i'm not quite sure what to do...

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by florence88, Sep 27, 2015.

  1. florence88

    florence88 Member

    Joined:
    Jul 7, 2015
    Messages:
    17
    Likes Received:
    8
    Ive posted a couple of times on here. I'm sorry if it ever seems like stupid venting.
    There has been a slight update on my current situation with my ex (wife).

    We both work within the same company (this is actually how we met many years ago). Anyway, due to the break down of our relationship I was able to transfer to the same company back home (one shred of light during that pretty dark time).

    As I haven't seen my ex in a couple of months, her and two others from her work came to my home town for a company conference. I'm very good friends with one of them who gave me the heads up the night before that they will be attending. Cue a lot of nerves and a sleepless night.

    I was on shift that day and the nerves were out of this world. I didn't know what to expect or how to react by seeing her.

    As they walked in my good friend came over and wr exchanged hugs whilst my ex stood away, awkwardly catching each others eyes to acknowledge eachother. (The other co worker is C, the girl who my ex grew very attached to at work).

    During the day I kept bumping into them (it may have seemed like I was stalking but they were genuienly just in the same place I needed to be as I still had a shift to run).

    I realised that, she was making no attempt to approach me and I would have been more upset if she left and we hadn't have spoken to I took my ex to one side away from the others and I asked how she was. My heart was thumping. I miss her so much and just seeing her for the first time in a couple of months was just...odd in a way. It was very awkward. It caught her off guard I think but I tried to keep as professional as possible.

    We both asked if we were OK, she said she was a bit stressed, she asked if I was doing alright in general but I told her I wasn't sure how to answer that question but job wise, I am enjoying it.
    She then tried to tell me she had some of my things but I had to tell her that it wasn't the appropriate time or place to discuss things, I just wanted to say hi as it seems silly after everything that has happened, for us both to avoid eachother.

    We said an awkward goodbye and that was it. I haven't heard from her since. And now I don't know what to do. I surprised myself for taking the initiative to speak with her as I honestly thought i'd break down or she would refuse to say anything.
    I didn't acknowledge C (her co worker) at all. I feel this may have been too cruel on my part as she didnt do anything wrong but I feel an immense anger towards her as I believe she didn't help in the break down of the marriage.

    Anyway, after that meeting between us. I don't know where to go from here. Part of me wants to try and reach out and speak to my ex again, but the other part is scared that if I do that, i'll only get heartbroken again as it won't lead to a re-kindling of our relationship. I Desperately wish that would happen but I think the trust would never fully be there between us.

    I know I've been the one to tell her I can't be friends right now whilst I focus on healing but at the same time, we were best friends. It's hard to let that part go.

    I'm stuck
     
    #1
  2. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 4, 2013
    Messages:
    2,147
    Likes Received:
    963
    What you did was well timed and very appropriate. A short hello to break the awkwardness. It would not have been genuine if you tried to be nice to her friend so no, you were not mean, you were good there too.

    It is also good you stopped after that. You have this yearning that is a sleeping giant inside of you. Don't wake it up or it will feed and get even larger. Let it sleep and it will shrink back to of no consequence.
     
    #2
  3. florence88

    florence88 Member

    Joined:
    Jul 7, 2015
    Messages:
    17
    Likes Received:
    8
    Thank you Greylin.

    Do you think I should leave it for now? I just feel disappointed. I seem to be going through various stages but they jump between one another. One day I will think "i'm better off without her", the next I get upset and want nothing more than to hear her voice.

    Everything happened so suddenly and I feel lost and worthless. She disappoints me the way she has treated me. Simply pushing me off to the sidelines after I told her I couldn't be friends with her (which is what she wanted practically straight after telling me she had no romantic feelings for me). At first I agreed but my heart was hoping she would realise what a mistake she was making.

    I want to move on, not romantically as I know it'll take an awful lot of time, but I miss the comfort and intimacy (no just in that sense but having a 'person').

    I just.....I don't know what to do.
     
    #3
  4. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 4, 2013
    Messages:
    2,147
    Likes Received:
    963
    Sometimes it is not just the pining for an ex, it is the wish that somehow the break up was on better terms. It is devastating when she cared so much once and now it is no longer.

    Yes, I would not contact and try to find ways to cope and try to find your footing and that okness as a single person again. It is not easy but it is worth doing and happiness is truly from within. Everything else is just gravy.

