I love you...too soon?

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by howboutthemcowgirls, Nov 4, 2013.

  1. howboutthemcowgirls

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    I started seeing this girl about a month ago and it's been super intense (we're lesbians...duh). I feel like she's been very up front with me in that she doesn't play games and I know she's into me and she knows I'm into her and we're having a great time and seeing where it's going etc. But last week, we were out at a friend's party and we were both pretty drunk when we went home. I know it's really bad to do this drunk, but we started talking about where we are and what we're doing, and she said she wished we'd met at another time because she feels like I'm too young for her right now (I'm 26, she's 34). I get that because I get worried I'm too young for her too sometimes but I was still a little bit sad about it, because I'm really enjoying her and I don't feel like it's a big deal. She knew I was upset though and later that night she told me she wanted us to be girlfriends and she said she loved me. I said it back and we fell asleep, but the next morning it was a little awkward...I think we both knew it was too soon to say it (or I thought it was and I'm projecting...) and we've seen each other since and I feel like we're both nervous or holding back. At any rate, something is different and nobody's said I love you since.

    I can't tell if it's just me freaking out a little bit and everything's fine, or if we're just going to pretend it never happened or if I should bring it up and we can have this conversation sober? Is it needy to do this? I don't want to break up and I don't want to lose her. I think on the one hand, the mature thing to do is talk about it, but she's really super busy and stressed about work right now so maybe I should just wait and see what happens?

    Any advice??
     
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  2. Omglol

    Omglol Well-Known Member

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    hmm id say when u guys are set to meet each other again perhaps get her a little something... idk maybe if she's into flowers, or video games.. something small, something u know she may like or idk handmade maybe a funny card..with a note saying Our L word conversation was a little awkward but I adore you, something like that....? sober talk!

    also it's good that she's busy, keep urself busy too, being together 24 hrs 7 days a week is not exactly healthy, breathers are great for various reasons :) good luck!
     
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  3. Falk08

    Falk08 Well-Known Member

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    Yeah I agree with Omglol, if you're worried about her thinking your too immature bringing it up in a sober way and being an adult about it can show her that you two can work together. And I know this is easy to say as an outsider but you should never not communicate out of fear of losing someone, you deserve to be heard and understood and if this does work out long term it sets a precedent for communicating and both of you getting what you need out of the relationship.
     
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  4. Ooohwhatprettystars

    Ooohwhatprettystars Well-Known Member

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    I agree with both posts above! Never communicate with fear of losing someone. L word conversations are always awkward. Mine was just that.. and I didn't know how to approach the subject because she said it to me and I felt it was too soon. I just opened up to her and told her that for me, it was too soon for me to honestly be able to say it back, but I did tell her I cared for her and that I do have feelings. But I like things to move at a slower pace. I don't like to just throw the L word around. And its very good she's busy, trust me, being around each other 24/7 all the time will make you want to choke each other lol, no matter how in love you are. My other half works a lot, and so do I, and we have a puppy, so we are busy busy busy. It makes that down time really special though.
     
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  5. howboutthemcowgirls

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    Ah thanks for the replies everyone. So now she's broken up with me because she says we rushed into things (true) and need to focus on being friends, etc. So...word to the wise, do not ever get drunk and force these conversations! They only bring relationship death!!
     
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  6. Ooohwhatprettystars

    Ooohwhatprettystars Well-Known Member

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    Aww I'm sorry to hear about the split =/ But you are exactly right, they do bring bad things to a relationship.. I try to shy away from serious conversations when drinking lol. Good luck to you though and thanks for letting us know how things ended up!! I still have my walls up after 9 months of dating, and pretty much don't plan on bringing them down anytime soon.. because we have had way too many of those she gets drunk and starts trying to be serious talks, and its one of those things that puts a dent in the relationship.
     
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  7. rabbitheart

    rabbitheart Well-Known Member

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    I know this is going to sound blunt, but your drunken conversation probably saved you some heartache. The alcohol let you two bring up a touchy subject that you most likely would've ignored until months and months later when one of you cracked under the pressure of doubt. Like you said, it was something both of you worried about -- which means it was ALWAYS going to be an issue and probably would've continued to snowball. I know it sucks, but if you stay friends it may give you time to identify whether the age difference is an actual issue. If it's not, pick back up where you left off, without the heartache and emotional destruction.
     
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