I'm really confused about this girl and what we are

Discussion in 'Does She Like Me?' started by Andy86, May 12, 2015.

  1. Andy86

    Andy86 Member

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    Hi All, I'm really confused as to what me and this girl are doing...

    So here's a short background, I met this girl thru work. She handles our company's account and I'm one of her clients. I've known her for almost a year now and in the recent months we've developed a friendship outside work. Since we don't live in the same city, we rarely hang out in person.

    However we message each other everyday and has gotten really close over a few months. We joke around all the time and always jokingly imply that we miss each other. We also make sure that we see each other whenever I'm in her city and vice versa. We send each other sweet cute messages everyday and remind each other to always eat on time since we're both really busy. Sometimes we even pretend to sleep beside each other at night even though it just through text.

    So my question is, is this normal? or could we have something special that is more than just a friendship?
    Cause I don't really do this with my other friends and I'm starting to fall for her. Also to make matters more complicated, I'm not out and I don't even know if she's bi or gay.

    So please help!
     
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  2. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member

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    It sounds like a blossoming friendship till you mentioned the "sleeping next to each other" and that's where there's flirting. If you don't know her orientation, that's what you need to find out, for your own sanity if nothing else. You need to work out if you're happy to come out to her or even in general (taking the guess you're somewhere where being gay is safe).
     
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  3. rac

    rac Well-Known Member

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    I agree with @Nancy, you need to find out her orientation first. You don't know if she's gay and you're not out... she may be wondering the same thing about you. :)
     
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  4. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    She's into you, bang her.

    If it won't cause issues on the work front and won't cause issues if you get outed - just flirt with her next time you get together socially. Flirt in person so you can judge her body language and tone of voice. If you flirt and she flirts back and the flirting keeps building over time- yes, then you have your answer. And if you flirt and she doesn't reciprocate, you also have your answer.

    Of course, you could also just try dating women who 1) you don't work with 2) who are out 3) who live in your same city. Because ldr sets you up for lots of Internet sleeping next to someone and not lots of real life sleeping next to someone. And the real life sleeping next to someone is really good.

    Good luck.
     
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  5. jellohead

    jellohead Well-Known Member

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    Go Bluenote! Always dead on!

    She's interested in "sleeping next" to you so hopefully she can be open and honest about this. Good luck and don't take any wooden nickles.
     
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  6. Andy86

    Andy86 Member

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    Thanks for the inputs guys!

    Nancy: There's definitely some flirting every time we message each other. True to what you said, knowing her orientation will help with figuring out what's happening between us. Unfortunately, when we're together though we don't get a lot of alone time together.

    Bluenote:
    Thanks for the encouragement! I can't believe you suggested on banging her that soon... I love it! hahaha :) Will try to flirt with her the next time we're together and will observe from there.

    I don't know why... but there's something about her that makes me think she's definitely worth it. But it scares the sh!t out of me that i might be wrong
     
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  7. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    That's soon? You've known her for a year! I would have made a move on her forever ago.

    You might be wrong. But what are you scared of? (heartbreak? work issues? being outed?)
     
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  8. Andy86

    Andy86 Member

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    I know her for a year as a business associate only. We became close just recently. Didn't want to push myself to her cause I didn't really know her then.

    Nothing to do with that in particular. It's just sometimes I think she has all this layers in which I have to discover. She also tries to separate and hide certain parts of her life from one another. So it scares me that I might be getting into something I'm not in control of, since I'm the kind of person who likes to be in control all the time . But when I see her, she's basically what I've imagine my ideal girlfriend to be.
     
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  9. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member

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    Sounds like you need to spend time together in a more relaxed and comfy environment. Get to know each other outside of work, not just flirting via text. There's no rush, get to know her, find out her orientation and become more comfortable with the idea of your own orientation.
     
