I like her but there's this one thing...

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by u-45651833, Jan 18, 2016.

  1. u-45651833

    u-45651833 Member

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    So I met this girl a few months ago, we've gone out about or 7 or 8 times, it's pretty causal. She ended a serious relationship about a month before we started hanging out. I like her, I like spending time with her but the way she makes plans drives me crazy. I've been seriously out of the game for a while and I question everything. For example we had made plans a few days ago to meet up at 2pm yesterday, I text her at 1:30 to see if it still worked. She said she was busy with something and would text me soon. Cut to 5:30 she finally texts back that she's done but has another thing at 8:30. This kind of thing has happened a few times. I'm the kind of person who makes plans and sticks with them and she seems to just make it up as she goes through her day. Should I learn to be more flexible or is she being flaky?
     
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  2. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    Whatever her habits or going-throughs, cancelling several times day-of and not to mention hour-of only after you have reached out to confirm is plenty rude. Don't take that and any behavior that you are uncomfortable with.
     
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  3. lorienczhiu

    lorienczhiu Well-Known Member

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    This would be a definite dealbreaker for me - that is inconsiderate, unkind, and rude, and shows pretty clearly that she doesn't prioritize spending time with you enough to make sure her other plans don't trample all over it. There are non-jerky reasons for this, but the effect is the same: you are waiting around for her and she is not making sure to be there for you, and it kind of sucks.

    The question you have to ask yourself is: will you be fine with it if this behavior never goes away? Imagine yourself a month, a year, three years down the line. You end up in a relationship (exclusive or not, committed or not, casual or not) with this girl such that you are regularly making plans with her. She is regularly forgetting about, reshuffling, or not communicating changes to those plans. Is that okay with you? Are you making other plans, having back-up me-time, or are you frustrated and feeling neglected?

    Generally in relationships/dalliances/friendships/whatever, you can't assume that someone will fix themselves the way you want, and the crazy you see is often the crazy you get. So, will it be fine after the newness wears off?
     
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  4. Christy-lee

    Christy-lee New Member

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    You say your relationship is casual. Maybe her definition of casual is just to go with the flow and not to commit to anything. As you said she just got out of a serious relationship so I'm assuming that's why what your got going on is just casual. I dare say she wouldn't be ready to settle down right now hence the cancelling of plans (to her she could take it or leave it) and your friendship is just casual etc
    If your happy to hang out with her on her terms and your wanting to wait it out to see if you could end up in a relationship than stick it out. ( id think seriously about this decision though) If your not (and I strongly believe you will only get hurt by this situation) I'd back away really quickly and not look back. Only you know what type of person she is, is she worth having as a friend? If not than she wouldn't be a good girlfriend. I think cancelling on plans all the time is rude and it does show a part of her personality that isn't too nice. I hope all that makes sense. Good luck and remember you deserve the very best, not someone who only wants to hang out when she wants too.
     
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  5. RLrose

    RLrose Member

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    I'm going to be pretty blunt but...maybe you are a back up for her. She isn't putting you as a priority. Maybe there are other people in her life she would text back immediately or make plans with and stick with them. She probably doesn't want to commit to hanging out with you until she knows she has nothing else to do. I wouldn't say this is probably long term behavior, I am sure if you guys got serious she wouldn't flake (but I don't know her so who knows). But, perhaps it is simply she just isn't into you in a way to make you a priority. i would say find someone who is into you and will make you a priority. This probably isn't going anywhere.
     
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  6. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

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    This behavior is flat out inconsiderate and rude. Making plans to do something with you at 2pm and then making other plans and not even telling you about those other plans until after you text her to confirm is beyond inconsiderate and rude. If, for example, something had come up and she had not been able to stick with the plans she made with you, then don't you think it would've been appropriate for her to text you first and say...."I'm sorry but this thing came up and we have to reschedule?"

    She's making you do the pursuing and agreeing to plans that only revolve around her schedule. She's not respecting your time...and by these actions she's not respecting you. As one poster said, it's quite possible that you're just her back up plan.
     
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  7. Springflowers

    Springflowers Member

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    The greatest gift two people can give each other is time, in my opinion. So, why bother learning to be flexible for such a person.I like that you value time and you deserve to be with someone who respect you and your time.
     
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  8. u-45651833

    u-45651833 Member

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    Thanks, everyone, I really appreciate the real talk. She did apologize for flaking the other day, but then pulled something similar a few days later... Like you all said she seems like bad news and I'm breaking it off.
     
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  9. TheScandinavian

    TheScandinavian Well-Known Member

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    I'm also the type of person to make plans and usually I was pissed off when someone did that to me. However, I learnt to enjoy my alone time-read a good book, catch up with some friends etc... You two should meet in the middle-you be more flexible and her not be so flaky. A relationship is between 2 people so both of you should compromise :)
     
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