    P.S. Your ups and downs is this very tight, high, amplified high low sine wave at the moment. As time goes on, it will get pulled out till it is your normal rhythm again. Please take care and you have loads of people here rooting for you to get well.
     
    #4
    Last edited: Sep 28, 2015
    rac and Bluenote like this.
  5. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 4, 2013
    Messages:
    1,390
    Likes Received:
    1,489
    I reread your situation, so I understood things clearly.

    http://forums.afterellen.com/threads/heartbroken.7797/#post-45481

    Personally, I think that you should just leave it alone for awhile. Focus on yourself, focus on healing. Focus on getting better from the eating disorder, from depression, from the pain of the divorce.

    Part of healing from mental illness is learning to change habits that made us ill, or kept us stuck in illness. One habit, of course, is not taking care of ourselves. Everyone can only take so much emotionally or mentally. Learning to 'pace ourselves' is an important skill, learning to not jump from trauma to trauma or distraction to distraction.

    Your relationship with your wife wasn't healthy. At least, the end wasn't healthy. She treated you poorly (getting so attached to C while you two were still together). And she tried to put the whole break up on you, instead of 'owning' her part of things.

    Lets look at it logically - She doesn't want you back, you don't think you can be friends with her, it is awkward and stressful and emotional to even be around her. So why do you want to try and reconnect with her? Do you think that the situation has suddenly become healthy? Do you think that the situation would be good for you? Do you think that there is a likelihood of a good outcome? Do you think that the emotional stress and pain would be good for your depression, eating disorder, self esteem, etc...?

    Think of a runner that has sprained their ankle. Would it be a good idea for them to get back to running when their ankle is still really painful and swollen? No. They would be better off to wait until it feels a lot better. And then get back into running gradually, making sure that it didn't irritate them.

    I think that reaching out to your wife right now would be like running on a really sprained ankle. It would just bring up a lot of painful stuff and drag you back into depression, self criticism, etc...

    Personally, I think that looking at our behaviors and motivations can be a powerful road to change. Why do you want to reach out to her? Do you hope that she will take you back? Do you hope that she will give you some kind of validation or affection? Do you hope that somehow it will be 'healing' for you? Do you secretly hope that somehow her 'loving you' again would fix your depression and eating disorder? I am not asking these questions to be hurtful to you, but just for you to try and honestly understand your own motivations.

    Of course, it is very human to want someone's love and affection. And to wish that the answers to all our problems rested in someone loving us and nurturing us. But wanting something and pursuing it are two different things. Wanting validation from your ex is human. Pursuing it when you are very, very unlikely to get it, when you are very likely to get hurt again and when it likely will undermine the progress you have made in healing - is unhealthy.

    I understand that you have unfinished business with your ex. I do think that someday you will want to talk to her, get your stuff back, etc... But it makes a big difference when and why you are doing it. It is very different to do it when you are healthy and stronger. When your self esteem is back together and you don't 'need' support or validation from her. When you are doing well with your depression and eating disorder and are strong enough to not relapse from the stress of dealing with your ex. When you are doing it because you want 'closure', but not because you are heartbroken and vaguely hope that seeing her will make everything ok.

    I know that you are going through a really rough time. I think you handled the work situation with her very well. I really hope that you keep focusing on yourself. You deserve to be healed up, healthy and happy.
     
    #5
    Spygirl, rac and greylin like this.
  6. lorienczhiu

    lorienczhiu Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 18, 2013
    Messages:
    638
    Likes Received:
    596
    Nothing has really changed, has it? She still decided that she couldn't care for you while you were struggling with your mental health. You still need help from your family and friends. She hasn't recanted, hasn't apologized, hasn't come to you and said she made a mistake and regrets it. You still don't trust her, and probably won't be able to again.

    So while seeing her is complicated and brings up lots of feelings, there is no new evidence that you should change course. Insanity is repeating the same action again and again and expecting a new result; your wife has shown you that trusting her and leaning on her leads to you feeling unsupported and in crisis, and there is nothing in your brief interaction that suggests that reaching out to her, reestablishing contact, and trying to be her friend/rekindle your relationship will lead to anything new or different between you.

    Of course this is hard; of course you miss her; of course you wish things could be different and the hell you're going through could just be over. Be patient with yourself, and mourn the loss of your marriage honestly - with all the anger and sadness that it deserves. Those feelings are real and painful, and of course you want to avoid looking straight at them - but when you reenter a situation that hurt you in the past, with no promise of change, you're setting yourself up for the greater hurt in the long run.

