I am not enthusiastic enough

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by Nimmie, May 30, 2014.

  1. Nimmie

    Nimmie Member

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    Hi guys,

    So I''ve been together with my GF (long distance) for almost a year now. We've had our fair share of fights, but lately it's got a bit worse and I feel really crappy being with her.

    She is complaining a lot about me not being enthusiastic about anything good that happens in her life and she's constantly making me feel worthless and that I should always do more and more to make her happy. She has a friend she talks to on the Internet and she's apparently more enthusiastic than me even though she has work and studying too...

    Of course I am excited about stuff but I can't be what she wants me to when she wants it...and the conclusion is that I don't care.

    I have treated her with nothing but respect and care, made her gifts and so on.

    We plan to move together at the end of summer and I have been really looking forward to it but I'm just not sure now...she makes me feel really bad (I struggle with self-mutilation and that resurfaces when I feel like I suck so badly) and she's certainly not helping me feel good...nor am I apparently

    Maybe we're just too different....I do love her but I don't think this is how your partner should make you feel

    Some advice, please?
    Thanks
     
    #1
  2. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    Hey Nimmie,

    If I were foolish enough to compare my gf with another woman, I would have the verbal lashing from my gf equivalent to having my ass handed back to me. It is because she can hold her own even at times when me or others can be stupid or insensitive. I hope you can figure out your boundaries and enforce them diligently. You gotta watch out for you and you will learn hopefully how much strength you need to put into it to get the results you want. I know people who can dispense of rudeness with a simple look. I can't do that myself without cracking up.

    Please don't turn things inward, use all that energy to push outward into the relationship that you want. It might not turn out to be the relationship that you want and you can make decisions then. Sometimes people are attracted to each other but not necessarily the work they do. Sometimes people go home to their partners and vent about work but won't get the same interest or empathy from their partners as much as people in their work or field. It happens all the time. You can tell her it is rude to compare you with others but you have done your best to listen to her.

    It is good that you recognize that moving in with a person who is already making you feel crappy maybe a bad idea. i know resolving relationship problems long distance can be a problem but if you are already feeling crappy all the time then your relationship either need to mature or dissolve. Partners need to be nice to each other.

    If you haven't thought of seeing someone about the self harm, please consider it. *hugs*

    -Grey
     
    #2

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