I think I love her

Discussion in 'Advice (Dear AE...)' started by Monika1968, Jun 19, 2015.

  1. Monika1968

    Monika1968 New Member

    Jun 19, 2015
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    Hi I am married to a man and have been for 18 years, we have 4 kids. 5 years ago when I started my new job , my coworker and I hit if off from the start and have been good friends these past 5 years. She is married as well with kids. We talk about our kids and our "husbands" and sometime flirt with each other from time to time. The flirting is great , and since we share an office for two people, I sometimes find myself wanting to close the office door, lock it kiss her and tell her how I feel about her. But since I am married to a man that acts like a child some days when he does not get his way especially when it comes to sex, plus dealing with his angry moods with me is getting very tiring. I want the passion that my husband cannot give me. I sometimes sit at home and think about my co-worker and wish I could be with her.
    My family as well as my husbands family are very conservative and I want to experience this love, this passion I have for my coworker what do I do?
  2. sundancer

    sundancer Well-Known Member

    Jul 4, 2013
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    Does your coworker like you more than a friend though?

    Sometimes even though we're in a relationship, we may have a slight 'crush' on others especially if the relationship isn't what it used to be. It could be the stuff we feel is missing or what that person used to be like and they fulfill that gap that we miss in our partners.
    greylin likes this.
  3. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

    Jul 4, 2013
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    Don't go into something else unless you can first deal with your own relationship. You and you husband have a pact to be monogamous and loving. What he is doing at home is not really loving to you and you and him need to work on it. Your kids need an example of how adults should love each other and if two adults cannot maintain a relationship they can be honest and amicable about it. This stuff at work is your escape and it is messing with your adult and parental sense, take a cold shower, you have the strength to have 4 kids in this super demanding modern working woman era you also have the strength to deal with it the right way, the way you can one day tell your adult kids about.
    Narley, aussie_gabby and Bluenote like this.
  4. Eloise

    Eloise Well-Known Member

    Jul 26, 2013
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    I'd better chime in here before Bluenote responds and tells you to close your office door and just bang her already.

    What do you do? Nothing, Why? Because you are both in relationships, marriages, with other people. It is extremely selfish to cheat on your spouse. If you are having problems with your husband, fix them. Being bisexual (and, I'm assuming you are) doesn't give you a license to cheat on your spouses. And, for goddess sake, stop flirting with your co-worker. She might not even be flirting with you. Its easy to think that because you are attracted to her she feels the same to you, but if you put a move on her and she doesn't feel the same, that's sexual harrassment. You could get fired. Do you really want to take the chance on losing your job? And, then your husband will find out and you might even lose your marriage. Is it worth all that just to take a chance on making out with your co-worker?

    Get your head out of the clouds. Come down to earth and realize you need to work on your marriage. There's a problem there that you should be asking what to do about. Start with why you think making out with another woman would solve your marriage problems.
    greylin, rac and Spygirl like this.
  5. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

    Jul 4, 2013
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    Hey now!!!

    For the record I tell people not to cheat and to stay away from coworkers! o_O
    Narley, greylin, Emm and 2 others like this.
  6. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

    Jul 2, 2013
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    I can corroborate this.

    As @Eloise said..you do NOTHING. You're married. You made a commitment to your husband for better or worse. If you're unhappy in the marriage do something to fix that first -- whether you go to counseling, divorce, etc. -- before you remotely consider beginning anything -- even a tryst -- with someone else. You also don't want to be the cause of the demise of your coworker's relationship either.

    That being said I'll echo @Bluenote. Don't cheat. And getting involved with someone at work is a surefire way to wreck your career.
    greylin, Bluenote and rac like this.
  7. lorienczhiu

    lorienczhiu Well-Known Member

    Jul 18, 2013
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    Why is "husbands" in quotation marks? Do you not actually have husbands? Do you not consider your married partner or hers legitimate? Are your husbands imaginary? Is her husband actually a hot lady in a tie (my favorite)?

    No but seriously. I agree with everyone else: you are married. She is married. The adult thing is to deal with that before you do anything else - whether that means ending your marriage or addressing the difficulties. If your partner is acting in a way that you don't like and that doesn't support you, it is massively unfair to run off (even just in your head) to another idealized partner and not do the work you promised to do in making a marriage work.

    And your coworker seems great now, because you see at her at work - her friendly, flirty best. But you don't love her; you want her, you fantasize about her, you idealize her. But that's not love, it's imagination and lust. Live in the real world, which is where your marriage, your un-quotation marked husband, and this crush actually are.
    chia, greylin and Bluenote like this.

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