I like a coworker but I am in a relationship. HELP

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by Yd_12, Apr 20, 2016.

  1. Yd_12

    Yd_12 New Member

    Apr 20, 2016
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    Long story short, I'm a female who also likes girls but I am currently dating my boyfriend of over 1 year. He knows I like girls too. But At work theres a girl who has been helping around the office, who I seem to have been developed a little crush on. She's so pretty, helpful and understanding. We have some long eye contact. I get nervous when she gets near me. But inside me, I feel like I want to flirt with her and get to know her. She's always checking up on me making sure I don't need help with anything, she gets close to me and she also does this gazing thing at me. Like the other day I asked her for help on the computer, then someone else asked her help and she asked if I was okay on my own. I said "umm sure" and she rubbed my back with her hand, and she ended up staying to help me.
    Though unfortunately I don't know her very well, all she knows about me is my name pretty much lol.

    I feel bad for having these feelings but having her around really makes me enjoy my job and waking up early lol.
    Don't get me wrong, I love my boyfriend, but recently I have been feeling a bit bored, like when ever we go out to eat , he's always on his phone , and I'd be talking and I'd feel like I'm not being payed attention to. I feel like we have fell into a routine, like we've lost our spark. and well I doubt him sometimes because he has talked to girls while still dating me.

    And with this girl at work, I feel all jumpy and excited , making sure I look and smell nice for work. I feel interested in her... I really don't know what to do. Though I actually may not see her much anymore because she'll be at a different office and at mine as well here and there.

    I seriously want to ask her out for coffee or at least get her number first. I'm really shy also. This has never happened to me before, having a crush on someone while in a relationship.
    Hope someone can give me some good advice. Thanks.

    Side note: I actually miss dating girls. This is my 1st long term relationship with a guy. I had only dated girls before him.
    Last edited: Apr 20, 2016
  2. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

    Jul 2, 2013
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    1. You are in a relationship. That should be the end of it at this point. Either break up with your boyfriend for all the reasons you stated that the relationship is not working or try to make the relationship work for the both of you. Looking and smelling nice for someone other than your significant other in my mind starts to put you on that slippery slope of cheating...either emotional or physical. That you're with a guy and you're trying to impress a girl doesn't make the situation right. That you're miserable in a relationship doesn't give you the right to betray that relationship. Everything you've said seems to suggest that you're over this relationship, including the fact that you miss dating girls. Thus, the point is...don't pursue anyone else until you have this sorted.

    2. This is a coworker. In my mind dating a coworker is always a bad idea. And, from what you said it's impossible to tell if this coworker is remotely interested in you. It could be that she's just being nice and you're projecting what you want to see from the situation. Many times we see what we WANT to see in a situation, not the reality of it. Or, we bend a situation fit to our thoughts....which, if she knows nothing about you and you know nothing about her, asking her out might lead to a very awkward working relationship.

    Play it cool...but objectively speaking -- even if you decide to date a coworker, you need a lot more information first -- and asking someone you barely know on a random "date" might not be the way to go. Get to know her first as friends before you test the dating waters.
    rac and Bluenote like this.
  3. TheScandinavian

    TheScandinavian Well-Known Member

    Jan 15, 2016
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    I agree with @Spygirl -you're not single. You should either break up with him or ignore your feelings towards her.

    However, I am also sympathetic, in a sense and wonder if you actually have feelings for her (because she's obviously giving you attention) or if you're trying to bond with someone. From the post it seems like your boyfriend is not really "with you" (a.k.a-on his phone). he might not be cheating physically speaking , but mentally he's not very there with you and make you feel neglected.

    To get to know her-that's a good idea but make sure you don't cross a line. Become friends with her if you feel like sticking with your boyfriend.

    Dating a co-worker is usually a two-sided knife. It could either be good or bad, but usually ends up badly. However, if you want tot give it a shot, nobody on this Earth can really stop you from pursuing her.
    Spygirl and Bluenote like this.

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