed than usual so my roommate took pity on me and invited me to a party in our complex that somebody from our school was throwing. I go and I have a drink and I'm chilling and finally having a good time. I notice this girl because she is really beautiful and exotic looking, She's 5'3 petite, light skinned and mixed with African American, Italian,Spanish,and Native American and she had strawberry blonde hair and freckles and a beautiful smile with beautiful full lips, and everyone was trying to talk to her. I'm feeling tipsy and I see people I know and the next thing I know she starts talking to me! She tells me she's in the interior design program and I ask her where she's from and she tells me both of her parents are mixed because everybody always wants to know because of her exotic look. We laugh and had a nice convo then she leaves and I see her like once before the quarter was over but I figured she didn't remember me because we were both pretty tipsy so I don't say anything.

    When school starts back up, we end up having math together and I decided to sit next to her. A mutual friend we had that was an animation major was taking the class as well so we all start hanging out during the break and I started to get to know her and she's so funny and had an off beat sense of humor like me and we had so much in common it was crazy. We ended up becoming best friends and then we became roommates and the whole time I was falling in love with her but I didn't know I was queer, well I did but I was so repressed and in the closet because of things that happened when I was younger that didn't want to admit that that was how I was feeling. I even slept with the roommate of this guy she was seeing because the guy she was seeing looked me dead in the eye and asked me if I was a lesbian but I said no because I couldn't explain how I was feeling for her because I never felt that way before and I was still a virgin. So on Cinco de Mayo of 2010, his roommate hit me up. I did kind of like him because I thought he was handsome, he was Creole, like 6'2 with dark skin and wavy hair. He hit me up to hang out before and I said no.He was also a video production major and we had classes together but he was always being childish and rude to me. But he hit me up to hang out that night and since I was trying to figure out my sexuality, I went and it was just the two of us and we started drinking by the pool and he kissed me, then we went to his apartment and we did it. I felt so dumb and ashamed after because I had my first kiss and lost my virginity on the same night. And my emotions became really confused because I started to like him a lot but he kept ignoring me but I honestly feel like I was just projecting my feelings for her onto him and I just felt crazy and nobody knew what was going on with me. And then I had this internship for this music video company and I worked with Eminem,Jamie Foxx, Drake and Nicki Minaj and it was so cool but I was still battling all these emotions I had going on inside.

    Well, we both ended up graduating and going our separate ways but we kept in touch. I never told her how I felt because I didn't want it to ruin what we had by making it awkward because I was madly in love with her. Like I would've done anything for her. So I ended up moving back home because my car broke down and I had nowhere to stay in LA. Any who, I ended up going back to school, this time studying Communications, and last summer I took this course in Interpersonal Communication and I learned this new term "catharsis" and decided to go on a truth telling spree. To be honest, I just wanted to tell her already because it was eating me up inside every time we talked. Also, when Frank Ocean had wrote his letter on tumblr the year before it was exactly how I felt and it was crazy. So I finally mustered up the courage to tell her how I felt and it did end up making things a little awkward (even though Stevie Wonder could see how much I was in love with her) and now we don't talk as much as we used to. It's like Frank Ocean's song "Bad Religion".

    So how she became a stripper, around our 4th quarter at school, she was thinking about dropping out because she didn't really like interior design so I convinced her to switch to video production because she was always helping me with my projects anyways. But after we graduated she was going through a rough patch in her life and she didn't really want to pursue anything in video production and she didn't have the best situation at home so she became a stripper because her cousin was doing it and she was making a lot of money because of her exotic look. She also started going out with this guy and he is a total loser and it just sucks because I know that we would be so great together and when we were close we had such a great intimate connection... gerrr... And I talked to her for the first time in like 2 months today and I told myself that I was over her but I'm clearly not. Gerrr.... there is so much to this story that I'm leaving out but I just wanted to get some of it off my chest. But basically, she's been stripping for two years now and she wants to stop but she still doesn't have anybody to depend on or anything because she's been taking care of her grandma and helping her younger sister through college and paying back her loans and I'm still in school and working part time until I can transfer next fall to hopefully CSULB or CSUN... Idk... if anybody actually reads this could you give me your thoughts or opinions? Nobody knows I went through all of this because I keep to myself and I've came out to myself and a few of my friends and family but I'm waiting to move to Long Beach to actually be "Out" because I live in dry ass Riverside, CA right now and there's no night life or any real lgbtq community out here and I still haven't told my Mom or grandma because they're pretty close minded black church people. Anywho... I feel a little better...ok bye lol.
     
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  2. sundancer

    sundancer Well-Known Member

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    Mmm... this is a tough one. The thing is your friend knows that she doesn't want to stay as a stripper - but something is keeping her there. This one is about self-worth, self-confidence, and self-esteem. Money is always an 'issue' (just think about sales - the potential customer's number 1 objection is money but it's actually about making them confident that they can move forward with you - money usually isn't an issue if you make them feel confident that there is ROI). She can always make money another way, a healthier way. A way that allows her to have self-respect. Google up how to boost your friend's self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-worth. You may need to match her point for point if she continues with objections though, but in a positive and supportive way.

    As for you... be her true friend (hence the Googling). And be yourself. :)
     
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  3. pikatan2

    pikatan2 Well-Known Member

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    I seriously want to know what happen next :D is there any update to what happen??
     
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  4. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    It won't be fair for you or her to be in this friendship and while you are hoping for something more. I think the only way you know to get over her is to get a really sweet lady of your own. But, you need to find the school that best supports your calling and not just a place for LGBTQ hookups. Sounds like you have gotten good connections in LA with your internship, why not hit them up to see if you can crash with someone and do some work for them? Does LA have the best schools for vid production? What I am trying to say is that, yes, it would be good to find someone, but take care of your career first even if you have to put aside your dating aspirations for a while.
     
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  5. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    Some people are gay, some are not.

    You are. She isn't.

    Nothing you do / say / don't do / don't say, etc... Will make her gay (or you straight). If something was going to happen between you two, it would have. Particularly since your confession.

    You can't "rescue" her. You can tell her you think stripping is bad for her, her bf is a jerk, etc... But in the end, they are her decisions to make.

    Obsessing over her life choices is a way to try and stay connected to her. Or a form of psychological "bargaining." (Maybe if she quit stripping we could be together).

    But in the end, its not a healthy connection. It's not good for either of you.

    My advice? You need to accept that you have the dreaded in love with a straight girl thing. You need to put a little distance between you two. Get involved in activities and make more friends. Do some LGBTQ stuff, so you'll meet gay gals.

    Good luck. You can do it.
     
    #5
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  6. Hoochi_Yamaguchi

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    Thank you! Since I've gotten that off my chest I have found it easier to move on and accept everything for what it was. I'm still healing but the experience definitely made me a better person because I had been running and hiding from these feelings my whole life. We are still friends (She just texted me Merry Christmas) but there has definitely been distance between us since my confession and I'm happy about it because I've been able to focus on me. But thank you for reading my post and for your feedback :) !
     
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  7. Hoochi_Yamaguchi

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    Thank you! Yeah I got accepted to CSULA so Im more than likely gonna go there even tho Long Beach was my first choice. Since posting this I have felt better about it and I'm now focusing 100% on myself and my future. I wish I would've made better connections in LA the first time but I wasn't very sure of myself in those days and was very awkward and shy but I know that when I move back as the person I am now I'm gonna rock lol !!!! LA does have good schools for video production. But thank you for reading my post and your feedback :)!
     
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  8. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    Good for you. Keep taking care of yourself. You're a thoughtful person, there is someone out there who will love you for you.

    Happy Holidays!
     
    #8

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