In love with a good friend

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by Fdhmtrent, Jan 6, 2015.

  1. Fdhmtrent

    Fdhmtrent New Member

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    This is my first time writing something like this so please forgive any faux pas and thanks for reading!

    I've been friends with a woman for quite some time. She and I met at uni years ago and have been pretty good friends. We both have been in and out or relationships during this time, but nothing ever happened.

    The last few years we've been out of touch, busy in our professional lives and relationships. We've recently been reacquainted and have been hanging out a little more...and she just got out of a long term relationship.

    I think I have always had some feelings for her, but they have shifted recently and they have really been hitting me over the head. I can't stop thinking about her and want to make her feel better with everything that she is going through. It's crazy because I can envision having kids with her and to be blunt, that's not something I've really ever considered with anyone I've been in a relationship with so far (though that could just be part of an overall feeling that I wasn't ready for that just yet and have started shifting as I've gotten older).

    I would never do anything so soon after her break-up, but I'm wondering if I should give her a hint eventually as to how I'm feeling. I like to get everything out in the open and be honest about what is going on.

    I know what you are thinking, just talk to her! The thing that I'm struggling with is that I don't think she feels the same way about me nor do I know if she's ever been physically attracted to me. I'm afraid that if I tell her and she doesn't feel the same, that she'll feel weird about it and possibly avoid seeing me. I think more than anything I am afraid of causing her discomfort. I think this is an unrequited love thing, which I am not so familiar with (though it's possible I'm wrong) and have no idea whether I should just try to get over her somehow or tell her.

    What's a girl to do?
     
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    Last edited: Jan 6, 2015
  2. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    Keep it to yourself, at least for now.

    She's going through a lot with the ltr. She needs a friend, not discomfort and self conciuosness about the interactions between you two.

    Sometimes loving someone means putting them before you, if only temporarliy. It sucks and it hurts, but it's the right thing to do.

    I think you want to tell her to a) ease your own burden b) because you hope maybe something will happen with you two.

    It sounds unlikely that anything will happen - you've never gotten that vibe off her. But if it will, no harm in letting her get her head together a bit before making a move on her.

    As for the burden. It's not fun, feeling that strong of a connection with someone. Maybe you have another friend you can talk with, so at least its not all bottled up.

    Trying to move on and meet other available ladies may help, too.

    Good luck.
     
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  3. Fdhmtrent

    Fdhmtrent New Member

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    Thanks, Bluenote. I totally agree on waiting. I would never put her that sort of a situation while she is trying to figure things out. This is more of a question of whether I should eventually let her know how I have started feeling. We are spending more and more time together which I love, but it's also anxiety inducing for me. That said, her happiness is more important than my own discomfort in this situation.

    I wish there was someone outside of my circle of friends that I felt close enough to discuss this with. I'm (uncharacteristically for me) really uncomfortable sharing this with anyone. It's hard to explain why, but it's something about being embarrassed about feeling so strongly for someone who may not feel the same way back. I don't know if that makes sense at all, but it is how I feel :-/

    I appreciate your advice. Hopefully someone else will come along that will captivate me the way that she is right now, though that seems unlikely given the strength of my feelings for her.
     
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  4. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    You can talk with me. I understand and will keep it private. Pm me if you want.
     
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  5. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

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    @Bluenote is great with advice. Take her up on that offer if you need to talk :)
     
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