Wow…I leave for a while and this whole place changes…not liking the look or the changes but I'll give it a chance to grow on me. Okay this whole thing will be tome-like in its presentation because I'm long winded; it's part of my charm or so I tell myself. My junior year in college I moved into the campus apartments above a girl named Bug (her initials are VW so the nickname came naturally for me). I knew of Bug because she played soccer for our school but I'd never spoken to her until we lived in the same apartment building. I learned pretty quickly that Bug was gay and was a lothario as she had a stream of women parading in and out all the time. In college I was certain I was straight, I had a long term boyfriend and never thought about women sexually but Bug intrigued me. The following year, I moved off campus and I didn't see her much at all but I thought about her a lot despite not wanting to. After college I moved back home and of course we lost touch completely. About a year after moving back home, I finally began admitting to myself that I was gay but I had a hard time because my family is very religious and I eventually moved to the city to escape gazes of those who probably wanted to throw little green bibles at me. I've had relationships but I never stopped thinking about Bug and knew she was from the city. She talked about moving back there after she graduated but it took me a few years to start looking for her. I finally broke down and joined Facebook and immediately saw she was in a relationship (heart in my stomach). There were a lot of pictures of her and her girlfriend plastered everywhere (heart in my knees) so it took me a while but I did friend request her and she immediately accepted. We corresponded briefly online before she asked me to come meet with her and friends for dinner. She was absolutely knee weakening gorgeous and it took a lot for me not to profess my undying love for her as she hugged me hello. I took two friends with me one of whom went to school with Bug and I and we all ended up reminiscing. I didn't have much of an impression of her girlfriend because I was too busy staring at Bug but she seemed okay. After dinner Bug and I began hanging out fairly regularly. Our group of friends began to mesh a little (we knew some of the same people) and sometimes we'd hang in a group with her girlfriend in tow and other times much to my great happiness and joy, we would hang out alone. Early on she told me she swore I was straight which was why she never tried to hit on me in college. I told her she spread too many legs for me to have even gone near her back then. She laughed it off saying she's gotten it out of her system and she was seriously committed to her current girlfriend. That deflated me a little because she is nice to be around and I wouldn't mind…oh who am I kidding, I'm in love with her. Back in March or April several of my straight friends and I went to an invite only party thrown by some semi famous person I didn't know. Despite it being all straight people I was having a pretty good time (the drinks were free). While mingling I happened to see Bug's girlfriend there with some dude. I stealthily watched their interactions while hiding behind tall people but I didn't see anything of note. They were much like me and my best guy friend, affectionate like brother and sister (not Appalachian brother and sister though). Fast forward to July 4th weekend and I'm at the beach with some of my family and I see her again with the same dude but this time their interaction is more like the opening title of something you'd see at midnight on Cinemax, hands on butts and tongue's down throats. In order to be sure it was her, I used my little nephew to get a closer look by playing with him nearby and it really was her. I haven't seen her out with this guy since then so I don't know if it's over or not. I haven't said anything to anyone (not even my best friend) about it because yes I'm nosey but I don't like gossip or spreading rumors and I'm no snitch. Besides is it really my place to say anything to anyone about it? I don't think so. Then last month, at Bug's birthday party she proposed to her girlfriend. Her girlfriend cried and said yes and everyone was so happy for them except me. I was bitter as hell and wanted to punch her girlfriend in the face and maybe gouge her eyes just a little; my heart also broke some…okay a lot. I'm almost done… Two Saturdays ago a bunch of us had a get together to send off a friend who was moving out of the country. I'd had a supremely shitty work week and was still smarting over Bug's engagement among other things so I got shit faced pissy drunk. I don't remember much of anything. Bug and her girlfriend were not there. The next day I get a text from Bug saying she wanted to talk to me. I had a massive hangover so I didn't respond until later that night and boy did the shit get bazzokaed at the fan. The phone conversation started with her telling me that one of our mutual friends told her that in my drunken stupor I told anyone within ear shot I was in love with her and a bunch of other nonsense about having triplets. No one knew about my feelings for Bug except one of my best friends and it just so happened that she was not there that day to shut me up. I've been good at hiding what I feel for her for 6+ years and I just flipped that switch on and told her that I was just being goofy and used the triplets as confirmation because everyone knows I don't want kids. She let that go and we laughed about it a little but I could tell she was uneasy. Finally I found out what the unease was about when she asked me about her girlfriend and what I saw; that I was not prepared for. So I also told everyone her supposedly gay fiancee potentially had a boyfriend. I fumbled through the most ridiculous of lies which I know she didn't buy and I kept digging myself in deeper. The conversation ended with her sarcastically and insincerely thanking me for telling her the truth. Since then she won't answer my texts, phone calls or emails and I don't even know what I would say if she actually responded but a big part of me feels like I should just be honest and let the chips fall but I'm also scared she'll think I made up the story of her girlfriend and the other guy because I'm in love with her. Also, I've already lied twice so why would she believe me? Point me in a direction please?!?!?!?