* This will be lengthy. Four months ago, I met a woman who's twelve years my senior (she's 35 and I'm 23). We met at a work-related event where she was introduced to me by my co-worker who's a close friend of hers. Let's call her S. She's a tall, blue-eyed blonde whose androgyny strangely drew me to her the instant I saw her. Now, I say "strangely', because the type of women I'm usually attracted to are sultry, perky and outgoing femmes (and straight girls, ha). And if I were to be very specific, women with dark hair and curves, and who were at least the same age as I was or younger, were the kind I liked to woo and try to impress. But then S, who didn't fall into any of those specifications, came along. I suppose, in a way, she and I are similar. Both in terms of appearance and disposition. She's an androgynous lesbian with an athletic build, and I, also an androgynous lesbian, bear pretty much the same appearance (except that I'm a brunette); she likes to play silent and mysterious, and these have always been my trademarks. Furthermore, that night we met, it was clear that like me, she has quite an intimidating and dominant personality. Before that event ended, we exchanged numbers. Several days after we met, she sent me a text message inviting me to have coffee with her. Without hesitation, I agreed. We met up, spent a few hours talking (and mildly flirting) over coffee, and then we ended up having dinner (and engaging in more flirting), and then going to a bar right after where we finally kissed (and that's an understatement, because in actuality, we made out so hard that people started to think we were devouring each other, ha). Long story short, we went to her place and ended the day magnificently by having amazing sex. After that encounter, meeting up with each other just to have sex became a routine. One of us would contact the other out of the blue with the intention of getting each other worked up, until we agreed to meet up and ultimately take care of our lustful neediness (usually at her place or my place, or at some inn, or if we were adventurous, some place public but isolated). This went on for two months - an "arrangement" founded solely on lust. Every sexual encounter between us was void of emotion, and both of us weren't in the least bit interested in each other's personal lives. Our (brief) after-sex conversations were mostly about work; and sometimes, one of us would applaud/praise the other at how skilled she was with her tongue and fingers (ha). S certainly wasn't my first sport fuck. I had been engaging in casual sex ever since I realized I was into girls, and that I loved and enjoyed sex tremendously. However, what made S different was that, I constantly wanted and needed her. And to have been engaging in casual sex with someone (who wasn't my type, to boot) for more than a month was odd to me. Also, even though what we had was purely sexual attraction, a part of me was undeniably curious about who she was. I eventually learned to brush off that curiosity because I believed it had the potential of taking the fun out of it all. After two months (September and October), the constancy of our "arrangement" died down in early November. I became extremely busy with work, one of my closest friends was going through a separation, and my mother (who's based in another country) came to visit me. I had somewhat forgotten all about S. I wasn't surprised by this, because as I had said, there was no emotional attachment between us whatsoever. I had this "Oh well. It was fun while it lasted." mentality towards things as I often did with my previous casual sex partners. I also assumed it was the same for her, and I believed that she was just as busy as I was, especially since she had mentioned to me that she was leading a very important project for the company she's working for. Fast forward to mid December, I unexpectedly received a text message from S. It was a typical "Hi. How are you?" message, to which I responded with a typical reply. She then asked to meet up with me, so that we could "catch up" (her words). I had a huge grin on my face when I'd read her invite, because I was fully expecting that we would go at it again; that we would pick up right where we left off with our fun "arrangement". But as it turns out, I was wrong. We met up on a Sunday at her favorite restaurant. We casually embraced when we saw each other and had lunch comfortably, talking about work mostly. What happened after we had lunch was something I don't think I'll ever forget... She took me to the beach. At first, I had thought that it was just her getting all adventurous and wanting us to go at it by the shores of that quiet and isolated beach. But no. To my surprise, all she wanted to do was talk. She opened up to me that afternoon, telling me that that beach was where she grew up and that it was her favorite place. She told me details about herself I was once so curious about. More importantly, she shared to me heartbreaking stories about her childhood and how most of her experiences have helped shape the person she is today. I swear, it was as if I was in the presence of a completely different person that afternoon. And this strange feeling just overwhelmed me. We continued to see each other after that particular Sunday, and all of these encounters were not sexual. We would go out to eat, to have coffee, to watch a movie and even to go shopping for tasteful clothing, since we both have a dapper sense of style (suits, blazers, button-ups, collared shirts, tailored pants, neck/bow ties, you name it). We continued to open up to each other regarding our personal lives, but we never talked about how we feel about each other. And right now, I feel like that's a problem. On my end, anyway. Truth be told, (and I don't know if it's just me assuming things) I sometimes feel that she is in love with me. But there are also times that I feel that she simply likes and enjoys my company. I, on the other hand, am still uncertain about how I feel about her. I'm attracted to her. Sexually, that I'm sure of... But as a whole, I still don't know. As much as she makes me smile and laugh, she is also capable of (indirectly) making me feel insecure, which is rare for me because I'm completely full of myself. I believe it's because she's way older than me, and that she's more "experienced" (for lack of better word). Right now, I'm dealing with immense confusion about my feelings for her. I can't stop thinking about her, too. I want to talk to her about it all, but I don't know how. And to be honest, I'm also scared that I'll get shot down. I apologize if this was taxing to read... Anyhow, I would really appreciate some advice/insights.