I have no friends

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by lonerlez, Jun 15, 2015.

  1. lonerlez

    lonerlez New Member

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    I am attending an online college so I am at home all the time. I am very depressed and lonely. I have no friends or girlfriend. I have tried meetups.com but there are barely any groups in my area. I am 22 and so I feel like my options are limited for finding friends. I have no one to talk to and I don't know anyone. I feel like I am going to be alone for the rest of my life. I am having suicidal thoughts sometimes. Please help
     
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  2. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    Hi there, it looks like you are making an effort to meet people using meetups.com. I was going to suggest that. I certainly can understand where you are at because I don't make friends lightly and easily. I am better one on one and it has taken a lifetime to accumulate the people I really do want to talk to all the time. I find though, that someone I had eventually met that has become a really fast friend that when I had first met her, I had some preconceived notions about her and I never made an extra effort to talk to her. It was when we had both faced the same difficulty at a temporary work situation then we had to opportunity to really gel. We love hanging out whenever she gets in town, and both like the same foods. When we talk, it is a hoot, when we cry, it is felt deeply. You are very young, and while I just want to give you some hope on a future that is very possible, I wish so much you can realize that future soon, and much sooner than I had. I had very deep insecurities and fears around people and I wish I had not been so afraid. It is nice to like yourself and it is the first place to start.

    There is a penpal thread here, I hope you can make some connections there. As for those terrible thoughts, call an anonymous hotline and talk to someone. Take them seriously but don't let them take root. It is not who you are. You are a perfectly fine, normal person who needs to connect with others. Big hugs.
     
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  3. Eloise

    Eloise Well-Known Member

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    Is it possible to take some classes on campus? Also, do you work? Work and school at your age are the best places to make friends. Don't give up hope. What you're going through is only temporary. If you start planning now to do something that gets you out you'll start feeling better just thinking about it. You could always try taking a non-school related course in something that interests you. Dance, cooking, sports, art, whatever you like. You'll meet others with the same interests.

    Good luck and hang in there. You are important and you matter. You are just spending your time right now achieving a goal. That's important. Focus on what you are doing instead of what you aren't
     
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    Spygirl and greylin like this.
  4. anon62333

    anon62333 Member

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    Where are you? Let's hang out.
     
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  5. Emmarose

    Emmarose Active Member

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    From my experience suicidal thoughts have been linked to suffering depression and depression isolates us and makes socialising very difficult regarding connecting with people -...
    Do u fit a depressive illness ?
     
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  6. Pi3

    Pi3 Well-Known Member

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    hey, how are you doing :)?

    have you tried the local cafe? One you can have nice coffee, second you may find someone who is interesting and lastly the environment you are in can change you mood.

    I don't know if you have tried any volunteer work? It is nice way gets to know people, you may also enjoy and gain experience.
     
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  7. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

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    You are NOT alone here. That you posted this thread is ballsy and I give you all the credit in the world. If you are having depressive/suicidal thoughts which seem insurmountable, please seek help.

    I'd like to think that, at some point in our lives, most of us have been where you are finding yourself now. Insecure. Feeling alone. No friends. For me, that happened a little earlier than you -- mostly in high school. I had this terrible idea of myself that I eventually learned (mostly in retrospect) wasn't true at least from others' perspectives. I thought I was the bookworm...didn't go to many parties, didn't date or really hang out with anyone outside of school. Why? The only thing I can surmise is that I let insecurity get the best of me. And that's exactly what it did. Granted -- it took years to hear what people really thought of me wasn't what I thought of myself (at a reunion or running into friends well after graduation, but I didn't know that then). The point is: fear can be a great motivator -- either negatively, i.e. to let us withdraw into ourselves or positively, to make us take that first step into the unknown. .

    I say this with the caveat that I'm older than you -- so I've been where you are -- and come out on the flip side for the better.

    True friendships don't happen overnight. Try talking to people online first...or, take a course for fun. Join a sports league (if you're into that); take dance classes. Get a job. Whatever you do -- don't put any pressure on yourself or give a f*ck about what other people think. Don't let others define you. The minute you muster some courage and gather a little confidence in who you are, you'll find that talking to people is easy -- and from that you'll find friendships.
     
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    Last edited: Aug 25, 2015
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  8. CherryBonBerry

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    Hey LL Are you from the UK? xx
     
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  9. pikatan2

    pikatan2 Well-Known Member

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    if you're cool with talking to people online, you might made some good friend from the interweb :) I know it might be hard to make friend right now :D or its hard to connect with people but how about start with a small step :D if you want we can be friend and we can be international friend online :D xx
     
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