I am so lost

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by Robin, Oct 7, 2013.

  1. Robin

    Robin Member

    Sep 21, 2013
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    Over a year ago I was at an Anime Convention, and I got really drunk and went back to my hotel room, I didn't have a key and no one was inside so I sat down on the floor and waited for someone to come by and let me in, apparently I fell asleep in the hallway and my friends had to carry me inside. My friends left and this guy named Lee stayed. I was incredibly drunk and I decided to see what it was like to kiss a man. So we started making out I took my bra and shirt off, but that was as far as I wanted it to go. He wanted it to go farther and even though I told him to stop countless times he forced his hands into my pants and started do dry grind against my leg. I pushed him off of me and put my clothes back on and left the room.

    The next morning I told some of my friends, but I left out the part where I took off my shirt and bra, saying I didn't remember what happened because I thought no one would believe me if I told them. At first they were really supportive, and most of them remained so, but those where my friends who don't live in the same city as me so I rarely ever see them or get to talk to them about it. My friends who do live in Houston with me, I know the majority of them believe me, but that doesn't stop them from inviting him to parties or allowing him to come when someone asks.

    I have a rather large group of friends, and there are people who I don't even know who claim that I am a liar. I know I lied about the shirt part and I know I shouldn't of. It's gotten to the point where I wish I never would've said anything. My best friend gets mad at me when I try to talk about it with people who hang out with him. I decided a few months ago to tell my friends that if they are friends with him on facebook I will remove them off of my friends list and if I see him at a party I won't ever talk to any of them ever again because I need him out of my life. Not even my best friend removed him. I don't know what to do anymore. I am so lost. I really just need someone to talk to who won't blame me for starting drama.
  2. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

    Jul 4, 2013
    Likes Received:
    All you said and had to say was "No".

    You didn't "cause" any drama. You had violence done to you.

    All you had to say was "No" once. If there was doubt that he heard you, you said it loud enough again for him to hear. If the guy did not get up to take a cold shower and leave you alone then he is an effing rapist.

    Your friends do not understand that. You didn't lie about the circumstance, you didn't want to talk about it. It is in your every right to be selective about the story of the attack. All they need to know is that you said no and he kept going. It really doesn't even matter if you were naked and had been twerking him all day before. You did not agree with it, there was no consent.

    You are right to leave the friends who do not support you on this. You need a new group of friends. Call a rape hotline and go to a support group. You can get past this and move on and be happy and that is the best thing to do. Leave facebook all together or do just a really tight private group with no visibility from the outside. Because these people, and they know not what they do, will keep attacking you for a need to explain to themselves that you are safe from this type of attack if you had only acted such and such a way. Your best friends are not behaving like your best friends. You need a different social circle. Be strong, get help. You have the options of legal action, but you will need a lot of support on that and good legal advice. Do find a rl support system first.

    Hugs, and sending good thoughts in your healing. Good job fighting that a$$wipe off.
  3. North

    North Member

    Oct 7, 2013
    Likes Received:

    You didn't cause this. Its typical of victims to blame themselves. Though about going to a youth councillor and talk about it? Taking to a stranger sometimes helps.

    I have no explanation to why your friends are acting like they are, but its important that you talk to someone who will listen. It'll help you get through it.

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