    And vent as much as you need. You are Going Through Some Sh*t, and I promise no one here thinks that you could possibly get through it without venting.
     
    #6
    rac, Bluenote and greylin like this.
  7. florence88

    florence88 Member

    Joined:
    Jul 7, 2015
    Messages:
    17
    Likes Received:
    8
    Thank you both. It's really quite lovely to know that there are people out there who will take the time to listen.

    My next step is to get the doctors sorted out. As I have moved back home I have to re-register here but it has not been an easy process and the receptionists have not been helpful! Once that is sorted I will approach the issue of counselling as I really need to speak to someone.

    My moods are becoming more iirritable and I fear I will push my family away, who have already been an incredible support system for me. They've been through a bad break up situation before (my twin sister) but i'm now feeling like I am just in the way all the time and constantly moaning about the same things.

    You're both right though. I want my wife back because its simply a case of missing her. I still love her regardless of everything that has happened but I know deep down, if anything were to happen it would not be for the Right reasons.

    My mum told me last night I am trying to "run before I can walk" and pushing myself too much to get better and tell myself its OK, when clearly it isn't.
    My main feeling right now is disappointment. My wife disappoints me.

    Yes she was not entirely to blame in this situation but to go from being eachothers person for 8 years, promising to care and love eachother through good and bad times, and then have her throw in the towel at the first hurdle is just...my heart can't get over that. I feel like its was a complete waste of time.
    If she can't love me the way I am then I fear no one else will.

    But work is going well, that is one glimmer of hope in this situation. I am putting my all into developing my career without her and from what I've been told i'm doing really well. Its just once I'm home after work or having moments on my own where the sadness crops up.

    You've all been wonderful so far though so I appreciate all the advice you have given me xxxx
     
    #7
    rac, lorienczhiu and Bluenote like this.
  8. lorienczhiu

    lorienczhiu Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 18, 2013
    Messages:
    638
    Likes Received:
    596
    Probably you won't; your family loves you and knows you well enough to know that your irritability etc are expressions of a really, really tough time in your life. You are dealing with several overlapping, life disaster level happenings - break up, mental health crises, sudden relocation, and no one who cares about you and believes in you thinks that you can do that with a shiny disney princess attitude. So give them some credit, and whenever you think that you're wearing out your welcome, think about how you would feel if this was your sister or mom or best friend who really, really needed you. Probably you would understand, and not allow them to alienate you or push you away.

    And even if they feel a little tired/hurt, you have to trust that they can make good decisions about how to care for themselves and lean on their networks, and that they are making the choice to support you anyway. I discussed my sister's loser boyfriend for MONTHS with her. Was it repetitive? Sad? Exhausting sometimes? Sure. Did I tell her that? Hell no. It was what she needed from me, and I agreed to do it, and made sure to watch silly movies with my wife to cheer up afterwards. Sometimes we do hard things for friends and family because we love them, even if we don't adore the help they need all the time.

    When I feel the way you're feeling, I usually make an extra effort to thank the people I'm leaning on (usually my wife, sometimes my mom). "Hey, I know that I've been having a hard time [/need to talk over the same stuff/am really irritable/whatever], but I want you to know that you have been so patient and [made me dinner/talked with me/helped distract me/never get mad when I snap], and I know that's not easy. Thank you. It really helps, and I'm working on getting better."

    Yeah. That's a completely valid way to feel. I don't even know her, and I feel disappointed for you.

    Definitely, definitely untrue. I don't know how to help you find people who will be able to love you, and can't guarantee that future partners won't disappoint you too.

    But I do know that I am a hot unlovable mess sometimes, and my wife always tells me that she knew exactly what she was getting into and that she is in it for the long haul. I have struggled with disordered eating, cried uncontrollably for hours, been practically catatonic with depression, and she has brought me food and challenged my BS, held me patiently, tucked me in and kept me company. I honestly don't even know why she does it, except that it's probably a more devoted version of me endlessly telling my sister that her boyfriend was a jerk. And I almost trust her when she's telling me that she really, honestly doesn't mind.

    I do know that my best friend growing up was hospitalized for anorexia before we met, and her husband made it his job to make sure she stopped restricting food and taking laxatives, and that they are having their first child this year (maybe right now!). I do know that my mother also struggles with depression, and that she has been cranky and sad on and off forever, and that she and my dad just celebrated their 30th anniversary. I do know that a college friend of my developed an eating disorder as a child, and with her wife's support has only just started to deal with mental and physical effects of that on her body and life.

