I am inloved but she is really straight , what will i do

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by Jho, Nov 28, 2015.

  1. Jho

    Jho Member

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2015
    Messages:
    10
    Likes Received:
    1
    I am inlove to someone but she is really straight
     
    #1
  2. laura7

    laura7 Member

    Joined:
    Nov 9, 2013
    Messages:
    14
    Likes Received:
    1
    2 possibilities:
    - Get over it
    - Convert her to the bright side

    Hope this can be helpful to you...
     
    #2
  3. Jho

    Jho Member

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2015
    Messages:
    10
    Likes Received:
    1
    What do you mean convert her to the bright side????
     
    #3
  4. laura7

    laura7 Member

    Joined:
    Nov 9, 2013
    Messages:
    14
    Likes Received:
    1
    If she's straight, you convert her to the lesbian lifestyle ;).
    You flirt with her anyway and see how she responds to you
     
    #4
  5. Jho

    Jho Member

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2015
    Messages:
    10
    Likes Received:
    1
    What will i do for my first step??
     
    #5
  6. Jho

    Jho Member

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2015
    Messages:
    10
    Likes Received:
    1
    What will i do for my first step??
     
    #6
  7. laura7

    laura7 Member

    Joined:
    Nov 9, 2013
    Messages:
    14
    Likes Received:
    1
    Firrrrrrst step would be to talk to her for example... and then flirt.
     
    #7
  8. Jho

    Jho Member

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2015
    Messages:
    10
    Likes Received:
    1
    the thing is i dont know how To flirt her??? I am scared and nervous to do that ahaha.
     
    #8
  9. sela9

    sela9 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2015
    Messages:
    64
    Likes Received:
    58
    I actually think you should get over it. "Converting her to the bright side" is not easy and there is a lot you will have to worry about...for example, if she does "convert" to be with you, is it temporary? There are so many people out there. Go find someone looking for the same thing.
     
    #9
    rainydaze, rac, Bluenote and 3 others like this.
  10. laura7

    laura7 Member

    Joined:
    Nov 9, 2013
    Messages:
    14
    Likes Received:
    1
    Well... this is how I got my gf and we are still together. You live just once and if you want to get over it you should at least try. If you are sure she isn't into women at all, then just leave it behind. But at least you would have tried.
     
    #10
    Frazier likes this.
  11. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 2, 2013
    Messages:
    743
    Likes Received:
    1,058
    Oh please...this "converting" someone advice is a crock of shit (and I say this because I also suspect an element of trolling going on given other posts...but I'll play along with the caveat that I'm not giving certain posts or certain posters any credit or credence).

    If she's completely straight -- there is no converting. Just like you can't convert a lesbian to be heterosexual. The idea of converting someone to be someone other than the person she is is so ridiculous that it doesn't really warrant addressing except to say that it's dangerous -- as it gives the people who hate us the ammunition to think we can change who we are. Having said that -- some believe in the Kinsey scale and that sexuality is fluid....that only an extreme few of us are completely heterosexual and an extreme few of us are completely homosexual..and the rest of people fall somewhere in between... therefore resulting in the notion that attraction and love are all subjective.

    Be that as it may -- if the object of OP's lusts has made it clear she's straight...then flirting/converting is not the answer. The OP doesn't give us enough information -- she just says that the person she's in love with is "really straight." This person could have made her straightness abundantly clear -- in which case, flirting or talking to her really is crappy advice. We don't know if this woman has given OP any indication that she's remotely interested in her in any sort of way. Hell, we don't even know if they're friends at all...if there's something more subtle..then perhaps talking and NOT flirting is the first way to find out if this woman is truly straight.

    So many posts on here ask about how to flirt, etc. What about reading people? -- if her words and body language tell you she's not interested, then don't flirt...period!...So, read this woman. If she's not even looking at you in more than a friend way, just stop. And..don't read into things what you want to see, either. Hoping and wishing doesn't change reality.

    OP -- read the situation and be honest with yourself. If she's made it clear she's straight -- then leave it alone. If she's not done anything to make you think that she likes you more than a friend, then accept that she's just not into you in that way.
     
