In a weird situation

Discussion in 'Advice (Dear AE...)' started by Bananzajellybean, Aug 5, 2016.

  1. Bananzajellybean

    Jun 24, 2015
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    So, I have this situation which might seem a little bizarre. A few months ago, I started chatting to this girl from a dating app and we hit it off immediately. She was smart and witty and all the things that I'm attracted to. But the thing is, she lives in another country. At first we were just casually chatting and all but after a while, feels started to come in. Although we hadn't met each other, the attraction is very strong. At first I was skeptical abt her as I thought I might be catfished but she's real. So we kinda confessed to liking each other. I even planned to come to her country to see her and all. I think she's amazing as I've finally found someone as weird as me. But recently, I met this other girl who lives at where I live and we clicked. We've met a few times and we just want to see each other somemore. So now, I know that I have to tell the other girl who lives in another country that I've met someone but I just don't know how to do it. I've never been in this situation before so I don't know exactly what to do. I know that I have to break her heart and I'm really sad abt it because we have amazing conversations and weirdness that I think she's special. But I need to be realistic abt this. Please help. :(
  2. lorienczhiu

    lorienczhiu Well-Known Member

    Jul 18, 2013
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    You can't break the news without hurting her feelings. But that's okay: your job is to be honest and kind, and her job is to take care of her own feelings, even when they're bad ones.

    Here is what I would do:
    - Let her know what you want. "I really value our connection, but we're really far away! I have still be chatting with other people, and I've met someone who I think I really click with. I would like to see where it goes, and am going to take her on some dates."
    - Ask her what she wants, in light of what you want. "Are you interested in continuing to talk, even if I'm also chatting with/seeing other people? Please think about it and let me know. I will respect your wishes."
    greylin likes this.
  3. hum_dinger

    hum_dinger Well-Known Member

    May 16, 2013
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    That is a tricky one. I suppose it depends how deep the connection has got with the girl in another country. If you genuinely think you could be together and you've discussed meeting up/other future plans then maybe it's worth seeing where that goes.

    On the other hand it's always going to be easier having a relationship with someone you can actually physically be with. A long distance relationship takes a lot of work and dedication so if your relationship with her is in the early stages and you don't think you can commit to that level of emotional investment then maybe you shouldn't continue it because ultimately you will both get your feelings hurt. I think if you really like the girl you live near then you really should tell the girl in another country.

    If it were me personally, I would always chose the girl that I felt the strogest connection with and the girl I could genuinely see myself being with regardless of the distance, but unfortunately no one can decide that for you. I wish you good luck with whatever you decide to do.
    greylin and Frazier like this.
  4. Lauren_1989

    Lauren_1989 Active Member

    Apr 15, 2015
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    Personally, I think you need to look at the bigger picture. I don't want to make the whole situation clinical but look at the pros and cons. Yes, you might have an amazing connection with the girl that lives abroad but realistically, could you keep a long distance relationship going? They're not for everyone. You might not have as strong of a connection with the new girl, but over time this might change and you might have met someone amazing who you can cultivate a relationship with.

    Inevitably, someone is going to get hurt but that's life, you need to do what makes you happy and the sooner you do it, the sooner people can move on. Just have a real think about what you want and go from there.
    greylin likes this.

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