I don't want to screw it up

Discussion in 'Does She Like Me?' started by MJ519, Oct 21, 2016.

  1. MJ519

    MJ519 Member

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    Hey everyone,

    Sorry in advance for the length of this post. I'm a regular at a club. I met this girl a few years ago, and unless I was too stupid at the time to pick up on hints, I never thought I'd have a chance with her, especially because of our age difference. Well, I'm getting back into going all the time again (I moved for awhile, to be with my now ex gf). Although, it could have also been friendly banter, a month and a half ago, I'm pretty sure she hit on me (I was dancing with a friend and we bumped into her, so afterwards she came to me and said, "if you wanted to dance, you could have just asked"). The two times I saw her since didn't seem different from any other time. Well, last weekend a friend was having a fundraiser (at the club)..both of us attended it. When we said hello, it seemed like more of a firm hug and really prolonged. Then she sat next to me and we hung out together and talked until she left. Whenever she would get up to go somewhere, she would tap my knee/thigh and say, "I'm going to dance with so-and-so, or I'll be right back". We danced a few dances together. One of them I even said "last time I tried, I was terrible at it, but if you want we could try." So we did...and I still sucked at it. Haha. But she also didn't know how to do turns, so she said, "we should take a lesson". One of the other dances we danced, our bodies were really close. It's a close dance, but whenever I dance it with anyone else, we keep a space between us. The way we danced it, you probably would have thought we were together. Then, I went out to do a dance, but figured I'd look for a friend that was there to at least acknowledge him, but she was standing there already, and when I started passing her she grabbed my arm and spun me to dance by her.

    Sunday night, I requested her on Facebook and she accepted. Because I'm really shy and don't know what to do, I was hoping she'd then actually send a message or something, but she didn't. I thought maybe I should at least send "hi :)", but i didn't know about that.

    I'm always so clueless as to someone being into me, but I'm not crazy this time, right? There might be something there? She could have still hung out with her small crew instead of on the stage. And she especially could have danced with who she always dances with, instead of asking me if I know or want to dance all the dances. I know, at this point, it's kind of late, but should I message her something? Or just wait and HOPE she's there Tomorrow and see how it goes?

    My friend keeps telling me to message her, and I guess in my mind I know that's what I should do, but I'm terrible at this stuff. I'm not always so great at talking. Another even said I should ask if she'll be there tomorrow night, because she might think I'm not interested. I don't know though, it's almost been a week. Would that be fine? I know, I overthink WAY too much.

    Thanks in advance for reading this blabber.
     
    #1
  2. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    Likely, She is trying to coax you into hitting on her. She is letting you know she is interested in getting to know you better, but she wants you to make the moves.

    Message her and ask if she is going to the club this weekend. If she is, tell her you will look for her there. Then when you see her, ask her to dance and buy her a few drinks. Yes, really.
     
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  3. MJ519

    MJ519 Member

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    Thank you, Bluenote! You always seem to give the best advice. Okay, now to actually message her. Haha. If she is there though, I won't even need to look for her. We hang out in the same area. She'll be five feet away from me, at most.
     
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  4. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

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    *raises hand sheepishly*

    I read this and immediately thought...THIS WAS ME! Seriously...I could've been the definition of clueless when someone was hitting on me because I just couldn't wrap my head around the idea that I might be interesting or attractive enough for someone to actually like me. Damn those insecurities years back! And do I have stories as to these kinds of things and STILL didn't pick up on whether a girl was hitting on me.

    I don't believe I told this story before (although I've told several).....I met this girl and we seemed to like each other. Went on a date and all seemed to go well....some could say I was being respectful, but in reality I was incredibly shy. Anyway, I invited her to my house to hang out/watch movies....and we sat on the sofa and watched movies....and that was it. 3 feet from each other felt like the Grand Canyon between us....in reality, I was way too chickenshit to make a move on her because I wasn't sure if she liked me...and in reality she was way too shy as well and thought I didn't like her. We sat there and watched tv until like 4am...seriously...and nothing. It turns out she drove home that night in tears because she thought I didn't like her....GAH. That's not the message I wanted to send....and had no idea that's what I'd conveyed, all because I had this pit in my stomach...do I lean in? do I kiss her? do I make a move? do I wait for her to make a move?

