I'm a closeted lesbian and another girl keeps staring at me and smiling. I don't understand

Discussion in 'Does She Like Me?' started by tbd, Oct 24, 2018.

  1. tbd

    tbd New Member

    Sep 5, 2018
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    As context: I’m a closeted lesbian in college and I was recently introduced to this girl I’ll call X. Whenever I went to another event that she went to, I noticed she was staring at me while I was talking to a group of people. I saw this from my peripheral vision.. and I was thinking that was unlikely, so at one point I glanced over and saw her staring back at me and smiling. Also recently I was in a waiting room, and the receptionist called at someone to ask them who they were waiting for. When I looked up, it was X and she was staring and smiling at me. I was so surprised and we said hi and she kept staring at me even while the receptionist was trying to get her attention. I can’t tell if she has a crush on me or if she wants to be my friend.. or just thinks I’m interesting to look at or something. I would say I’m somewhat good looking.. I dress pretty decently — I have a sporty look and more of a feminine urban outfitters kinda look.. so I don’t think anyone knows I’m gay since I never told anyone and I don’t really show a lot of stereotypical signs of one. X is very feminine.. she's pretty out of my league, and I don't think I would necessarily want to start anything with her even if she were interested in me because I'm still in the closet..

    Anyone have any opinion of what this could be.. I know no one can have the right answers, but I just want to know what this sounds like to other people. I also don't really know how to handle this.. so any advice would be great!
  2. Coffee Addict

    Coffee Addict Well-Known Member

    Jul 23, 2013
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    It is hard to tell if it is a crush, friendship, or if she is just amused ... I think she is being friendly. That's the start of any type of relationship. Maybe next time just say hi, you may be missing finding a good friend.
    Nancy and greylin like this.
  3. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

    Jul 4, 2013
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    @tbd, I hope you will to come to accept yourself and your sexuality. I don't know if you have ever run past a fence with a stick, but sometimes, it is okay to make some noise even when no one seems to be listening. Or, per @Coffee Addict's advice, just say hi.
    Nancy likes this.
  4. Writer23

    Writer23 Well-Known Member

    Jul 14, 2018
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    Hi Tbd,

    On the one hand, it is very possible that you like her and, to some degree, you are misconstruing her actions to mean that she also likes you. By this I mean, it can very possibly be wishful thinking. Conversely, on the other hand, George Herbert once wrote that “love and a cough cannot be hid.” I believe this premise also applies to attraction. It is very possible that you are both attracted to one another and completely unaware that the attraction is evident.

    You explain that you have a sporty look and I am sure that there are other elements that make it evident that you are attracted to women. Some stereotypes are just true. I have so many of them. You might live in what I call a “glass closet”. Have you ever met someone who appeared openly gay or bi and was genuinely shocked that he or she was unaware that his or her orientation was obvious? This could very well be your situation. It is also very possible that she is attracted to you and in the closet also, so proceed with caution. Do not act until you know with absolute certitude that there is something there.


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