I may be too impatient

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by GreenFinger, Apr 22, 2014.

  1. GreenFinger

    GreenFinger Member

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    So i just moved to LA about 5 months ago. It's still taking me a while to settle in and get comfy with the people's mannerisms. coming from NYC and being a Sagittarius ( if that helps anyone gather where i'm coming from. Well I had finally worked up the courage to visit a Lesbian bar for my first time, where I at first stood awkwardly solo and pretended to be waiting for someone. before i decided to leave, a cute blond stallion woman (i'll call her "E") had decided to invade my comfort zone and made me engage with her. It was what struck me first about her. I love people who are direct and friendly. She flirted hard that night. She was drunk, and said a lot of things that made me blush. I figured she was also a Sagittarius. she was so cool in my eyes. i immediately wanted to be around her but i play it cool for the most part. after that night, we have exchanged texts that left me confused on what move i should go with each time.

    At times, she seems like she's totally dismissing that i'm even looking at here. she'll even turn away in mid conversation. I know these actions. it's hiding. She's hiding. she's mentioned being shy and still breaking away from not looking people in the eye. She also puts on this facade of being clear and happy with her disconnect, but i know for a fact, that anyone who texts me as much as she does, is thinking about me. She has kids, which she's brought me around. I'm so awkward with kids though. specially if i don't know much about their mom yet.

    I think she's super cute. physically and in personality. I'm hardly ever interested in people. most times, i'm super bored of people. But so far, she's been only fascinating. I feel like she sees that, like her, I can read deeper into people and past facades. she's read me and i told her how it spooked me. no one likes to be figured out fully. she even mentioned that she doesn't like being felt that way. yet, she still seems to want relationships to last.

    At first i was fooled by the fact that she never showed a reaction to me or anything i voiced from my heart. It made me sorta regret telling her i liked her so much. but then i realized we wouldn't get anywhere if both of us shrunk up into our wholes. i'd rather be the fool to leap. i'd give her time and space. but i can't help the urge of wanting to leave texts telling her that I want to hold her for an hour. i don't want to be creepy. well, i take it that she's not creeped out by me when i texted her about my getting her a gift. she even said she'd be around to pick it up later in the week. She's being so subtle it's really hard to speed things up.

    I'm sure she is waiting to see reveal everything so she can feel comfy to do so. i had to ask myself if i'd be ready to take on that role. This would be the first time i'd gone after anyone. i usually let things come to me. But i'd really like to get to know her more. I feel like i might just grab er and kiss er and be done with it. i'd get an answer then, right. I think i will.

    I guess my dilemma is not knowing what she wants and how to prove to her that i'm safe to be vulnerable around without totally being the impatient woman i am. ... i would just grab her so i could get my answer. grey areas piss me off so much. sigh... well, another few days, and i'll have my answer. I'll try and update. would it suck to get slapped? we'll find out on the next episode of "I Can't Even"
     
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  2. GreenFinger

    GreenFinger Member

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    She has expressed being sexually attracted to me and wanting to be more than friends. I wasn't totally ready to go in on something based only on sex. i wanted to get to know her before i went and did something blind. so now that we have bonded a bit, I'm thinking about her more in that way. as i expressed previously, She seems to be less connected when i try to bond. like she's afraid of being that close and vulnerable. i think i'm more willing to be vulnerable than she is and i know that i'd want to be more than friends but we both go at it in different ways. I need to bond before i make such a move. she can go purely off of sexual attraction. Am I in the right for thinking I should just go for it? her distance makes me think she has changed her mind about me a lil.

    I guess sense she's my first (I've only been with guys but i've dated women and never gotten far) she's the first i'm actually putting an effort into. I'm not as confident with how my approach is. i need confirmation i guess. that being grabby is wise. :(
     
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  3. TADinUS

    TADinUS Well-Known Member

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    Man or woman, sex is an important part of being in love. The release it does in the brain is part of that bond.

    Having sex with someone is also a way to figure out how they are with intimacy. When I first had sex with my wife, it was MAKING LOVE. That helped make our relationship serious. Anyone can go to a club, pick up a person and get laid that night. Then go home when done and not think twice about who you just had sex with.

    Sometimes just being SEXUAL with someone is far safer, emotionally.
    Back when I was single, I approached it this way: Meet interesting people, maybe have sex, maybe get a relationship form it... and from there, maybe become serious. If it nothing much comes from it, move on. Doesn't mean you have to de-friend anyone. The woman I gave my heart to, has meant and befriend those in my past relationship in the past 4-5 years. Because if it didn't work out, at least we were friends afterwards.

    LA is a different type of city. More plastic. And that is not all bad.
     
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