I need help

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by deja, Jan 31, 2015.

  1. deja

    deja Member

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    Dear AfterEllen
    I've never used this before but I really need advice, my girlfriend whose going to be 16 in about a week just recently came out to her mother. We've been dating for about 7 months now soon to be 8 but this isn't the first time her moms ever found out about her being gay. Before me and her got together she dated a girl named Kiki and her parents found out and her mom told her to break up with her and that she wasn't gay then she got with me and we wanted to tell her mom about 2 months into our relationship and her mom said break up so we pretended like we did but we didnt . I spend a lot of time at they're house and her family started noticing little things like the way we look at each other and talk to each other and we won't do anything without each other and they never said anything to her about us when I was there but if I left they would yell at her and tell her she wasn't gay. This happens a lot and sometimes they'll take her phone away and ground her and I'll be banned from theyre house then everything will die down and its ok again then it happens all over again one time we really did break up and she got with some guy and we were still doing things it was just secret because nobody wanted that but she broke up with him and we got back together and we've tried all kinds of things to make her mom believe we weren't together we tried makin a Kik and it was a picture of a guy from the internet but it was me who she was talking to and we flirted on there and she showed her mom but she eventually started saying things about us again and things went wrong. Well a few days ago I told them something very traumatic that happened to me and I told them everything I was going through and her mom said she would never take her away from me cause I needed her now more than ever and we thought everything was good but last night some guy that lives with them told her mom he saw us making out in the kitchen and she flipped out we didn't make out btw we never do that its gross to the both of us we only kiss but I was nowhere near her when she was in the kitchen because she was a little mad at me so I was giving her space but if we had told her mom he was lying she wouldn't have believed us anyways and its hard for us to really do anything so her mom told her to go to her room and she locked her in there for the night and took her phone away so I couldn't see her and my girlfriend told her mom she loved me and she wanted to be with me and she doesn't care what anybody says and her mom said she didn't know what love was and shed be over me in 6 months and she said love doesn't forget and shell never be over me so her mom had my dad pick me up this morning. I tried talking with her mom and everything and it just doesn't work she reads my messages and doesn't respond and I really need this girl she helps me through everything and I do believe she needs me to she hates her life and she goes through a lot and she feels she can't talk to anyone cause nobody will understand except me and I'm worried about what she will do without me. I need a way to see her and talk to her without her getting into trouble for it so what should I do?
     
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    Last edited: Jan 31, 2015
  2. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    First off, trust her to be okay. I think you have been very creative in trying to keep up contact during this time on the down low but look at where the plans have fallen apart, it was always falling apart because she wanted her mom's acceptance. So no plan about your relationship will do now because she is still growing up in her parent's house and it is dysfunctional in there. She is fighting for some very important rights to make some decisions and now it is between her and her parents. Find some resources for gay youth counseling, phone hot lines, etc. Get them ready, try them yourself and recommend them to her when you see her in class. Give her some time to work this out unless you are worried about her physical danger then tip social services anonymously (but doesn't sound like she is in that spot at all so think thrice before you do anything, if she gets taken away she maybe in a scarier situation than her parents). She will find a way to you if she needs to contact you urgently.
     
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  3. deja

    deja Member

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    What are some good hotlines and other resources I can try?
     
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  4. deja

    deja Member

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    What are some good hotlines and resources I should try?
     
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  5. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    It depends on your town and country. But perhaps try these people: http://www.glnh.org. They have a national hotline for the States. I have not used them and hopefully someone on here have used some hotlines and can make more experienced recommendations. Or use the yelp app or google to find your local lgbt center.
     
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