About a week ago, I finally came out to my best friend as lesbian. My mother raised me in a religion that I love, but does not permit homosexuality. In order to kind of figure out my feelings, I checked out a book from the public library and hid it in my purse (where my mother has never looked before.) Yesterday evening, I was just sitting down to eat and watch Friends, while she was ransacking the house looking for something. And she just happened to open my purse... She pulled out the book and stared at it, reading the cover, then held it up and asked me what it was. I swallowed hard and just said 'crap'. She looked at me for a second and sighed, sitting down. "You don't like guys do you?" We had about an hour long conversation, where I explained my feelings. Because of our religious convictions, she just wanted to make sure that I don't act on these feelings. And although she was really nice about all of this... She refused to admit that I was gay, and wouldn't let me say it either. So that was interesting. Now, though my mom knows the truth, I do know that she just thinks I'm confused, even though she wouldn't admit it. Still, it went better than I figured it would despite being pulled out of the closet instead of coming out myself. This is the first time in my life I've second guessed myself. Although go I was raised in my religion, I've spent my entire life proving to myself that I believe it, and I've always wanted to believe it. This is the first time I haven't wanted to. I know I can only have one or more he other, and I just don't want to choose. I don't want to leave my religion or choose a new one because I love it, but I don't want to give up on love and know that I'm stuck single forever. It's a rough patch right now.