I will always love her no matter how hard I t...

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by sol1554, Nov 6, 2013.

  1. sol1554

    sol1554 Member

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    In high school I feel in love with my straight best friend. This seems like it happens all the time and, truthfully, if that was where my story ended, I would be fine with that. However, there's more to it.

    I'm not one for unrequited love. Call me pragmatic but I just don't see the point in wasting all that energy on something that will never happen. So why did I fall in love with a straight girl? Well, it didn't seem unrequited. She liked to hold my hand, leave me voicemails late at night, show up on my doorstep at 10pm and sat in my lap every chance she got. When she hugged me it always seemed a little more than just friendly. Maybe I read too much into it and that's where the story ends but I had a gut feeling that it wasn't like that. I spent two years of my life falling madly in love. I thought, and still think, she was absolute perfection in human form.

    Eventually, I got a girlfriend and had to partition my time between my best friend and my girlfriend. They didn't like each other at all. It always seemed like they were jealous of one another. My friend eventually went to college a few hours away, I finished up my senior year and broke up with my girlfriend. When I went to college, I took a trip to visit my best friend. We got drunk and she became extra affectionate. Someone at the party even asked if we were lesbians. She replied with a smile: "I'm not. She is." as she sat in my lap with my arms around her waist and our fingers interlaced.

    This is where things got really tough. I tried not to stay too hung up, even though in my heart I just KNEW that she was it for me. I dated in college and ended up getting a girlfriend who is now my fiancee. I love her deeply and enjoy spending time with her but I just don't feel that indescribable something that I felt with my best friend. And my best friend? She literally moved to the other side of the world. I've tried to contact her through social media, just to say hello, but she won't even respond to me. I found out through another friend that a few years ago she admitted that I was the closest she ever came to being in love with a woman but she couldn't imagine herself not having children (which doesn't even make sense). So it wasn't all in my mind.

    Deep down, I still know that she's the one. I'll never have anything like that again. It was just too perfect a connection to ever recreate. Not a day goes by that I don't think about her. I truly believe that she felt it too. Maybe it scared her. Maybe she moved across the globe to run away from a truth that was just too much to handle. Maybe all of this really is unreciprocated. I will honestly never know. All I know is, I will always love her and, more than likely, we will never speak again.
     
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  2. Maison Clicquot

    Maison Clicquot Well-Known Member

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    Re: I will always love her no matter how hard...

    That's sad, living a lie... marrying to someone who you don't love as much as your ex best friend.
     
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  3. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    Re: I will always love her no matter how hard...

    I think you are probably overly romanticizing it because it was the first time you got hit by the cupid's arrow that hard. Unrequited love, even if you think that the only thing that stood between you and her are not repressed feelings but just her prejudiced upbringing, is kinda a terrible thing. Sometimes we want to find the beauty of that connection even with a person who would flirt but ultimately reject the notion of being with a woman and give it meaning. I hope you can find peace with your feelings and can gain some clarity that there is nothing perfect and attractive about what she has done to you.

    You have a woman who wants to spend the rest of her life with you. I hope you can be happy. I hope you can retrain the paths of your thoughts and enjoy the abundance of love given to you with sincerity and not the baiting that had left you wanting more.
     
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  4. Ohiogirl

    Ohiogirl Member

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    Re: I will always love her no matter how hard...

    I’ve been where you are. I feel deeply in love with my best friend when I was 18. I spent four years romanticizing the relationship and believing she was it for me. Our relationship, though platonic, was so much deeper than just best friends. We were emotionally and spiritually connected on a level that I did not think I could ever duplicate. She was everything to me and I was the same to her. When we graduated college, we had a huge fight – I think years of repressed feelings and the fear of going our separate ways had finally taken its toll on us. She told me she never wanted to speak to me again and it wasn’t until two years later that she called with the simple message that she will never love anyone the way she loved me. It’s been 10 years since that message and I still remember it like it was yesterday. I think of her everyday but not in the longing way that I used to. I am thankful for the four years I had being her best friend and I am thankful that she opened my soul to true love. It wasn’t easy getting over her and I’m convinced that you never really get over those you truly love. I think the best you can do is be grateful for the time you had with them. I have a girlfriend of 13 years, our first year together was very rocky due to the fact I was still hopelessly in love with another person but there was something about the potential of this new love that kept me around. I am thankful every day that I am with my girlfriend and that I didn’t pursue the path of unrequited love. I have experienced so many great things and I am in a relationship that is healthy and so rewarding on every level. I wish you the best of luck and encourage you to focus on what you have with your fiancé because it very well may blossom into something that is truly fantastic.
     
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  5. Moses

    Moses Well-Known Member

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    Re: I will always love her no matter how hard...

    You believe she was/is the one for you. You believe she is perfect. You believe no-one else will ever match up.

    And then you say you think about her every day and you can't forget her etc. Of course you think about her every day. You think about her every day because of the things you believe about her. In order to stop thinking about her every day, you would have to change the things you believe about her. And to do that, you would have to want to and choose to.

    You would have to let go, give up, admit you were wrong. Which is soooo hard, especially in light of everything you have invested into her, in your thoughts and dreams at least. To stop now, without getting the girl, would be worse than failure, I understand. But you are pouring a lot of love and longing into a vessel with a hole in it, and you are wasting all that love and longing. Worse still, you are depriving yourself of the utter bliss of being the recipient of love and longing.

    Maybe you are not ready for that gift yet, and when you are, you will find a way to put that anxious, unloving burden aside and accept a more loved future.

    As you are in a pattern of thinking about her, you will certainly have to retrain your brain not to as Greylin said. Won't it be interesting for your brain too to have something else to think about? I bet a lot of yourself is really sick of thinking about the girl that never was and might be very relieved to let her go. Have a listen to your heart and mind to see if that's the case.
     
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  6. bittersweetlife9

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    Re: I will always love her no matter how hard...

    Wow that's my high school story…except we dated in college eventually and 3 years later she decided she was going to cheat on me with dudes, but play games with me at the same time… She's married now to some dude and I've moved on. I feel since she was my first love and real best friend so i tend to over romanticize it a bit when it was all just drama and bs. I learned so much, but was it worth losing a friendship? Nope. If i could turn back time….I wouldn't have dated her.

    Your story ends like mine in a way, she's gone, no contact, but you've moved on. Focus on those that are there for you and love you…your first love can have a special place in the back of your mind, but it is what it is..
     
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  7. Jessie87

    Jessie87 Member

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    Re: I will always love her no matter how hard...

    I've experienced something similar, except we dated for one amazing year. In the end it didn't work out, but yes, I do think about her everyday. Chemistry is a bitch. Humans love to obsess over what they cannot have. Love your fiancee and leave the past where it belongs. Life is too short.
     
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  8. flowerpowerxxx

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    Re: I will always love her no matter how hard...

    Unrequited love is often much more intense.
    When you are not really together with someone, you don't experience their bad qualities the same way you would when dating, you fantasize about them and you romanticize them.
    What you don't have, often seems better, ...
    The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.

    Is she really "the one"? (How do you know if you've never been with her? )

    (How comes you aren't speaking anymore? I think it would be better if you could get some closure.
    If she keeps on not responding, maybe you can talk about it with that friend? It's time for you to let it go, I think)

    She said you were the closest to being in love with a woman she has ever been, but that doesn't mean she is gay or in the closet or whatever. In fact, she probably is straight, but has had some feelings.

    I hope this doesn't come across as to harsh. Ofcourse, I don't know either of you and I might be wrong. I am speaking from my own experience and every situation is different.
     
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