    And I know that other times I am passionate and clever and thoughtful, and that my friends are funny and sweet, and my mom is creative and sassy. I know that you're determined and strong, if you can focus on and positively affect your career right now. So I know that none of us are our mental health, even as it is a big part of our lives, and it's those other things that our partners love, too.
     
    #8
    greylin likes this.
  9. florence88

    florence88 Member

    Joined:
    Jul 7, 2015
    Messages:
    17
    Likes Received:
    8
    lorienczhiu you probably don't realise how much you have helped me so far. Giving the fact we don't know each other is a testament to how kind people really are (amongst all the horrible nonsense that goes on). The fact that you gave taken time to reply and include some personal stories helps and I appreciate that. So thank you.

    By writing (or rather ranting as I like to put it) on here often fights off the urge to contact my wife.

    It's strange I refer to her as my wife still, technically she is but writing 'ex' or 'ex wife' just feels too concrete. Especially as divorce hasn't been the topic of conversation yet. I am dreading the moment that happens. One of my friends told me perhaps I should take the lead and initiate divorce proceedings but to be honest, I can't do it. I can't let her go yet despite the fact she has washed her hands of our marriage.

    Am I mad to keep holding onto hope? To keep that door slightly ajar?

    Yesterday I did the stupid thing of checking her twitter profile (I know longer "follow her" but curiosity got the better of me) and I saw she mentioned something about "the moment when you are that comfortable with someone, you tell them things you've never said outloud before".

    It hurt. It was a little silly thing but it hurt. We were together so long and it felt like a slap in the face. Was she never that comfortable around me? I know exactly who she was referring to (C) and I just don't understand. It's becoming more clear that I think she fell in love with this girl. Who in all honestly was almost exactly how I was when we first met, young, carefree, no issues with food, fun, etc. I think my wife fell for her because I was no longer like that. Am I stupid for thinking that? Or do I just sound awfully jealous?

    I know I need to focus on myself. I know I am not 100%, perhaps I never will be but all I keep thinking is, how is she doing? What is going on in her head? I know i'll never get those answers so I need to stop dwelling, it's just so hard. The anxiety and stress hasn't calmed down and my sleeping is starting to bother me, at times waking up with hot sweats.
    The past couple of days at work haven't been good, after being given positive advice from my manager, I feel like I've gone backwards and making mistakes, which irritates me because I know the job, I know what I am doing but I get a bit hazy at times and it frustrates me.
     
    #9
  10. lorienczhiu

    lorienczhiu Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 18, 2013
    Messages:
    638
    Likes Received:
    596
    Hey, I have been in some really terrible places in my life. I have fought like hell for a little bit of hope and perspective, and it seems like a waste of effort to not pass it on and pay it forward when I have a little extra time and energy.

    I don't think that you are really keeping the door open in hope (though I think if you were, that'd be a little crazy, sure, but we've all been there). I really, really don't. I think you are grieving your marriage, and part of grief is to hold on for a while. When you lose a loved one, really lose them to death, you know that they are not coming back - but you still keep their things for a while, sit with their body or their memory or their memorial, tell stories and hold them close to ease the transition. It took me three months to move my grandmother into the past tense. This is normal and human, and it's not deluded to need to let go of something or someone you valued slowly, kindly, patiently.

    Your marriage, your partnership, has been lost. You know, in your rational, real-world moments, that it's not coming back to life, and that its loss has nothing to do with divorce papers, that it happened when your wife decided that she wanted to do what was easy instead of the hard work of loving you that she promised to do. But that doesn't mean you need to bury it before you are ready or throw away everything it brought you.

    Be patient with yourself. The time will come when you can think about your wife and know emotionally as well as intellectually that your marriage has ended and that she is your ex. Sometimes it just takes the heart a while to catch up.

    Oh, social media makes things the worst. I once did this thing where I found all my exes/crushes blogs (possibly livejournals?) and combed through old posts to read the things they said about me, which totally predictably made me feel awful and never worked out well. I wish I could say I'd broken the habit, but I still do it sometimes, and all I can say is that the availability of personal thoughts/feelings on the internets is one of the worst things that ever happened to moving on.

