I'm not sure about me anymore

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by thisgirlinterrupted, Mar 22, 2015.

  1. thisgirlinterrupted

    thisgirlinterrupted New Member

    Mar 22, 2015
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    So I've recently come out as bisexual and I was pretty confident in my sexuality at that point. But recently I've sort of realized that I am way more attracted to women than I am to men. To the point where I only really think about women in sexual way. I'm starting to wonder if I might be gay, which is an issue because I'm dating a man. I love him very much, but I'm afraid that I'll end up wanting to move on to dating women exclusively. I don't want that though because I am in love with him. I'm just afraid I'll end up feeling stuck in a hetero relationship, and I can't stand the idea of hurting him. I have no idea what to do.
  2. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

    Jul 4, 2013
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    Are you sexually attracted to the guy you are with? If not, you aren't doing him- or yourself any favors by staying with him. If you love him, you aren't going to do him any favors staying out of obligation.
    Spygirl and jade__lhk like this.
  3. Eloise

    Eloise Well-Known Member

    Jul 26, 2013
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    You're not alone. I know many lesbians who just assumed they were supposed to be with a man and got involved with one before realizing they were really into women. Often the man was a best friend and someone the lesbian loved. But, there's a difference between loving someone because they are a good person and you only want the best for them, and being in love with them and wanting an intimate relationship with them. Which is it for you?

    Maybe you are bisexual but this guy is not the one you can see yourself married to. If that's the case, you aren't doing him any favors by staying in the relationship. Once you are single again you can be a better judge of whether you are only attracted to women. Let your heart and desires dictate that. Don't question your feelings, just go with them.
    Ginney likes this.
  4. u-45641817

    u-45641817 New Member

    May 16, 2013
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    Try not to think about labels too much, it will save you a lot of headache. You can't help who you're attract to, yano? If you're in love with your boyfriend then do so, but if one day you wake up and start feeling different then do something about it. Just don't drag the boy along because you're starting to wonder if the grass is greener on the other side.
  5. _mirage_

    _mirage_ Well-Known Member

    Aug 14, 2013
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    Hey there, woah, labels, woah! Don't rely to much on them. Sexuality is largely fluid. Labels are so restrictive that they work for some people and not at all for others. Bisexuality is rarely 50:50, attraction to males and females equally. In fact, many bisexuals have said that they feel more attracted to one gender. That is, they prefer one over the other. Don't worry about switching your sexuality label around: my advice? Let that go and just be attracted to who you are at the moment. That should be good enough. If you feel that at this point in your life, you are not attracted to men anymore, that is okay. I know you love your current partner, but you can't force yourself to be attracted to him. Sit him down and tell him how you feel. Relationships ending doesn't mean that you don't love a person, but rather, you just can't be together. You don't want to hurt him, but that may be inevitable...you may also hurt yourself by breaking up with him, especially if you care for him. But, if you care enough and truly for yourself and him, you will don't mislead either of you. Staying in a relationship with him and lying about your own attraction to him, while his is genuine is just not fair. Get out of this relationship so you both can have a chance at more fulfilling happiness.

    You cannot be stuck unless you allow yourself to be.

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