i feel bad and like a bad person

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by Anjali Noronha, Dec 30, 2018.

  1. Anjali Noronha

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    someone a friend and distant cousin told me she was in love with me. I dont return the feelings. I am in a relationship with someone whom i love to pieces. This friend tried to break my girlfriend and I up by telling me my girlfriend is manipulative and to break up with her. I called her out on her behavior but she denied ever making those comments. I told my friend that I didnt return her feelings but that i would always be her friend. She also tried to get my gf to talk badly about me. I feel like i led her on and that i should have seen this coming and guilty because I had to cut her out of my life.
     
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  2. lorienczhiu

    lorienczhiu Well-Known Member

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    Sometime situations are bad! This is one of them. Being in it does not make you a bad person.

    That's a thing that happens. A lot. Not a reason to feel bad.

    Yikes. You are not the one behaving badly.
    Also, "your girlfriend sucks, so date me instead!" is a crappy argument. Even if it were true, remember the part where you don't have feelings for her; that is the part she should be paying attention to.

    So, she is also lying to you when her strategy didn't work out! Again, you are not the one behaving badly.

    Aaaaand, final chorus of, not your bad behavior!

    Look, this woman has feelings for you, and she is hurting. She is all over the place trying to manipulate a situation where you fall into her arms, and she is doing some crappy things. Her behavior is why you cut her out of your life - because she was lying, badmouthing, and manipulating you! That is all on her.

    You did not lead her on by being her gay friend(/cousin?), in a relationship, who was nice to her, and does not have romantic feelings for her. Nothing you did caused this to happen, and there's nothing you should have done to prevent it. Sometimes people develop romantic feelings that are not returned, and it's not anyone's fault. It's just a thing that happens!

    These kinds of situations are uncomfortable and sad, but you don't need to feel guilt or like a bad person.
     
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    Spygirl likes this.
  3. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

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    I cannot say it any better than @lorienczhiu.

    Here's my take on it: I don't think any of her behavior is justifiable because she has feelings for you. Sorry-- it doesn't work that way.

    Someone who deliberately tries to hurt you by falsely telling you your girlfriend is manipulative so that you break up with her is not even your friend. Someone who is getting your g/f to talk badly about you, again, is not your friend. This is someone acting purely out of a selfish motive and doesn't seem to care about your feelings or what makes you happy. And, love IMO is caring about someone other than yourself.

    Do not feel any guilt. Keep toxic people out of your life.
     
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