    Being as kind as possible to your wife, I think that she was unprepared for how hard it would be to sustain a long term relationship, and for the real-life curveballs that were coming her way. Which doesn't excuse her behavior or her going all moon-eyed and leaving you in the lurch, but I think you are probably at least a little right that C is easier to be around and feel affection for because she is uncomplicated, new, fresh. C's qualities are, I'd bet, a little bit escapism and a little bit imaginary, and your wife is idealizing her and their friendship/partnership. Crowing about it is a little unkind, and a little naive: what did she think was perfect about you, years and years ago, that she gushed about pre-twitter? Because I'd bet money there was something.

    Here's the thing, though: no human is 100% easy in the long term, and it's ridiculous and unrealistic to think that any relationship will never encounter challenges. Some of them are internal, some external, some totally out of your control. Real people and real loves have scars sometimes, and there are folks out there who will not see your struggles as flaws but as evidence of your humanity and your strength. Your wife was not one of those people, and that means that she thinks its okay to bail when things are hard, and at the end of the day that is your loss but even more it is your wife's loss. She is going to miss out on the real greatness of people - of you, maybe of C when she turns out to be a little more broken than she seems.

    In the meantime, though, stay away from her twitter. :)
     
    #10
    greylin likes this.
  11. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 4, 2013
    Messages:
    1,390
    Likes Received:
    1,489
    I don't have much to add, because this pretty much says it all.

    Other than thinking so much about your ex can be a way to distract from your own problems. It can be easier to think about 'what is she saying on twitter' or 'when did she fall in love with C' than it is to face your own issues with eating and depression. Not that I am blaming you for having issues - we all have them.

    But rather, if you need to find a way to take a break from your issues, do it with something healthy - like a hobby, a good book, some moderate exercise - rather than by thinking about your ex. If you do catch yourself cycling on things, stop. Remind yourself that that is a distraction and try to focus on something else. Mindfulness (aka meditation) might help you a bit.

    Hang in there. It does get better.
     
    #11
    greylin likes this.
  12. Frazier

    Frazier Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2015
    Messages:
    59
    Likes Received:
    51
    I feel for you florence88 and I know that its not easy.Marriage is hard work and it looks like your wife has already given up on you guys.Accepting the obvious may be hard right now but you need to find a healthy place for yourself!
     
    #12
  13. florence88

    florence88 Member

    Joined:
    Jul 7, 2015
    Messages:
    17
    Likes Received:
    8
    Thank you all again.

    It's been a tough couple of weeks. I feared I was starting to ruin my chances at work as I began feeling exactly like how I was when all this nonsense happened. I was not thinking clearly, not sleeping or eating properly and my emotions were all over the place. Therefore I was making lots of silly mistakes.

    But the only way I can deal with things now is anger. Certainly not in a melicious way towards my ex-wife but just angry at the way in which she has dealt with the situation from the start. She is cold and left me when I needed her the most. She broke vows and brushed me off like I didn't even matter. Quite frankly I don't need that in my life right now, so my focus is to be a strong lady once again. I want to do well at work without her, to prove I can be my own person again.

    Someone asked me if I would take her back if she asked. My honest answer is no. I would love to be one of these couples who can over come anything no matter what, but she ran at the first hurdle. Who's to say that will never happen again? The trust will never be there. I tried my absolute hardest to save us and all she did was run.

    I need to focus on my happiness. Things do happen for a reason and this could lead to a new exciting chapter of my life. It still hurts, I still feel like a failure but I am working on making things better again.

    And I dont need her to do that.
     
    #13
  14. Frazier

    Frazier Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2015
    Messages:
    59
    Likes Received:
    51
    You may not realise it now but you have made your road to recovery a lot faster by focusing primarily on yourself first.You need good company around you.Just don't isolate yourself too much.I understand the not eating and sleeping thing.Allow yourself to grieve;go through all the heartbreak steps,remind yourself that it was good while it lasted and if it were meant to be...she'd be with you right now.You are a good person and someone very deserving of your love and commitment will come along.With this experience,you are richer and it's her loss.Believe,it will get better with time!
     
    #14
    greylin likes this.
  15. florence88

    florence88 Member

    Joined:
    Jul 7, 2015
    Messages:
    17
    Likes Received:
    8
    Thank you Frazier!

    At times I feel like i'm being cruel and perhaps I should reach out to her, but then I stop and think of how she made me feel a few months ago.

    Thankfully i've tried not to isolate myself. I was living on my own for a couple months when she moved out and it was horrid. The silence was overwhelming so I made sure I saw people as best as I could and not to shoo any one away when they offered their help. I grew closer to a lot of people, without the help and support I'd be a different person that's for sure. She has pushed people away whilst I've done the opposite.