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  10. ThoughtsAnonymous

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    I would say that the signs seem to be in your favor, but tread with caution. She could just be lonely and this is her way of attaching to new friends and people(I have been friends with multiple women like this), which isn't bad, but certainly confusing. If you find out that she is interested in women, I'd think that she's interested; if she isn't, I'd imagine she hasn't noticed how affectionate she really is to you. Above all, take care of yourself and your feelings, you don't want to get in too deep only to be disappointed if you find out she's straight.

    Good luck with everything! <3
     
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  11. Andy86

    Andy86 Member

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    That's what I'm also scared of, that she might be just lonely. She lives with a friend and her family isn't around. However, when she's with family or friends, she does make an effort though to text even if she's with her them. So I guess that's a good sign cause she remembers me even if she's busy.

    @ThoughtsAnonymous, care to share your experience with experience with straight friends?
     
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  12. ThoughtsAnonymous

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    Sadly, I never experienced this with women (sad because I suppose it doesn't relate as much), but I have gone through this with queer women, (and kind of currently, but there are feelings involved and it's just...complicated a bit further). I'll talk about it a little bit, and hopefully it'll help you—for example, I spoke to this girl every day for three months, we flirted, we fell asleep on skype/the phone, she even called me drunk at 3AM crying, but she just didn't like me the way I wanted her to. She ended up dating a boy for quite a while and we lost touch for almost two years. It was heartbreaking, and I could have avoided it all if I had picked up on the red flags. If this girl is trying to set you up with other people, constantly talks about her ex/exes, or talks about how lonely she is (and not how you make her feel less lonely), I'd be extra cautious. However, that's all from my personal experience, and I'm sure others have suggestions as to what to look for as well.

    Side note: I wrote about the girl above in a thread called "An Uncomfortable Silence (for me)" in this forum in case I missed anything/you want a more in depth look into a situation with a plausibly relatable outcome.
     
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  13. J

    J Well-Known Member

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    Have you guys ever talked about romantic interests or dates? What topics to you guys chat about? Anything very personal?

    Perhaps you could subtlely ease into the conversation a TV show that has lesbians or gays in it, like Orange is the new black, and gauge her response.

    I agree with users above saying to tread carefully because sometimes we think that the people we like feel the same way because they give us signals, but they could just be looking for companionship, experimenting, confused about their sexuality, just friendly etc. I've had a straight girl crush on one of my best friends so I know the crushing pain of unrequited love. Not saying that you're in love or that it's as serious, but it could very well get to that point so just be careful.
     
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  14. Andy86

    Andy86 Member

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    Thanks for sharing @ThoughtsAnonymous. I guess I have to be cautious when dealing with her and my feelings. Best thing is to take things slowly and to get to know her in a deeper level since most of our conversations don't deal much about ourselves.
     
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  15. Andy86

    Andy86 Member

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    No we don't talk about our romantic interest or dates. She's in her mid twenties and has never had a boyfriend. We did tease each other about having dates, last valentines day but it was in a very gender neutral way. Nothing gender specific. I think we were also playing around trying to get some sense about each other's love life since we weren't that close then.

    Our normal conversation is usually about our day and some silly inside jokes we have. Sometimes we do get serious and talk about our lives but that only if we are together in person. She text me when she arrives home or if she going somewhere else. So that's new to me since me and my friends don't do that. For me, informing my whereabouts is something major for me cause I'm very independent. So that always made me think also.
     
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  16. Eloise

    Eloise Well-Known Member

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    Well, I have a lot of straight female friends and I can guarantee that none of them would ever suggest they were sleeping side by side with another woman. Not that they don't, but the suggestion puts it in another category altogether.
     
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  17. Andy86

    Andy86 Member

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    Hi All,

    Just want to give everyone an update regarding me and the girl, I was confused about. We actually went on a friendly trip and while joking around and cuddling in bed we ended up kissing. Well, she kissed me first cause I didn't have the guts to do the first move. I guess all we needed was some real alone time together, just the two of us, to finally figure out what was going on between us.

    Now we are officially a couple and I would like to thank everyone for their inputs. It really helped and I really appreciate it guys!
     
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