I think I'm losing her... again.

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by purple_poet, Jun 10, 2015.

  1. purple_poet

    purple_poet New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 10, 2015
    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    Me and my girlfriend started out as best friends and took things to the next level nearly 2 years ago. She truly is my better half. She's drop dead gorgeous, an incredible artist, my best friend, my musical sole-mate, with a great sense of humor, bull headedness, determination, the brown eyes of an angel, with the mouth of a sailor... and my god, do I love her. We have our spats here and there, as all couples do but for the most part, our relationship is wonderful. However, her family is very conservative with strong Christian convictions(in other words, they're not exactly a fan of me dating their daughter). My girlfriend is very family oriented and due to her family's lack of support, it tends to put a serious strain in our relationship. About 8 months ago, she broke up with me because the pressure from her family became so much, they made her talk to pastor (not to their knowledge but also supports & speaks at LGBTQ+ churches) along with exorcising the outside her bedroom door. She had been through a lot... I was heartbroken but I understood. Eventually we both decided that they didn't matter and began to date in secret again, until they found out and it all blew back up. She's staying home for the next year in order to save up and move out the following year and since she is under their roof, she is also under their rules. I am blocked on all of her social media sites, my number is blocked from her phone as well. A friend of ours gave her his old phone that we Skype on in order to stay in touch, I call it the prison phone. Skyping has helped but lately, I feel the familiar pattern sitting in. She feels distant, she rarely texts or calls, when we do I'm frustrated because I feel ignored constantly besides when she feels like it. We've even had talks about breaking up a few times, she's made it clear no one comes before her family... I don't know what to do. I don't want to lose her again... but I also feel like I'm the only one fighting for us. Please help.

    Thank you for reading.
     
    #1
  2. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 4, 2013
    Messages:
    2,149
    Likes Received:
    963
    That is an awful situation indeed. When someone's been under that much control all her life, their reality is her reality. The fact that she broke out of that mold so many times to be with you is because she really wanted you.

    Right now she is in prison and you can't expect the same access or relationship from someone in that situation. Whatever you need from her to feel like she is still constantly in love with you is just another burden to her. If you can wait for her then try to rethink this whole thing and what you can do to support her. Make the time she gets to talk to you special. Channel your anxiety into extra work to make money to help her move out. This will not be easy on you and it may not work even after she is physically out of their reach. If I understand you correctly that pastor is on the side of lgbtq people? Get some counseling with the pastor, it may help.
     
    #2
    Gentry likes this.
  3. purple_poet

    purple_poet New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 10, 2015
    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    Thank you for the advice and taking the time to read my dilemma. Yes the pastor is pro-LGBTQ but sadly he switched from her church. And I think you're right, I should try to be more patient with her and enjoy the time I do have with her instead of dreading that there isn't more. Again, thank you.
     
    #3
  4. Eloise

    Eloise Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 26, 2013
    Messages:
    170
    Likes Received:
    168
    If noone comes before her family, she isn't going to be dating you any time soon. I understand you are crazy about her, but maybe it's time to start developing an interest in someone else. Being alone and thinking of her all the time doesn't help with the loneliness. You're young. Get out and have some fun. Maybe you'll meet someone who'll be a good distraction.
     
    #4
  5. misseyeris

    misseyeris New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 9, 2015
    Messages:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Unfortunately I have to say that I've lived through what your girlfriend is going through. Not to that extent but I did stay in the closest for a year after getting together with my first girlfriend in order to "make things easier" for my family. Now looking back at 30 I realize what a mistake that was. I extinguished my happiness for the sake of someone else s and that is not a part of growing and bettering yourself. Unfortunately no support, anger or frustration from you is going to change this situation. Living your life in secret is only going to be heart break for the both of you and your girlfriend has to figure that out HERSELF. Unfortunately that might take a very very long time and it might not ever happen either. Even after I did come out my family was not happy about it and my mother acted like that part of my life was non existent which hurt because all I wanted to do was share my happiness with people who love me. In the end I had to make the decision about what was best FOR ME and I think a part of growing is deciding which relationships in your life are positive and which ones are not. Some times you have to cut out the negative ones regardless if it's friends or family. My advice to you is to let her go because this process she is going through could take a long long time and it sounds like she is not ready yet to move forward and truly be herself. You need to do whats best for YOU!
     
    #5

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice