I need Advice - I'm confused

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by Liia, Feb 25, 2016.

  1. Liia

    Liia Member

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    Hey People

    I'm in deep need of advice from people that are more objective than some of my friends that aren't. So let me give you some insights to the problem. Six years ago after breaking up with an ex, I met a girl, let's call her B, B was your average straight bad girl. From the start we got in this weird "relationship/friendship", she used me alot, we used to make out and it got further in those 2 -3 years were I felt very manipulated. B was in a relationship with a guy, whom of course she cheated on with me and men. She also used to come back to me everytime I used to start moving on from her, saying she loved me. I don't know if she really did and was just afraid to come out, but she did tell her mom (on the day that I met her) that if she ever broke up with her boyfriend she'd marry me, that I was the only girl for her. So being friends our friendship was on and off as well as our relationship. So I don't believe her to be relationship material for me, but as a friend she was awesome.

    Life went on and we parted some time, I found a girl, let's call her C, and when C and I were together for 6 months B came back telling me she loved me, wanted to be with me and that I should break up with my girlfriend for her. So naturally I kicked B out of my life. But one year later I missed my friend and now me and B have been talking again, and she is in a relationship with a guy. She seems to like this guy and doesn't cheat on this one. But B keeps saying stuff that is getting me confused, telling me that she'd follow me to the end of the world and such... She seems flirty but I can't seem to tell. She also keeps talking about our past together. So... Yeah!

    I've never cheated and don't feel like cheating on my girlfriend, we've been to hell and back, for almost 3 years. I seem to get a bit unattached from my girlfriend, even though I still think I love her. But for a couple of weeks now B is confusing me and I don't know if I miss her or if I am assimilating B to the past me. I have no Idea what to do ? I've just been confused and can't seem to figure out how to get rid of my confusion.

    Thanks for your advices
    -L
     
    #1
  2. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

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    If a person is inclined to cheat, generally that person doesn't respect any relationship enough not to cheat again. And whether the cheating is physical, she's surely doing some emotional cheating with you on an emotional level. B doesn't respect your relationship either to put you in this confusing position.

    B will bring you nothing but heartache.
     
    #2
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  3. Liia

    Liia Member

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    Hey Spygirl
    Thank you for your message.
    I tend to think like you but seeing as all of my relationships had people that cheated on me, even C isn't a stranger to it. B is doing something but I don't know if she is toying with me or if I am thinking she is? And I wonder, if I am imagining it, why am I imagining it? You know? Not to make excuses for B but I'm not even sure she is aware of doing anything if she is toying around. But she is a great friend.
     
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  4. Frazier

    Frazier Well-Known Member

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    This will not end well.Spygirl is VERY right.B will bring you nothing but heartache.To me....and I may be wrong,B is getting the best of both worlds and you are falling right back into her web of uncertainity.Do the decent thing by your girlfriend and let things with "B" go..........after all,you have desribed her aptly "your average straight bad girl"......
     
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  5. Liia

    Liia Member

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    Hey Frazier
    Thank you for your reply. B used to be your average straight bad girl when she tried it on with me which was 6 years ago, a total of 3 years in total, but as a friend she isn't that person at all. I'm not going to break up our friendship again because B is a great friend, I just wouldn't be able to trust her if I ever were to have a relationship with her ( which is never going to happen, at least I don't believe it will). As a friend B is loyal, has your back 100 % etc. My problem is really that some texts get me confused, but only she would be able to tell me if its flirting or not. And seen as she is in a commited relationship and with time she has changed on that matter, I don't believe she is flirting. I just want to stop getting confused by her, not necessarily let B go.
    Does that kind of make sense?
     
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  6. TheScandinavian

    TheScandinavian Well-Known Member

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    You are cheating, if we're speaking about your emotions. Physically you're faithful and mentally you're as well but I feel like your heart is not completely given to your current girlfriend. In my country we have this saying: 1st love stays forever. Not sure if she's your first but she definitely got to you and broke your heart, took a part of it and kept it to herself. That's why you can't seem to move on from her. You'll always be attracted to her more or less. You'll wonder if she's really changed and wants to be with you the way she's supposed to be in an actual relationship etc...
    SHE, however, is cheating. Once a cheater always a cheater can be applied to her (despite that I generally believe that one can change). I really think that you should cut her off your life completely and try to live without her. You've got a beautiful girlfriend (and faithful, I presume) so why go back to someone who's not very "with you"? She may be afraid of her sexuality but even if you two get together, you'll be always thinking whether she's cheating on you or not and even if she's faithful, your jealousy will drive you apart and will break you up.

    In brief-forget about her. Stay friends is she is a good human being with an interesting mind (despite that her relationships are a mess). If that doesn't work for you, cut contact with her. It may seem a bit harsh but you need to figure your life too :)
     
    #6
  7. Liia

    Liia Member

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    Hi TheScandinavian
    Thanks for your advice. Hmm I don't believe that I have feelings for B anymore I am just confused about some of the talks that we have sometimes. They remind me of things she said from the past that were flirty. I've put B aside in the love departement, it wasn't a sane relationship.So I have no intention of being with B at all.
    My confusion about B isn't on a love level but I just can't understand my confusion that's all.
    And my girlfriend did cheat on me ...
    But thank you I hope I'll get to sort this weird confusion stuff out with B.
     
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