    Things did get better after we talked....I had no idea she was waiting for me to make a move, and she had no idea that I was so painfully shy and trying to gauge whether she actually liked me.....

    That turned into a 2 1/2 year relationship....

    Chin up...she's finding you, she's being touchy feely with you unlike other people..I agree with @Bluenote ....maybe she's trying to gauge if you like her and wanting you to make the first move. You have nothing to lose by messaging her and much to gain.

    Good luck!
     
    #4
    Last edited: Oct 22, 2016
  5. MJ519

    MJ519 Member

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    That story sounded exactly like the beginning of my last relationship. Only I kept telling myself I have to kiss her at least when I leave..and I did. She told me afterwards, if I didn't kiss her that night that she was giving up on me.

    So, I did it! I messaged her! She won't be there though.
     
    #5
  6. mariannek2u

    mariannek2u Well-Known Member

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    Lol i love reading these comments!
    I would send a message back (if i like her) saying that its too bad ahe isnt there and maybe you"ll see her an other time/soon.
     
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  7. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    It's a good step. You can message back a simple 'ok, see you at the club sometime,' or just leave it be for a bit. Then next time you see her at the club, go talk to her. Read her signals - if she is touchy, be touchy back, etc...
     
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  8. MJ519

    MJ519 Member

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    Yeah, I already messaged back, making a joke about the reason she's not going and telling her to have fun.
     
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  9. mariannek2u

    mariannek2u Well-Known Member

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    Did she send something back?
     
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  10. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

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    Oh I have many other stories where I was the definition of dense....Thankfully I can laugh at myself. Sometimes though I wish I could time warp back and be like the Obi Wan Kenobi to my younger self ;)
     
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  11. mariannek2u

    mariannek2u Well-Known Member

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    @Spygirl i think everybody has gpt stories on their younger self...i know i have tons
     
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  12. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

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    Especially the....WHAT WAS I THINKING????!!!! stories :)

    That's not to say I still don't have those either :)
     
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  13. mariannek2u

    mariannek2u Well-Known Member

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    Or the WAS I BLIND!!! which goes in the positive and negativ way :))

    I'm still a dork but i somehow got this amazing woman to marry me ;) which was someone i met years ago during pride week and for a long time didn't know if she liked me (and when i mean long i mean years) but i was totally into her. But after years of being friends and several relationships on both sides we fell madly in love. And thats that... ;) so i had years of experience of doing stupid stuff ;)
     
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  14. MJ519

    MJ519 Member

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    She said "haha! Thanks!!"
     
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  15. mariannek2u

    mariannek2u Well-Known Member

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    Lol!
     
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  16. littlenikki15

    littlenikki15 Well-Known Member

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    My god you girls, I'm going through something similar to this right now too lol I'm so awkward and shy and a girl I work with blew up my phone one night and confessed her love to me and I made a few comments back but didn't ever say anything about being interested too because she was drunk and it blows my mind to think someone that looks like her would be interested in me (I get a lot of shit for saying that lol). Now I'm worried that she thinks I don't like her. *facepalm* she's in school full time and not working now, therefore we never see each other *double facepalm*

    Why can't we all be super confident and assertive????? lol
     
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  17. mariannek2u

    mariannek2u Well-Known Member

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  18. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

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    @littlenikki15 ...I'm putting on my brave pants here....because it's easier to be brave when I'm NOT the one in the situation ;)

    Do you have friends in common? Do you regularly hang out with the same group of people? Would it be a one-off if you found yourself in the same bar/club/coffee shop? Could you text her and say....a group of us are going....[insert place name here]....wanna join us?

    I'd say keep it low pressure, which is why I'm thinking an outing where it's not one on one so as to avoid awkwardness...see how she acts. Is she flirty? Once you establish you can go out in groups, then it won't be so weird to maybe ask her out one-on-one....and then take it from there.
     
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  19. mariannek2u

    mariannek2u Well-Known Member

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    I agree with @Spygirl on this one. Keep it low pressure and maybe when you get a chance to talk to her one on one, ask her about the confessions ;). But only if you feel like its the right moment.
    And there is nothing wrong with being different or shy ;) being normal can be overrated ;)
     
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  20. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    I wish I could time warp back to my 3-day younger self sometimes. :O
     
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