I'm i reading the signs wrong?

Discussion in 'Does She Like Me?' started by Anon123, Mar 17, 2015.

  1. Anon123

    Anon123 New Member

    Mar 17, 2015
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    Last semester I met a girl while we were both studying abroad. We are both 'straight' and part of a tight group of four. Even though in the past I've had feelings for another girl, at first when we met it seemed like we were both totally straight, getting with various guys. Until one weekend we went on a trip with a big group of people just the two of us, and whilst we were out one night drunk she leaned in and asked to kiss me. I thought nothing of it and went to peck her like I do with all my female friends when drunk, but she didn't react and instead gave me a weird look, until eventually I just kissed her on the cheek. After that our relationship changed, I started to see her differently and started to feel jealous if I saw her with guys. We would go out the four of us every week and every time the flirting intensified more and more, it went from playing with my hair in the group to it being just the two of us left in the club and she would slap my arse while we walk to the toilets, or we would dance and grind on each other if our other friends weren't around. There were occasions where we accidentally spilt drinks on each other and she told me to lick it up, and when she spilt one on my arm she immediately bent down and licked it all. Then one night I kissed her mouth, but we both ended up leaving with two different guys. Before she left she kissed me again (and we continued to kiss every time we said bye after that) and said 'I wish we could go home together but we just couldn't.' I seriously learnt the meaning of thinking about someone else during sex that night. The problem was, and still is, that we would both get with guys and definitely not really admit how we feel. A few times after that night she would end up kissing and going home with a guy and it killed me so much I got embarrassingly drunk. The worst was that she went away the last weekend we had together to another city with a guy she had met a few months ago, and she was crazy about him infront of the rest of us after that, which only confused me even more. Eventually the semester finished and our time living in the same country was over, but over the Christmas break she was all I could think about and it seemed like it was that way for her too, she messaged the four of us saying how much she missed us and suggested the idea of going back to the city we were in for a week, and the night before our flights she rang me to sort out details and because she 'wanted to hear my voice.' Again while we were back there, she kissed several guys and I kissed and had sex with guys in retaliation, but during the week we had to share an air mattress together and she woke up two mornings and immediately hugged me, or layed her head in my chest. She even climbed up on my back one morning because 'she was comfier that way.' She asked to spoon me twice but i made a joke out of it like an idiot because our friend who doesn't suspect a thing was staying in the same room as us. The last night together she claimed she didn't want me to make an effort or wear make up etc because she wanted me in 'our bed' that night and not with a guy, something which our friends laughed at but I'm not sure it was a joke. That night we slept face to face with our faces centimetres apart, although we both acted like it was an accident. Again after that week I missed her like crazy, and I had to move to another country yet again for the second semester while she went back home. For the first few weeks she carried on messaging me saying stuff like 'you look cuter' etc and giving me the impression that she was missing me as much as I missed her, but then the same day she messaged me telling me she had a date. Nothing came of that date and she never saw the guy again but it wasn't the same after that, she stopped messaging me as much and didn't reply to me as often, and it seemed like she was moving on from whatever it was that had gone on between us. Six weeks after that the four of us met up again over my birthday weekend two weeks ago, and again there was so much tension between us. I caught her looking at me while I got changed and I couldn't help but do the same, and when one of our other friends picked me up while we were drunk, she grabbed hold of my ass claiming to be a 'seat.' The same night while we were dancing she pulled me into her chest making a joke about how my height reached her boobs (I'm pretty short) and then she hugged me into her boobs and made the same joke a few times. I was determined to kiss her or do something that weekend to make it clear how I felt, but the most I got the courage to do was to hold her hand in the club and play with her fingers. Now we are apart again and it's gone back to how it was before where it seems like she just doesn't give a shit. I'm in this new country unable to really enjoy anything because all I can think about is her yet she seems to have easily forgotten me again, complaining about how no guys are interested in her at the moment. I really feel like she's into me, but there's a voice in my head telling me I'm reading it all wrong. In another 6 weeks she is coming to visit me with our other friends but there is a night where we will be totally alone together, and hopefully this time I won't screw up. But there are so many things in our way, from the fact that we live in different countries. She has just finished university whereas I have a year left and then I want to travel, even though I'm mad about her I still have my own ambitions. Then there is the biggest factor that we are both 'straight' girls. I think it would ruin our friendship with the other girls but more importantly I totally fear coming out to my parents. I've grown to not care what my friends at home think but I know it will be hard for my parents to accept and it's not what they want to hear. I feel like there are so many factors against us, and I'm not even 100% sure how she feels, but I'm mad about her and depressed that I'm not around her. Do you think it's something I should pursue or should I leave us to be friends?
  2. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

    Jul 4, 2013
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    Anon123, it sounds like you have a whole slew of feelings to unpack on your new attraction to women. I am very happy to hear that you have the maturity and ambition to want to take care of school first. That is very smart.

    Sounds like you both fooled around and it may or may not mean something more to you than it does her. You will never know unless you talk to her. If your mind is so occupied with this all then you may have to do it ahead of time on Skype or something. This may help you put things to bed so you can concentrate on school. Otherwise I understand this stuff is best said in person. In the best of worlds, do you want a committed relationship with her? Do you see someone like her as a girlfriend?

    As to coming out to your parents, it is not an automatic consequence, is it? I would hop that bridge when you have where you are with this girl figured out, and your sexuality figured out. Then you can ponder on that decision.

    My feeling on this is, you and her girlfriends are her primary connection emotionally while she connects with guys as secondary that way, but she connects with you sexually as a secondary while with guys it is a primary. I don't know if that makes sense. She could be doing that because that is how she feels or she is just taking what she is doing as the norm of what any free spirited straight girl should do.

    Your admission will affect your friendship but the way you are carrying on wouldn't it be better knowing than not?
    Spygirl, Anon123, rac and 1 other person like this.

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