    People are so kind. I will always be grateful for that. They have listened and been there at my worst. It shows me there is a glimmer of light down this pretty dark tunnel.

    It's my health now that needs work!
     
    #15
    Frazier likes this.
  16. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 4, 2013
    Messages:
    1,390
    Likes Received:
    1,489
    That anger is your friend. You don't need her to be happy. She broke trust when you needed her. It sucks that you have to pick up the pieces, but you can do it. And you are better off without her.

     
    #16
    greylin likes this.
  17. florence88

    florence88 Member

    Joined:
    Jul 7, 2015
    Messages:
    17
    Likes Received:
    8
    Got to love Gloria Gaynor ☺

    Funnily enough my current anthem is 'Stronger' by Britney Spears. Cheesy as hell but it plays in my head every morning without fail haha!
     
    #17
    greylin likes this.
  18. florence88

    florence88 Member

    Joined:
    Jul 7, 2015
    Messages:
    17
    Likes Received:
    8
    Hi ladies.

    I just thought I'd update you on my current situation (since you have been incredibly helpful).

    So, after a pretty horrid breakdown last week, I decided it was time I made the decision to tell my ex wife that it's time we dicuss divorce proceedings. Even writing that now it makes my stomach tighten and my chest feels heavy. I don't want this to happen, deep down I am still clinging on to that hope things will turn around. It won't. My head knows that, my heart just isn't letting go!

    Anyway, after an emotional evening, crying on my sisters shoulder, I contacted my ex and asked if we could talk. It took her a full day to respond. She finally agreed and we spoke on the phone. I tried to be strong, I told her it's time we thought about divorce and she agreed. Because I was trying so hard I was being quite short and blunt with her. She told me she has found a new house and is living closer to work and it's great. I snapped and said something like "we'll atleast you're happy" and she said it wasn't fair I was speaking to her that way and that she wanted this process to be smooth and for things not to get nasty. Like an absolute idiot I cried and spent most of the phone call in tears barely able to speak. I felt weak and pathetic. She would never take me back like that. It's the reason why she left in the first place (thoughts running through my mind). We left it at that, telling each other we will contact one another as things move along and that, ideally , we need to meet face to face to go over everything.

    I feel absolutely stupid. I wanted to take the higher ground in a way, to show I am better and capable of moving on like she has. But I couldn't do it.

    I've spent the last few days really kicking myself. I genuinely want to just pack up and go away some where., but I know it's just running away, the issues will still be there.

    Today is the first time in these past few days I've felt a bit better. I am starting at the gym on Thursday, something I've always wanted to do for myself - not for weight loss but to get stronger - to see food as fuel and not a means of guilt. I want to do something for myself and it's making me feel Positive. Work is still going fairly well and it serves as a distraction.

    I just wanted to let you know of the tiny steps i'm trying to make. The trouble is, I have no idea where to get started in terms of divorce proceedings. I am from the UK by the way, so not sure how similar or different the process is in other countries. I feel a bit in limbo.
     
    #18
  19. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 2, 2013
    Messages:
    743
    Likes Received:
    1,058
    I've not really followed this thread much from the beginning, but from your last post I feel like I should emphasize 2 points:

    1. No matter how hard you try, you can't make someone love you. You can't even make someone want to be with you.
    2. Divorce -- or a break up -- is very much like a death. You need to allow yourself time to grieve.

    So...that being said, focus on the things that YOU can control. Going to the gym -- enjoy making yourself stronger. Focus on advancing your career. Allow yourself to be selfish in all things you.

    Rome wasn't built in a day -- and you're still a work in progress. Allow yourself the flexibility to know that baby steps are an accomplishment in and of themselves. Small victories, my dear. Cherish the small victories. And you will find that one day, you're better for them all. :)
     
    #19
    Last edited: Oct 20, 2015
  20. Frazier

    Frazier Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2015
    Messages:
    59
    Likes Received:
    51
    In any relationship,there will be ups and downs.Some will last but others will fall.Divorce is the hardest thing anyone can and will go through BUT stay strong.Going through all the stages of grief is very important before one can heal.You will be ok if you begin to focus on yourself.Go to the community centre in your locality.The will have a wealth of information on how you can proceed.The internet is also a good tool.It will pass,I can assure you-but only if you are willing to move forward!
     
    #20

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice