I think I am in love

Discussion in 'Advice (Dear AE...)' started by Jerseybutterfly, Jun 27, 2020.

  1. Jerseybutterfly

    Jerseybutterfly New Member

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    I am married to a man. I have always appreciated both men and women so my attraction to specific women was never a surprise to me. I have only been in heterosexual relationships and I always felt like there was something missing. I never fully committed to one man. I was always searching for something deeper and cerebral.
    And then I met this one woman, and everything has changed. I have known about her for years but several months ago we began to connect. I have always had a "girl crush" on this woman, but as we became close friends, the energy between us is palpable. She takes my breath away. She is the single most beautiful person on this entire planet. In the brief time we have hung out, I have fallen in what I can now identify as true love. I'm crazy about her. She is kind and smart and we are on the same wave length. There is a "knowing" between us. I could literally spend the rest of my life with her. I don't notice anyone anymore, male or female. She's who I want.
    This woman knows I am married and at first she was not afraid to flirt. I think as our feelings intensified, she started to pull away. We never kissed, we never even touched, but the heat between us is undeniable. The other day she said she is taking a "step back". She never said it was because I am married. She did just get out of a relationship, so I'm not sure if that is the reason. But I am seriously confused.
    I told my husband last night that I love this woman and I want to be with her. I explained how I've never felt anything like this ever.
    Needless to say, she is taking her step back and is not reaching out to me.
    I am crushed. Like absolutely devastated. I really feel like she is my person.
    However, her taking a "step back" seems to me like a total guy thing to do. I've always thought women are fearless when following their hearts.
    Please help me. Is this what loving another woman is like? Is it truly this intense? How can I know if she felt what I did? How can I pursue this woman without seeming like a "crazy chick"?
     
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  2. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    To me, the energy of being around a man vs a woman is like tracing a finger on the back of your hand vs on your palm. I think it is very brave that you have come out about your feelings about this woman to your husband. I think aside from these feelings you have for your friend, this is the time to sort out your present relationship. It is an awakening for you and pretty much a devastation for him, no?

    About this woman you have fallen for. I know all the signs are there and the stars have aligned in your eyes, but, once she said she wanted to take a step back for any reason that means your feelings are going to be unrequited. I am sorry that had to hurt. A lot of straight women flirt, they do that because it is fun, sexy and safe, particularly with a married woman they presume is straight. Maybe she now thinks, oh no, I did not really mean that. Or maybe she got piqued and went, oh no, don’t want an affair with a married woman. Or a little of both. I can’t tell and the only thing I can tell is that she is stopping wherever this was going.

    I hope you find some help for both you and your husband at this time. You have a lot to sort out.
     
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  3. Jerseybutterfly

    Jerseybutterfly New Member

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    Thank you so much for your feedback. That is what I needed to hear. You’re right in so many ways. She texted me this morning, just to see how I’m doing. I’m not going to read into it though.
    Now that I recognize these feelings, however, I cannot deny them.
    Is loving a woman really this intense? Is this how it works?
     
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  4. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    Having an infatuation is intense, especially when it is very new and different from anything you’ve ever had. It is also different from a marriage that you have grown accustomed to. Most people see a significant relationship with someone as sort of a rebirth and a real beginning. You are still coming down from that high. Please take good care of you and your current partner to see where you should go from here.
     
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  5. Writer23

    Writer23 Well-Known Member

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    Love is love irrespective of rather you are with a man or woman. There is a saying that contends that it takes five years for lesbians to break up. In a heterosexual relationship, in most cases, the woman holds on long after the man has let go, made his way around the corner and down the street. This is not all but some. However, in some same-sex female relationships, there is often an inability to let go because of the high emotional nature of both; hence - the five year breakup. The falling in love in a same-sex female relationships can be intense like fire. However, the breakups can be just as intense and full of fire. Be it hate or love, the emotions are heighted. Please do not believe that dating is, somehow, better with women because that is a fallacy. Sexual orientation is based on attraction; conversely, the way in which we treat one another is based on character. Heterosexual and homosexual relationships face the same hardships.


    Before you leave your husband, make sure you are 100% sure that that is something that you want to do. Make sure you are not leaving, in some way, because you are simply tired of the mundane life that you share with him.

    Good Luck with everything

    Writer
     
    #5

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