I think she likes me. . . and I'm scared to mess it up either way

Discussion in 'Does She Like Me?' started by duct-tape-heart, Dec 4, 2014.

  1. duct-tape-heart

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    I'll start by saying, I'm very openly queer, including at work.

    I've been working with this girl for a couple months now. I always thought she was cool and we have a lot of shared interests. There's a slight age difference- she's 20, I'm 25, not a huge deal. We always talk during our shifts (sometimes even bending the rules and leaving our assigned positions to do so). But she's very chatty and talks to a lot of our coworkers.

    I was kind of crushing on her a bit, but didn't know how she identified and kind of figured she was straight (because when I crush on them, they normally are, haha). Well, a few weeks ago we were chatting as we are prone to do. She was telling me a story and said, "The person I was dating." I didn't think anything of that, but she continued with her story and referenced that person again, this time saying, "Well, then SHE called me." Her eyes got huge and she slapped a hand over her mouth. Clearly she didn't mean to out herself. I did what any decent person would do and acted like she hadn't said anything.

    Well since then, we've continued chatting just as much, being very goofy with each other and we've developed some inside jokes. She's been more open about her sexuality, talking about wanting to go to Pride next year, her work with her campus LGBT organization. Last Friday, she said that she was going to go see Mockingjay. I said that I'd been wanting to see it. She says, "I'm going alone." And of course I wanted to be like, "Hey, can I come?" but of course it was the one night I absolutely had to be somewhere after work!

    She was inviting me to ask her out, wasn't she? Did I fuck up?
     
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  2. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    I don't think it's a good idea to date someone you work with. All sorts of bad posibilities - romance gone south becomes BS sexual harrasment complaint, awkward working together, you get busted making out in the broom closet - again, etc...

    I slso think there is more difference between 20 and 25 than you realize. You're comfy being out and she is still working at it.

    But let's say you ignore my warnings. No, I don't think this was your one and only chance and you missed it. If you want to hang out with her, you can always suggest something else. I'm guessing you know enough about her taste in movies / music / coffee, etc... to ask her to a hang out but not date type thing.

    Oh and keep us posted.
     
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  3. Moses

    Moses Well-Known Member

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    The good thing is that u see each other most days, have time to hang out and pass the time together, so the likelyhood is that u'll have heaps of chances to ask her out. Kay, this one was an open door, but at least now u have some evidence to suggest that she might not mind hanging with u outside work.

    What kinda job is it? Is it like a professional career thing r a fun/pay the rent kinda job? If it's the latter, from what I recall of them, hanging out with ur colleagues was part n parcel of the experience. Where I'm going with this is that in ur 30's/40's whatever. ..in a professional job...hanging out with r dating ur colleagues is something u consider carefully, but at ur age....it's really common and where most people meet their friends/dates....There is v very little to lose is asking her to hang out. It's unlikely it will b seen as socially inappropriate or what not. Kay if u make it really obvious it's a date in the asking, yea maybe u'll have cause for the jitters...but u needdn't b all 'this is a date' when asking. If u both have chemistry and r both into each other, the date vibe will leak out through the seams during the date....

    Ramble ramble...what I'm saying is man up woman. ..the coast is clear n u have the green light...etc etc. Hop to it and let us know how it goes.
     
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  4. Narley

    Narley Well-Known Member

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    hmmm I definitely think she was hinting at more... possibly a bit too shy to ask you fully to go with her. Maybe you should have been like... *[email protected] been wanting to see that film too, I'd offer to go with you but I already have another commitment* and seen what her response was.

    I also see where Bluenote is coming from, I think you have to assess your job... is it a career orientated position, one that you expect to be in for a while? If so better to air on the side of caution, especailly if your job contract prohibits personal relationships.
    Saying that...I've known a few couples that work together. One was a very good friend of mine and actually the boss at that particular business. She started dating a younger man who worked there. They are still together 6 years later though no longer working together as the Job wasn't really a career path but more something to pass the time whilst they searched. Also My parents actually work together and have since they've been married... Its not easy at all but I wouldn't say its a complete write off dating someone you work with. You just have to be very professional and leave your personal life at home when you come to work. Which is difficult. I think you need to honestly ask yourself how you would cope if things did go south with this Girl? Are you her senior in any way? is she yours?

    My personal advice is to move slowly with this, build a good honest friendship out of work before deciding whether this is a relationship you want to pursue. If you go to the movies with her, treat it like going with a friend rather than a date, just for a month or two. That way you'll get to know her better away from your work enviroment without the risk of things getting awkward at your job.

    Oh and definitely keep us posted!! :)
     
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  5. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member

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    First things first dating at work not a great idea if this is the career type job. If it's not a career type job ie just a paycheck, you mentioned campus so one or you/both (?) are at college/in education, then I would suggest seeing where this is going. It would appear that she hinting stuff at you mentioning the "she" and other nice and wholesome gay activities, looks like she's trying to gauge a reaction from you. Does she know you're a fan of the ladies? I'd suggest keep the chat and the in jokes going, ask her to grab a coffee/drink after work and see where that gets you.
     
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  6. Coffee Addict

    Coffee Addict Well-Known Member

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    I agree with the commenters above regarding dating a coworker. Whether is a career job or not, just keep it professional at the workplace. I also agree with keeping the conversation going and don't worry you can ask her to watch the movie again or perhaps some other one.
    Good luck!
     
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  7. duct-tape-heart

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    For further information on the situation- It's a casual part time gig. A lot of the employees are my age or younger. I'm doing it because it's fun and kind of adjacent to my field. It'll look nice on a resume someday, but I don't think I'll have a career in this place. Two of our coworkers dated in the past, and it wasn't a big deal. Also, one of our supervisors has been blatantly turning a blind eye to our excessive chatting, as long as we're attentive when patrons are in our assigned areas (which we both are- customer service comes first.)
     
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  8. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    Next time the chance comes, ask her out. Pick something low key.
     
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  9. duct-tape-heart

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    So I asked her out today and she said yes! So, we'll see what happens next...
     
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  10. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member

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    Cracking news!
     
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  11. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    AE needs to come up with a trophy category for this. Just sayin'
     
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  12. duct-tape-heart

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    Update for anyone who may be interested. We dated for a little while, but it fizzled out naturally and we're still really good friends.
     
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  13. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member

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    The important thing is you're happy. You've made a friend and gained some experience, when you're ready you drop back into the dating pool. Good Luck :)
     
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  14. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

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    Nothing ventured, nothing gained. And you're better off having taken the plunge...than thinking "what if?" :)
     
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