I know that my parents will never be truly supportive.

Discussion in 'Coming Out' started by Aubry Call, Nov 7, 2019.

  1. Aubry Call

    Aubry Call New Member

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    I've only really recently figured myself out, and I do proudly identify as bisexual.
    Unfortunately I was raised in a pretty religious household, and was always taught that being gay was a sin.
    My older sister came out as a lesbian nearly a year ago, and lives wonderfully with her long time girlfriend. My parents didn't necessarily kick her out or berate her or anything horrible like that, but it's almost as if she doesn't exist?
    Out of my two older sisters, one is married to her husband and has two kids, and the other is with her girlfriend. They never talk about her to anyone, hardly mention her name, and whenever we talk about her within our family, they express how sad they are about her lifestyle and how they know that, one day, she'll abandon her lifestyle and 'get past this phase and move on'.
    I'm confident that if I came out to them, they wouldn't act too rashly, but I'm afraid that their blatant denial about who I am is just as bad.
    I don't want to live as another child they hardly talk about, and constantly wish would just be 'normal'.
    I just started pursing a major in Criminal Justice, but as of now, I still live at home. I actively avoid any LGBT content or conversation because I know my father will make fun of it and scoff and shake his head at it.
    Eventually I would like to come out to them, but I know that they'll always just be waiting for me to 'get over it and be normal'.
    My siblings are a little different. I've been trying to let them know that these things are okay, no matter what our parents say.
    I have one younger sister that I am very close with, but I haven't even told her about my sexuality. She is very supportive of the LGBT community, but I never feel ready to do it, even though I'm sure she'll be supportive.

    I don't know, I suppose I just really needed to get this fear out into the open ;-;

    TL;DR: Want to come out, but parents will be in denial and give me the whole 'its only a phase' speech. Still scared to come out to my younger sister who is supportive of LGBT community.
     
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  2. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    You poor thing! It is so hard to have to feel like you can’t talk about a part of yourself. I think your strategy is good though. You are in a way coming out in support of lgbtq rights and that is a clever way of letting off steam in a not affirming environment.

    I think you already know that you don’t want to have to deal with your parents finding out while under their roof. Your sister, on the other hand, you are not sure how well she would be able to not out you accidentally. I think that is the trickiest to assess. This is a slow moving problem and you just need an ally. Could you start with some friends, perhaps? A couple of people you know can affirm you? Maybe after that you get more of a beat of how your sister would react?
     
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  3. Writer23

    Writer23 Well-Known Member

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    As a very proud bisexual woman who grew up in a religious household, I understand your predicament very well. Know that you have a whole community of people who are with you. I hope you know that who you are is who God created you to be. Your sister is brave. However, you live in their home, so I can understand your apprehension. Prepare for the absolute worst reaction because no matter how they respond, you will have already prepared for the worst. Know that if they reject you, it is their lost. Sometimes the price to live authentically is high, but it is well worth it. Ask yourself this question: Is it better to hide who you are in order to be accepted or come out, with stand the push back, and live freely in peace? Only you know the answer and the true state of your predicament. Perhaps in time your family will come around. My mom did. Be still, stay strong, pray, and you will know when to tell them…They might already know or have an inkling.
     
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  4. Aubry Call

    Aubry Call New Member

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    I have a few old friends who are part of the LGBT community that I think I will talk to first. The situation with my parents isn't as bad as it could be, but it is still unfortunate, and I suppose I've already sort of prepared myself for the worst with them.
    I guess I'm mostly scared for my sisters reaction, whom I have been incredibly close with all my life. I know she is supportive of the LGBT community to an extent, but is still very religious herself and is hesitant with her support.
    I do really like the idea of talking it over with some friends first, and I think that will help me figure out a way to talk to my family about it in the future :)
     
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  5. Aubry Call

    Aubry Call New Member

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    It took a while for me to sort of accept myself and be totally confident in my identity, I know that I don't ever want to hide this part of myself because of the opinions of others. I do like to believe that in time my parents will come around, I just have to take my time talking about my sexuality with people that I know will be supportive, and hopefully get the confidence to one day tell my parents as well!
     
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