I don't feel comfortable with my friend

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by bluesclues, Jun 2, 2014.

  1. bluesclues

    bluesclues Member

    Jun 2, 2014
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    So, I met this friend in highschool. She's somewhat a loner, so my bestfriend and I decided to ask her to join our lunch table and we then became friends. We're all butches by the way. We don't spend much time together in hs, because I belong to another circle of friends. After highschool, we became close. I started seeing the redflags. We're only 4 in the group and we have this tradition to spend a week of summer in their rest house. Well, I thought it was freaky that she wanted us to share bath, I said no, and then she started ignoring me and spoiled the vacation.

    I noticed that she's also too invested with my personal life, especially my dating status, she'd call almost everyday to ask about it, and whenever I'm going out with a girl she sticks his nose to it, she calls her, add her up and the creepy part is I didn't even give her their number. One time I even discovered photos and contact numbers and emails of this certain girl I was dating in a folder on her laptop. She also videos and pictures me and my girl in secret.

    Sometimes, I take off my shirt and hang in her room with just my sports bra. Which was not really a big deal, until I found out through my sister (they have the same class) that she showed them a picture of me with just wearing a bra. And when I don't do what she ask of me, she threatens me, jokingly, that she will show something. I don't even know how much picture she has of me.

    I also feel weird when she tries to show me sexy videos, especially "yuri" that she is so addicted to. I'm not innocent or against it, but I don't want her shoving it to my face. She's a virgin btw and never had a girlfriend. Which is why I really get weird out when she touch me furtively. I deliberately act annoyed and shove her away, but she'll just do it again and act innocent. I have a lot of butch friends and I never found their hand even near my chest or pelvic area.

    She has a habit of calling me just to share again and again (over an hour repeat) how this girl asked her direction or time or what not (she wants me to say "maybe she likes you") and the creepy part: she discreetly take photos of the girl. She even waits for this certain girl after her dismissal for 9++hours, just to have a glimpse of her.

    When college started and we all went away, but I stayed the closest to her since we live near each other. I've had a down low and guess what? she was video taping that moment I was breaking down. Like what the hell with she do with that?

    Just recently I transferred to her campus, because my sister studies there. Last semester I was a loner and I asked her to hangout since I don't know anyone yet but she wouldn't answer me and when we did (with my sister and her friends) she'd exclude me. Like shoving to my face how she has friends and I don't. Which I find funny because my sister and her friends don't like her but just deal with it.

    I adjusted to the campus and found really great friends, and became busy. She was calling me and I deliberately miss her calls because I'm sick of it. Plus I don't even talk to girls that much on the phone, bro. I don't want to make a big deal out of this until I saw her update "You call us friends? when you're nowhere to be found? You leech! Fuck you" I know she was bashing me because she stopped calling. Plus we're only four in the group, and the other 2 are away. And I'm her favorite to call because I'm always around and the only one who's willing to listen to her repeating stories. She is acting disturbing and I don't think what she wants is a friend but a servant. I feel like I have to ditch her starting now. But I don't want to be the bad guy. She doesn't have many friends and I fear that she might lose it.
  2. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

    Jul 4, 2013
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    Hi, your friend, for a lack of a better term is quite socially awkward and appears to have never learned about boundaries. I know why you would feel scared she might be up to something by cutting her off but unless you have a way of letting her down easy it maybe good to be out of sight out of mind. I don't think engaging her further and making excuses not to see her and dropping her again would it any better.

    If you are in a situation where you are hanging with her again, and I hope you don't ever have to, I would be very consistently broken record about your boundaries. For instance, if she touches you inappropriately, look at her hand and tell her to remove it. Move her hand away repeating the same mantra until you can get her to do it herself. If she points her phone at you, show her the pic she took of you and say she is out of line.

    If she is stalking you, and you trust your school to help stop it then maybe you can talk to someone there. Sometimes it escalates things while the school officials don't do anything meaningful. Sometimes you can make an appointment to see a counselor and see if he/she can help evaluate the situation and see if you are in a risky situation or not.
  3. TADinUS

    TADinUS Well-Known Member

    Jan 25, 2014
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    Not sure how you are referring to this person as your "friend". Stalking and doing the things she is doing is not what a friend does. If you consider her a friend you are trying to help, you got some work cut out.

    Give her a name. Like "S-Girl" which I will shall do below.
    I'm not going to go point by point as this girl's has lots issues, but in general... yeah, she is socially awkward and could make use of some counselling.

    For those who DON'T KNOW, YURI = Japanese Animation or comics (Anime) that is Specifically lesbian genre. Just as there are kiddie (pokemon) Anime, gay anime, giant-robot anime, romance, food, golf, etc. Now, not all yuri anime is pornographic. Same for gay-boy animation.

    S-Girl is an anime-geek fan. Now, there is one thing to be DEEP into Japanese cartoons, its another to think that is how the REAL WORLD works. Think of the stereo-type Star Trekie "geek", but worse. S-Girl, with such limited social skills and support from parents, has latched onto a stereo-type stalker character that is usually comic relief.

    Yep, in various types of anime (Gay / robot / etc) is a character that takes photos of anything about a subject... behind bushes, waiting hours. Sometimes they are friends, many times too shy to talk to their subjects. S-Girl may or may not actually by obsessed like a true stalker, but is acting the part. Either way, its big time creeper factor.

    Tell her that what she does IS NOT RIGHT IN THE REAL WORLD. We don't live in a cartoon. Most "relationship anime" are by geeks who have little to no relationship experience. Real-world action would be YOU filing for a restraining order (or something similar) and or stalking charges against her. That will find her in JAIL.

    If you don't WANT her as your friend, wipe and block her phone number, facebook, etc. Make it clear to others that she is NOT your friend.

    S-Girl does need help. Guessing you guys are 19~20 yrs old. She needs to learn to be human and get laid. Or find other anime geeks who are into her fantasy. Trust me, if you can think it - someone has done it. Some people fantasize about being a victim and have things done to them. I used to know a 19yr old who had rape fantasies, I told her to STOP giving her personal info out to strangers... cause it could come true, and it won't be a fun fantasy (she stopped). As she gets older, she'll get more crazy if her problems are not sorted out. Someone is going to beat he crap out of her too, if not someone she creeps out, then in jail.

    PS: you may and should tell her parents what she is doing. She needs help, more than you can handle.
    Do not back down. Tell her how it is, she is not living in reality and the police will be involved.

    Good luck.

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