I need some insights, please

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by Nelly, Jan 24, 2014.

  1. Nelly

    Nelly Active Member

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    Can you explain me the situation, please.
    You befriend a girl (no second thoughts), she knows you`re gay. She is supposedly straight (only bfs in past). As a part of friendly sharing you tell her that you hate those type of girls that lead you on just for attention but who can not give anything back as they are straight. She agrees. She is single, you are single. Great friendship. Someday you ask her out of curiosity if she is 100% straight, she says no one is 100% and that she has sex dreams about girls (but im the first and last person to know about it) but never been attracted to one in real life. Friendship goes on. Then she becomes more tactile with you, compliments all the time (you`re the most interesting person i know, that jacket looks sexy on you, you look stunning on that photo, you have so many ideas in your head).

    Okay

    One day she forgets a present for me she promised to give me a long time ago (from abroad trip) and says "i will come at your place tomorrow and bring it." Im "Okay". She comes quite late, around 10 pm, though I asked to come earlier, we spend the evening drinking, chatting, then it is suddenly to late for her to go home by metro. She stays over, sleeps in one bed with me, show me some of her private scars. Quite intimate. Nothing happens, she leaves. Afterwards I have a grudgy feeling that probably I didnt do something that we both sort of maybe wanted to do. Later she also apologies for being boring and not so great company. Hm?

    I get confused as I am starting getting mixed signals here. Next week its me who invites her over (see a movie). She says she probably will come but not sure what time she gets off her work. She didnt come. Didnt even say that she cant make it. Explanation was - I got drunk and got carried away. And girl barely drinks and quite sharp.

    Then I decide to clear the air and ask her - is it so that i am sensing mixed signals here and all, and that there might be more than friendship. She waits a long pause - than says - you know the answer - then some weird stuff about her being cold lately to everyone, its not me, its her - but she loves me like a sister. I see big contradictions here with her actions and words. Get the sense she might got scared or something with my straightforwardness. Got all upset and mad at the same time, but say - okay cool, glad we sorted out.

    I understand that I can no longer be friends with her as I sort of started to like her,so i get distant, and try to move on. But the drama is that she wont let me. She wants to be friends again, clearly denies that she meant nothing else but friendship all the time, that it is my wishful thinking. And adds up that on orientation question she answered she was straight, so whats the deal?

    i have lots of straight friends who dont give me that kind of mixed signals, and when somebody does it, you can tell it.

    So what do you think, latent maybe even closeted - or straight girl who doesnt feel the boundaries which better not cross if your friend is a gay girl?

    Thank you for feedback in advance, as am I really feeling badly for all this situation.
     
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  2. MizzLadyPants

    MizzLadyPants Well-Known Member

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    Go with your gut &distance yourself. I would bet if you let things go back to good friends the incident would repeat. This is exactly how those situations start. It sounds like what you truly want is to move on so don't let her suck you back in. You owe her nothing, so do what you know you need to do and cut ties.
     
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  3. rosie2

    rosie2 New Member

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    I'm in the exact same situation :cry: It's so hard... especially because I work with the girl I like so it's quite impossible to take a real distance. When she asks me to go for a drink after work I give in all the time and hurt myself over and over again... I'm so stupid
     
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  4. Nelly

    Nelly Active Member

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    Cut ties - which I did! But 6 months later she wrote me again - saying how much she is upset and wants to get our friendship back but at the same time denying everything and saying it all was my wishful thinking. i even sent her a freud link, lol! about displacement - she said the link seemed very negative to her
     
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  5. jinxie007

    jinxie007 Member

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    You mentioned that you "got a feeling" you both wanted to do more. Could you explain that feeling? Is it possible you may be reading too much into it? If not, it could be that she is curious and wants to explore that part of her sexuality given she doesn't think anyone is 100% straight.... In that case you would fit in perfectly as an experiment partner. You've called her out and she denied it so you just have to go with your gut on this. You could give her another chance, if you are still getting the same vibe, drop her.
     
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  6. Nelly

    Nelly Active Member

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    No, I am not doing it, I am determined. The whole point of this topic is to analyse the girl. She says that she was just being friendly, and never did anything for me to get the wrong idea. Also she says: yeah, its like all my gay men friends see that every guy is gay. And that it was misunderstanding. And she wants our pure friendship back.

    Okay, maybe I was seeing a bit too much in it. But you dont do these kind of things with your gay girl friend. It is not friendship, it is teasing. She also said that she considered that I might like her but wouldnt ever did anything to confuse me.
    But she did. And also when you feel that a person likes you (and you dont want that) you distance yourself or give a hint. Which she didnt. She did otherwise. You know what I mean?

    By feeling I meant - that it was her who came over (i didnt actually invite her) she just said - im coming
    second thing - i told her i was expecting her right after work, which is like 7-8pm.
    But she came at 10 (before that she was just sitting at home), so this makes me think that she did it on purpose - to stay the night.

    And the fact that she is deadly in denial, she wouldnt even admit that "okay maybe i did something that got you the wrong idea, i didnt mean that, sorry." yet she says that its all about me but she is still sorry that it all turned out like this and that she might upset me or let me down in some way
     
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