Im about to date a stripper

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by Bitown1986, Aug 25, 2016.

  1. Bitown1986

    Bitown1986 New Member

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    hi. I'm a black 29 yr old woman in the states. so I've recently said goodbye to my first ever gf of two years. its been about 2 or 3 months. It was seriously the hardest ive ever taken a break up before, since we both left on good terms. Our breakup being due to long distance and my need to explore my new city and possibly my sexuality. It was extreeeeemely hard, as i had become depressed and almost self destructive. I tend to act rashly, when i'm not confident in myself. The breakup took a lot from me, and i went as far as to pay a guy friend to come have sex with me, like some sorta gigalo. never again. it was the worst, and it eventually made me slow my roll and become more aware of my worth.

    So i decided that, i should not sleep around to solve my loneliness issues... I instead would start frequenting stripclubs. All i wanted was some human contact. something.... well, I got the energy to get up and head to a fancy stripclub with a friend one night. It was awesome. I think strip clubs are now my favorite thing. i got about two lap dances and the last girl.... well there was only one African American girl dancing that night.... and she didnt catch my eye at first. My friend wanted her, so i agreed to share her dance with him. we sit down in a side area and wait for the next song to start. during that time, we chatted with the dancer. Learned that she was actually pretty smart. I told her about my recent breakup and how im just here to have fun. She was interested in me, which i chucked up as the manner of her business with me. I kept it pretty vague as i dont enjoy wasted breathe.

    So the new song starts and she is up starting to dannce for us.... on us...in us... (nah, just on us, lol) and i notice she gave me most of the attention. whispering, that i could touch her if i wanted to. well, dont mind if i do. I use my hands firmly as she dances. I admit, that my firmness was a thing i used on my ex who loved it, but i wasnt expecting it to mess with this dancers flow. It messed with her flow. She turned to me to tell me that i was making her nervous. Then i realized how cute she was. she had a spark in her eyes. wonderful features. i told her, " you are so beautiful" ... that's it. simple. She became bashful and told me the same. our dance ended and i didnt want anymore lap dances. she made me curious. lord knows i was just off of a relationship. wth am i curious about?

    well i ended up throwing the last of my money away before i readied for a cab home. as i waited, she passed by towing new male customer. she saw that i was about to leave and stopped to ask the front desk for a paper and pen. I was handed her phone number... and that is how we met.

    It's been 3 weeks since then, and I got to hang out with her. We became instagram friends. and I have an official date with her this weekend. After hanging out with her, i discovered that she started stripping at 18yrs old. that she 20.... 20! yrs old now. I learned that she is far more put together than i was at 20. She's a natural beauty and the lusty cynic in me wants to do stuff to her. The fearful and thoughtful side is telling me to not do stuff to her.

    My main issue? I feel like she is too young for me. I want a serious relationship, but not so soon. She's absolutely infatuated with me and i fear that its the glorifying of your elder. so on one end, i do like the sound of private lap dances... but the other, i don't ever want to break a good heart, again. I feel super guilty when i hurt good people. she's such a sweet girl, but i just am not sure where i stand yet or if id ever be into her as a gf. She is deff trying to wife me up... im deff trying to put my face in her stuff. that's all i know.

    yeah, advice is welcomed.
     
    #1
  2. Lauren_1989

    Lauren_1989 Active Member

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    My first piece of advice would be to concentrate on yourself first and foremost. Your post hints at something much more significant than the girl you're seeing. It's obvious that your break up caused a lot of self destruction, a lot of heartbreak and led to some fairly irrational behaviour. Is that something you need to work on? Relationships aren't the making of us, you need to love and respect yourself first and foremost.

    Secondly, if you're interested in this girl there's no reason not to pursue it, if you're both on the same page. You say that you think she's infatuated with you, you need to be honest with her about how you feel. There's no reason for anyone to get hurt if you're honest from the start. Her age is potentially a problem, at 20, you're still a child (or at least I was) but saying that, there are plenty of mature and responsible 20 year olds.

    Just take it easy, tell her how you feel and where you stand and in the mean time, concentrate on yourself and healing after your break up.
     
    #2
    Spygirl and Bitown1986 like this.
  3. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    Deal with your self destructive issues.

    Don't date a stripper. There is a very high chance that she is putting on a 'show' of liking you to get your money. That, after all, is what strippers do - separate lonely and horny people from their money. Trust me, I have acquaintances who are strippers, I know a thing about this.

    Get therapy to deal with your self destructive issues and don't date anyone until you have solid recovery (aka months and months of therapy) under your feet.
     
    #3
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  4. Bitown1986

    Bitown1986 New Member

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    Thanks Blue note. appreciate your wisdom. I am deff going to let her know that my intentions will be to focus on myself. She is super sweet as a person, and actually didnt want me to pay for anything on our hang out. I don't see her being a money grabber, but i understand where you're coming from. I literally had to force her to let me pay for a lap dance the second time i went to the club to visit her after our date. I see that my biggest issue is my mind space and her age. she is deff a sweetheart. i'd say, im more trouble than she is in this case. I'll break it down to her this weekend on our official date. which she just wants to walk around a lake. nothing expensive. im down for it. I did think about not dating anyone until i got my confidence back. i might take that path.... but as it appears... the chances are high that I will spend time with this girl. Even if she'd be okay with friendship. but yeah... not sure what is to come. ill have more of an idea of what to do after our date saturday.
     
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  5. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    She is just being all nice at first until you let your guard down.

    This is a common hustlers move, to pretend that they aren't interested in your money, won't let you pay, refuse to take anything, etc... Once you are 'hooked' they slowly start taking more and more money.
     
    #5
    Last edited: Aug 26, 2016
  6. TheScandinavian

    TheScandinavian Well-Known Member

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    To be honest, I'd take the risk to date a stripper. You said it yourself-who doesn't want private lap dances? ;) But here's the main thing-I am certain I don't want anything that serious so she needs to be on the same page with me.

    Tell her how you feel and hope for the best? Maybe she's really the kind hearted person you claim she is or @Bluenote could be right and she might be putting on a show. Usually people with such jobs are very VERY charming, sexy & overall-hard to resist.
     
    #6
  7. Eloise

    Eloise Well-Known Member

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    Blue note is right. She is a hustler. I met a straight woman who used to strip who would flirt like hell with a lesbian. The lesbian was sure she was into her and gave her whatever she wanted on the off chance she'd get her into bed. However, the straight woman revealed to me that she had no interest in the lesbian but learned to flirt with the lesbians who came into the strip club because they were great tippers. She wanted something from the lesbian and as long as she got it she would lead her on. I had to pull the lesbian aside and let her know the truth. She didn't want to hear it so I called her an old fool, which she was. None of her friends wanted to be around the stripper because she was trash. Don't fall for it.
     
    #7
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