I have no idea what to do. SOS.

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by AlexaCleary, Jan 31, 2015.

  1. AlexaCleary

    AlexaCleary New Member

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    This could be the most convoluted story ever, because it is.
    I met the love of my life when I was 15 and she was 17.
    We're now 25 and 27, and we grew up together...endured everything together from high school to university and the transition into the real world.
    We graduated in 2012 and our life was on the horizon, we moved to a smaller town and began to chase our dreams.
    But it wasn't the start, we crashed, and six months ago she moved out.
    She left behind our life, our animals, and bailed.
    Our arguments usually surrounded around money, about her parents providing everything for her, and her helping me out to show appreciation.
    I became the bitch though.
    For the first two months post breakup, we didn't speak, much to my pleading.
    We then got together after she started using cocaine (behaviour not in align with her at all)....as her recently gained friends cracked with all their drug use and lies.
    We went back and forth between being together and not, Facebook and Instagram removals...her rejecting me every time she voiced she wanted me.
    We have recent decided to just be friends and move on, but this past week when we tried to hang out as friends, she reverted back into treating me like her girlfriend...I slept with her and spent the night.
    But the day after she slowly recoiled in her texts...
    I'm ready to move on...
    But she keeps telling me that she is in love with me, we are soul mates, she only sees herself marrying me, but she just can't RIGHT now.
    I think that's a cop out.,.if you know you know, so why make us endure all this bullshit.
    Is she the one? Should I wait...because she is asking me to.
     
    #1
  2. TreeFruit

    TreeFruit Member

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    You most definitely have to take care of your heart first. It wouldn't be totally soul compromising to give her the time and space she's asking for, if she's wanting to maybe do some lone thinking of her own, to figure herself out a bit. The fact that you started out so young leaves it easy for one to begin to feel suffocated or easily defined by the relationship. You should both do some independent soul searching. But remaining friends would be a great thing, to keep things clear you should probably set standards for your frienship, decide whether or not it would be an ok thing to sleep with one another on those occasions of temptation- can you both handle that without attaching meaning. Or if in your case you know exactly how you feel towards her, and what you want, state the facts to her as plainly as you can. You don't deserve to be jerked around solely on her terms & feelings of uncertainty. Open communication is key, don't be afraid to voice exactly what you want & feel.
     
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  3. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    She is finding her own footing and looking for her identity. There is no telling if she would ever commit to you. Even if she does you would have to make sure the new her is the one you want. If you are unsure about waiting for her then don't make any promises. Where she is now she needs to know that you are someone with clear boundaries, she will respect you more for being mature, calm and firm. I wonder if she is someone who has grown up with a lot of ambivalence.

    I am concerned about your personal safety. Crack, falling into a bad crowd, money needed for drugs, and then there's you alone in a rural place. Please be careful.
     
    #3
    Gentry, Tato, Nancy and 2 others like this.
  4. curieroy

    curieroy New Member

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    Hey everyone. I've been with my girlfriend for 6 months now and we live an ocean apart (literally...the Atlantic ocean). I've never been happier! Despite the fact that we can't be together right now (and have never physically met) do to school/college we're always planning our future together and remain hopeful. We send each other things and write for each other, guys. She's gonna come visit next June. We're both still young but I feel like this is it. What I'm feeling is unlike anything before, and it's usually hard for me to find people I can open up to and remain interested in, I've never been so interested. It's so genuine its surreal.
     
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  5. jellohead

    jellohead Well-Known Member

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    Give her space, encourage her to enter rehab with her parents help and don't assume that a real relationship is possible until she ditches the crack. And don't give up on her as a human being just yet!
     
    #5
  6. RagsOBrien

    RagsOBrien Member

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    I agree with what other posters have said. This girl needs space to figure out what she wants as do you. It will be hard of course after such a long time together but no contact for a while might be best so you can decide what the both of you need in the long run. That may be a break for good or you may decide that you are meant to be together. You will figure it out in time but in the mean time, I do not think it is a good idea whatsoever to sleep together when you are not actually in relationship. Best of luck!
     
    #6

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