I broke the cardinal rule… Never fall for a straight girl. But here I am about 3 months in and I have never been more confused, yet somewhat happy but also kind of sad at the same time. Brief background info, both of us attend the same university. I am 21 about to be 22, while she just turned 21. It all started in early March. I accidentally got drunk at my school’s networking dinner (which I snuck into and literally drank all the wine). Now when I’m drunk I feel the need to say whatever is on my mind. So there I am, sitting at a table with my friends and few acquaintances and I decide it is an appropriate time to say that “i want to put my lips on your lips” to the girl I like in front of everyone. Here’s the thing though, at the time I had a girlfriend (who actually that night broke up with me… It was okay though, it was inevitable. She was moving to Thailand for a year). Anyways that night somewhat kicked off everything. So the next day I arrive at school and everyone was asking if I was alright and how was my hangover. I got shown videos of myself talking about how much I wanted to kiss the girl I like (we’ll call her Caroline) and needless to say I was super embarrassed. Anyways, Caroline then asks if I can keep her company while she works on an assignment that is due later that day. So we are sitting together and she asks if I remember what I said. I tell her yes and that I’m sorry it was super inappropriate of me and I’m embarrassed. She tells me not to be and that she found it cute. A week later it is my school’s semi formal. I did not want to attend but my friends and Caroline bought my ticket and surprised me. One of my friends (we’ll call her Katie) kept telling me that Caroline was talking about wanting kissing me at semi. This of course made me happy but at the same time a litter weary as Caroline has a boyfriend. Anyways, the day of semi arrives and Katie and Caroline pick me up from my house. There standing outside the car is Caroline looking cute as ever and she has a single blue rose for me. We arrive and are the last ones to show up as dinner is being served. I am already a little tipsy as is Caroline. We eat, drink some and then music comes on to dance. I beg Caroline to dance but she doesn't want to at the moment so I go anyways. A few songs later she asks me to take a walk with her and I do. We go outside and drink a little bit more. We are super close together, touching. Then a few of our friends come out and we separate and walk towards them. We are standing there talking to them and Caroline puts her arm around me and I do the same to her. We then head inside and I’m now walking with Katie and our mutual friend Lindsay. Lindsay asks me if Caroline and I are now dating (because she was at the networking dinner) and I say no. We head back into the dance and I sit with Caroline while the others go back to dancing. We are playing with the centre piece and it ends up cutting my finger pretty bad. It wouldn't stop bleeding so we go to the washroom, where she proceeds to get some paper towel and puts a little pressure onto it for me. We stand there in silence, but once again our bodies completely against each other. I look up at her and say “I really want to kiss you right now” and she replies with “why?” and I just tell her that she knows why. We then kiss… and kiss again and then a few more times after that. We head back into the dance and everyone is starting to leave for the bar and grab our stuff and go. On our to the bar she is sitting in the passenger seat while I am in the back. She reaches back so we are holding hands. We get to the bar and we sit in the booth beside each other we are holding hands under the table as we sit across from our friend Katie. We stay for a bit but then decide to head home because its about 1:30am. For some odd reason Katie misses my street and we end up driving Caroline home first. We arrive at her house and we get out of the car to hug and say goodbye. She hugs Katie first and then when she comes over to be she takes my head and leads me to the side of her house where she then kisses me and we say goodbye. The next week, on the tuesday I stay at school late with her. We are just talking and goofing around with each other. The school closes and we head to take the bus together. As we are waiting at the stop she then tells me that her and her boyfriend just broke up… that day. I asked why she didn't say anything and that I’m sorry to hear that. She says that she was suppose to meet him a few hours ago but she doesn't care and that being with me makes her happy. The following week, I go to school on my day off so I can drop off notes to her from a class that I already took and what she is currently in. Our friend Katie is there and she decides to take a nap on the couches. So we leave her and go from a walk around school. She asks if I ever seen the all-gender bathroom and I tell her no. She takes me down a more secluded hallway to where it is. She then keeps pressing the button that opens up the door and I playfully tease that she better stop. She does it again and then I pin her hands against the wall and our bodies our touching. She teases me that I’m too chicken to try anything and I tell her she is right. She then bugs me some more saying that I won’t actually kiss her. So I tell her to shut up and that I’m going to right now. So I kiss her. So we head back to our friend and act like nothing happened. We all the decided to get coffee. After we are done. I go to catch my bus and Caroline says she’ll come with me, while Katie gets the car to take her home. As we get to the bus stop Caroline grabs my face and kisses me and tells me that she's not a chicken to just do it. The next few weeks are all the same. We flirt, we get asked if we are dating daily, we do to dinner with Katie and we hold hands under the table and sometimes she likes to move my hand so it goes up her thigh, and we kiss… a lot. We went to a strip club one night with Katie and Caroline just looks at me and says come to the washroom with me. So I do and we get there and start passionately making out. We then move to this private shower area and we start touching each other all over and I leave with a hickey. We leave the strip club and head back to my house where Caroline’s mom is picking her and Katie up. I sit on the curb and she tells Katie to go for a walk. She then proceeds to sit in my lap and we make out some more. We then loose Katie and I go to find her. Once again we get back to my house and we start kissing some more until her mom comes and then we say goodbye. Then one night Katie invites us up to her place to have a fire and drink. We get there and her parents have some people over. I end up getting so drunk that I don’t remember half the things I apparently said. Anyways, I apparently tell one of Katie’s parents friend that I like Caroline a lot and I want to be with her. Later that night as we were getting ready for bed the friend tells Caroline this… We all laugh and its whatever because we are super drunk. Caroline and I get the couches in the basement. Once Katie goes to bed I tell her to come and join me on my couch. She does and we proceed to make out. After a while I ask if I can go down on her and consents so that happens. We then cuddle until its 9am and she says we should probably try to sleep. She goes back to her couch and we fall asleep holding hands. The following weekend Katie has a party at her place and invites her old high school friends up, along with Caroline and I. The whole night Caroline is flirting with this guy name Jake and I’m getting semi pissed off… even though I really have no right to be. Anyways we don't talk all night. Katie’s high school friends leave and once they do Caroline starts to be all touchy with me but I keep giving her the cold shoulder. I finally cave in and we go to bed together. We get unchanged and lay down and start making out. I then proceed to f*ck (are we allowed to swear on here?) her and we spend the rest of the night talking and cuddling. She tells me about this guy Nick she always hangs out with and I ask if she wants to date him and she says no, so that also puts me at ease a bit. We then fall asleep and when we finally wake up we realize that i have horribly noticeable hickies all on my neck. She covers them up with make up and then gives me her sweater to wear so that Katie won’t find out. Okay, lastly, Caroline gets very jealous of literally everything. So this one time we were having coffee together and I needed to charge my phone so it wouldn't die on me on my way home. The plug was closer to her so my phone just sat beside her. After a little while I asked her to check the percent for me and she did. I then notice I have a lot of messages so I ask who they are from and she tells me my sister, my best friend and Lindsay (the girl who asked if Caroline and I were dating). Anyways Caroline then says to me “I think Lindsay likes you” to which I reply with “yeah she does she asked me out but I turned her down”. Anyways Caroline was super annoyed with this and apparently texted Katie right away asking if she knew. Anyways, sorry for this novel. It’s just I don’t know what to do. We both get upset when the other is talking to other people or flirting. Expect I don’t do that and she is constantly flirting with other boys. Every time I ask her what we are and if we can get on the same page she refuses to answer me. So does she like me? Is she scared? Is she just using me because she loves attention? I don’t know what to do here… Help!