I'm going crazy!!! Please help!!

Discussion in 'Advice (Dear AE...)' started by IDreamToFly, May 4, 2015.

  1. IDreamToFly

    IDreamToFly New Member

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    Guys I really need some advice. Someone from outside looking in my situation and maybe sharing some imput because I've been driving myself crazy trying to find a solution for this problem.

    A few months ago I've met this amazing girl. She's just great, beautiful, quirky, great sense of humor, we just hit it off from day one. We've spent almost every day together for a long period of time, hanging out, flirting and joking around, I thought it was only a matter of time before we got together.
    But about 2 months ago, one of my best friends, who's a guy, told me he really likes her and that he's gonna ask her out. Which he did. And she accepted. Now they're sort of dating and I just thought that maybe I missunderstood things, and she was just being friendly. So I did the normal thing (although it kind of broke my heart) and took a step back. I thought, well if she accepted going out with him she probably likes him, plus he's my friend so I shouldn't interfere.
    In the last couple of weeks though, she got close to me again, trying to get things back the way they were before, and even though I knew it wasn't really fair to him I kind of let it happen. I confronted her about it though and she told me she's in love with me and I wasn't wrong in assuming that but she cannot do anything about that, not in the open anyway, because she comes from a muslim family, very strict and they would never accept something like that. She told me she doesn't love my friend, it's just the option that her parents will accept.
    So what am I suppose to do now? I don't know if I could live with her here and hide for the rest of my life. Also there's my friend, who's a really nice guy and he cares so much about her and I really don't want to hurt him.
    I offered her to leave the country and move somewhere else, find a job and just be together but she told me her family is the kind of family who'd travel until the end of the world to find her and drag her home.
    I love her but really I don't know what to do. She's in a situation where she can't be with me and maybe she can never be and I'm in a situation where I'd have to betray one of my best friends to be with her, even if it's not openly.
    HELP!!!
     
    #1
  2. LPretreat

    LPretreat Active Member

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    I think the first thing for her to do would be to break it off with that guy. He seems to be nice, and he is your friend so maybe you should tell her to let him go. Because there's no sense in dragging a third person into the situation. As for the two of you that's going to be really tricky. Religion plays such a huge factor sometimes. I think a lot of us can relate to that aspect of things, but ultimately she's facing a very slim chance of her parents coming around. That may very well be a lifelong struggle for her unless she moves away and disappears.

    Unfortunately that is the case sometimes. Some are lucky and have a supportive family and others have something entirely different. It really comes down to her being true to herself or staying close to her family and their beliefs. That may not even be something she's ready to decide yet, depending on how old she is and what she has experienced.

    I wouldn't say give up on her. It's clear that she likes you and perhaps you two can end up together happy somewhere else away from all of the negativity. Only time will tell, but it's your choice whether or not you want to take that journey with her.
     
    #2
    ThoughtsAnonymous likes this.
  3. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    I feel that her safety is the number one concern here.

    Other than that you have two problems:

    1. You don't want your friend to be the beard. I would say because of primary concern for her safety, don't tell him. You will never know how a broken hearted person will react. (Or, how a very religious person can get even more religious over their kid's moral upbringing.)

    You can't make her do anything but you can decide to be with her discreetly if she is not with anyone. She can break it off with him without giving the real reason.

    2. You may have to hide your relationship with her in the duration of your relationship. Are you ok with that?

    Good luck, I feel for you!
     
    #3
    Last edited: May 4, 2015
    ThoughtsAnonymous and Nancy like this.
  4. MousetrapLover

    MousetrapLover Active Member

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    I agree with both LPretreat and greylin. she would probably need to break it off with the nice guy. And like greylin said her safety is a concern.

    Religion can play a big factor on a person's views. Coming from a Muslim family I can understand her reason. It's not easy to come out with any religious strict family.

    Lastly if you believe you two can be happy without being in the open, then Best of luck to you two. Hopefully you can be together without both of you being in fear.
     
    #4
    Nancy likes this.

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