I Feel bad about a "friendship" that has ended

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by Lou93, Dec 18, 2018.

  1. Lou93

    Lou93 New Member

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    Hey everyone ive never been on this website before but i just need aome advice. About 2 years ago I started a new job and met a fella there who seemed immediately infatuated with me. I wasnt sure if the dude was gay or just feminine but i kinda realized pretty quickly that he wasnt a manly guy. Now my philosophy has always been that, when befriending someone, one shouldn't discriminate against a person's sexuality, religion, race etc. So i let this guy be my friend and even hung out with him a couple of times. I am completely heterosexual and early after meeting this guy he implied that he wasnt gay so i thought we had cleared that up. But two years later turns out he did have feelings for me and just decided to lie cause he wanted to spend time with me. Do I have the right to be mad? And furthermore if people ask me what happened what do i say? I no longer speak to him but i do find myself feeling guilty. TBH he started annoying me pretty soon after meeting him as he acted very emotional and depressed. So I dont care that the friendship is over, but i just feel guilty cause i feel like ive said too much when people ask why i no longer speak to him. Ive never told anyone that he confessed it to me but ive just implied it. I know that his business and i should have seen this coming but i didnt want to dismiss a potential friend just cause he seemed gay. How should i feel about all this?:(
     
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  2. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    So I am guessing you are a heterosexual male?

    I think feelings are ok. It does not seem like you had that deep a connection with him and I think you are worrying too much what people would say simply because your light association with him. You don’t owe anyone any explanation. You don’t even owe him any explanation about not wanting to be friends. It is not unusual for people not being able to sustain a friendship if there is a mismatch of romantic interest.

    What I am picking up, and perhaps I am wrong is that perhaps you are a little disgusted with his romantic intentions and feel guilty about it? Even though you intended to be an open minded person you have feelings that do not feel so open minded?

    I encourage you to simply learn from this and examine where the guilt is from. Maybe try reading stories about people who are struggling with their sexuality and or sexual identity. I would not advice you to try to appease your guilt by making friends with him again or talking behind his back to prop up your right to feel that you should not be his friend. You don’t need any of that. You are writing here because you are basically a goodly fellow trying to understand this.
     
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  3. Lou93

    Lou93 New Member

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    Yeah. you're basically right about everything you said and i appreciate tye advice.
     
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  4. LatterDayLesbo

    LatterDayLesbo New Member

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    I personally don't think you should feel guilty. He lied to you. He deceived you for TWO years. That's not a true friendship. And it sounds like you don't even miss him. My impression is that you might have been his friend if you didn't find him annoying and he was on the up and up. It wasn't a good friend fit. I wouldn't worry about it. And if people ask you, say he lied to you for two years and you can't trust him. Hope that helps. Rest easy, and happy new year!
     
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