I think she likes me and that's tricky...

Discussion in 'Does She Like Me?' started by Camille, Mar 12, 2014.

  1. Camille

    Camille Member

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    So I have this friend…first off, i like her. I've liked her for a while. And she's also gay.

    Lately we've been spending a lot of time together, long nights studying, dinner, hanging out on the weekend, texting etc. Learning more about each other. The other night we had a conversation where she learned a bit more about me and I guess it brought us closer. But the next night (yesterday night) when we got together to study in the lab with her lab mates, we were more physical than usual…leaning into each other, feet constantly touching, random little touches, mainly form her but some from me, and talk that could be taken as flirting. Once the lab mates left, we weren't nearly as touchy, almost just by default, as if we knew we could get in trouble if we kept doing that alone.

    I walked her to her car, she drove me to mine, she now has a habit of telling me to text her when I get home and she wishes me sweet dreams at night. She wears brighter colors occasionally now when she almost never used to, as though she knows it'll catch my attention. I talked about Gaga for a while, and she went and bought all of her albums. We were talking about Xena for a bit (i love that show) and now she's basically binge-watching it. We message in the afternoon and we get dinner together three days out of the week now.

    I'm not entirely sure if this means we're becoming good friends or if it means she likes me. Or maybe I do know but i'm in denial because I have a girlfriend, so nothing can happen between me and this girl and if she likes me back then we're in very tricky waters, because I really like her being my friend. But mutual feeling could really seriously get in the way.

    What do you all think? :shock:
     
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  2. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    Hmmm, halfway into this I thought, "sounds like they are dating already." Then I got to the part where you have a girlfriend. Yikes, Camille, you are already babystepping into an affair. The litmus test is, if your girlfriend is cool with all the things that are going on, then sure, it is fine. But if you tell her about the touchy feely stuff and she is like, uh, no. Then you know it ain't right. Everything you do you need to base it on whether it would be an offense to your existing relationship.

    If you love your gf and don't want to go any further with your friend, then the thing to do might be to tell your friend why you are backing off so she doesn't think you are mad at her or something.
     
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  3. Camille

    Camille Member

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    Update:

    I took what you said to heart. While i'm not vocally pushing her away, I have kept her more of an arm's distance away.
    Also, with my girl…so it started me thinking about a lot of things, particularly the fact that I do want to be with her for the long run. So, i've explained to her that i'm not gonna do anything to harm our relationship, which was also me promising her that I wouldn't do anything with this girl. I can't break a promise.

    Anyway, but yeah thanks, i was afraid that was what I was doing. It just got hazy cuz…ugh cuz she's my friend and i really care about her and I see her a lot more than i see my girlfriend (i only get to see my girl for a little less than 24hrs once a week as of now).

    But anyway, thanks :)
     
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  4. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    I totally get it that you love your gf and you are a good partner. It is a very common thing to love someone and still find others attractive. It is also easy to develop feelings for someone you are in the trenches with. I don't know what the exact formula is to head off unfaithfulness but I am glad you are able to talk about it. I hope you will get to see her more. Do you guys get to chat all the time even though you don't see each other as much or do you find it easier to text the other lady? If the latter is true then maybe it is something worth looking into.

    Takes care and good luck with everything. :)
     
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  5. Camille

    Camille Member

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    Okay, so an update from this whole thing…

    First thing first, this girl identifies on the asexual chart as being demisexual, which means that she only becomes sexually attracted to someone that she forms a strong emotional bond to. While she was finding this out, she found out about about the term "squish" which is like, an asexual crush. Imagine having a crush on someone, but without being sexually attracted to them, but wanting something more than just friends, except not physically, and you have a squish.

    She let me know that she has a squish on me, which makes total sense in terms of the way she has treated me, and after thinking about it, I realized that what i;ve felt for her too is more along the lines of a squish. So we became squishes. My gf knows this and is okay with this, she knows that she is mine.

    The issue now is the fact that at times we'll hang out, and have serious talks and get closer as friends, but every now and again she brings romance into the picture. and when we're hanging out with her other squish and my friend, sometimes they say things that make me wonder how true the "squish" is and it not just being her having a crush on me. Like insider things that she and the other friend will talk about, but if I ask about it, they clam up and change the subject. For instance, the other night we were talking about girls, and her friend said that it turns out that he and april have the same taste in women. So I ask uuu and what is this type? which is a totally innocent question, and he got awkward all of a sudden and just said, uhhh, I don't know, hehe. Which was weird. Or we'll talk about our mutual friendship together, and the friend will go out of his way to assure me that the girl likes me. And he's made a poit of saying that I am special [in the girl's eyes]. And the girl gives me long hugs, and will just stare at me, and like I said before, will at times bring romance into it all, which is something squishes aren't supposed to do.

    And on a side note, we will start getting even closer to each other, like that past night, and then for the rest of the week, it's almost like she avoids me. Like, won't answer texts, cancels plans we made to hang out, etc. And then by the next week, she's willing and excited to be all close to me again, as if she didn't just ignore me everyday after the last time we hung out. I don't know if it's my lesbian tendency of over-analyzing a situation, but that's what's going on and I DONT GET IT.

    On a plus, my gf and I are stronger than ever and I know for sure she is the one for me. This thing with this other girl, its just driving me a bit nuts. I wanna know what's going on, but i can't text her and ask because chance are she won't text back.

    Help?
    (sorry for length)
     
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  6. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    I think your squish does want your goodies. She is afraid to keep forming an emotional bond with you that takes her out of her comfort zone. She knows you are taken so it is natural for all that is happening now.

    Kudos to keeping your gf informed and oh my lands your gf is a total keeper. If your gf is not your closest friend she should be. She is that rare inclusive, loving and non jealous person.

    Here's my guess: I think you know this about your gf being gold but you might feel a little guilty that at times your squish makes your socks roll up and down more than your gf does?

    If I were in your shoes, I would take a text free holiday from everyone else and spend time with my gf who communicates with me well. Make an announcement to your friends and the squish about the holiday. Who knows, you might get an interesting response from the squish. The squish is making an awful lot of noise in your life and she is doing something I don't like which is hot and cold instead of communicating. I know it is easier said than done but perhaps cutting out the noise will gain you some perspective?
     
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  7. Camille

    Camille Member

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    It's funny that you say to take a text-free holiday and just spend it with my girl, cuz I actually went out of my way to spend saturday evening with her at her place. I'm totally gonna take up that idea though, and do a whole day.

    Thanks for the advice, it'll def be interesting to see what the response from the squish will be when I do that. It may just prove you (and what I have had suspicions about) as right. It just sucks cuz I really love having her as my friend, and i do feel a little guilty because I am able to spend more time with her than with my gf at this time, and she does make me smile, she's an adorable little bugger. But yeah my gf is indeed my best friend, and i'm not gonna do anything that messes up what we have…which is the main reason that i need to know where the squish's head is, just that that I know for sure and can act accordingly.

    Anyway, thanks again!
     
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