    #11
    Last edited: Nov 30, 2015
    Jho, rainydaze, rac and 4 others like this.
  12. lorienczhiu

    lorienczhiu Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 18, 2013
    Messages:
    638
    Likes Received:
    596
    "Conversion" is a dangerous game, which relies on the converter blatantly, knowingly trampling on the convertee's boundaries in order get what they want. If that sounds creepy or manipulative, that's because pressuring someone into considering you as a romantic partner who has said they are not interested IS creepy and manipulative. That it sometimes works out - that there are women on this forum, trolls or otherwise, who say it's worked for them - is not a selling point, it's evidence that lots of people are comfortable ignoring someone's stated preferences, desires, and self-knowledge, and calling it romance. Gross.

    "Oh, but I'm just going to flirt with her!" you say. Okay. But I still say: if you know she is straight, pushing that boundary with flirting, the goal of which is changing her mind about her sexuality, is still disrespectful and raises all my hackles. Consent and healthy communication do not begin with "Yeah, so you believe this about yourself, but I think you're wrong and am going to pursue you until you see that I am right." Respect her agency and identity, because the least loving way to treat someone you care for is to prioritize your desire over their autonomy. "Me wanting to get into your pants is more important than what you know about who you are." Again: gross.

    If she is interested but has never examined her attraction to women - okay, sometimes that happens, and maybe you want to be her litmus test. If it's that important, you can let her know you like her and let her come to you, knowing that you will risk your friendship. The only thing you can do is tell her and let her decide. I still wouldn't recommend pushing it, because you're never going to know what is her wanting you and what is her being manipulated by your desires. For every "but my GF was straight, and now I'm her exception!" we also hear lots of "so, I'm in this sexless relationship with a girl who won't hold my hand or tell her family about it, how can restore the passion to what it never was" [read: make her not straight]. I can dig up some links if you need them.

    If someone is not into you, for reasons of straightness or otherwise, be gracious and move on. Enjoy your crush for what it is - unrequited, fantasy, and about to be over. And just imagine how much better this love/lust will be when it is real and returned.
     
    #12
    rainydaze, rac and Spygirl like this.
  13. rac

    rac Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 8, 2014
    Messages:
    274
    Likes Received:
    251
    @Jho, is she a friend of yours or some girl you occasionally see at the coffee shop at the corner? I'm not being sarcastic but a little more information maybe helpful. You originally said you're in love with her so that made me think you have known her for quite some time. Then you said you wanted to flirt - did that mean you don't know her name yet?

    Anyway, let's assume for now that she is more than an acquaintance and you want to know if she is into you. People who like you will act like they like you. But that doesn't really mean they like you the way you like them to like you. It could just mean they're being nice. So how to really know? Take a deep breath and ask. If she says no then you should move on.

    Now if you're asking how to flirt so you can get to know her better, I'm not really an expert so I'd let others give you advice on that.

    If you are asking if you have a chance with this girl... maybe. My gf exclusively dated men before she dated me. But let's make this clear, I never thought I "converted" her nor I ever tried to. We were respectful of each others feelings. As corny as it sounds, we were at the right place at the right time, we simply fell for each other.
     
    #13
    rainydaze likes this.
  14. Jho

    Jho Member

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2015
    Messages:
    10
    Likes Received:
    1
    Yes, she's my friend of mine we met 1 year ago, we are going out having coffee after worked. She has something that i cannot explain if i am with her i am happy period . The thing is just now someone called me (he is a guy) then he told me that he has a big problem then i found out that they are dating with that girl that i like so i felt so f****up.
     
    #14
  15. Jho

    Jho Member

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2015
    Messages:
    10
    Likes Received:
    1
    Anyway your totally right thanks
     
    #15
  16. Jho

    Jho Member

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2015
    Messages:
    10
    Likes Received:
    1
    Hi i think i will stop!!!
     
    #16
  17. Jho

    Jho Member

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2015
    Messages:
    10
    Likes Received:
    1
     
    #17
    sela9 likes this.
  18. rac

    rac Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 8, 2014
    Messages:
    274
    Likes Received:
    251
    Ok, so she is a friend. And you're starting to look at her differently. But now you found out a guy friend is dating her (I'll assume he is your friend since he called you.) Does he know you like her? Did she mention to you they're dating? Are you out too everyone? Did she show any sign that she likes you? See, here's the thing - there wasn't enough information to even give you, I don't know, an educated guess? I'd like to give you hope because people from this forum gave me hope when I needed it and now, gf and I are getting ready to move in together. But I'm also not one who will give out hope when there's really nothing there. I just don't know where to go based on your posts.

    So maybe gives us more information and then maybe we'll know better what to tell you. Btw, people said let it go because at one point someone said conversion and I don't think that was your intention and this post just went to a different direction. If you still need help, please post more information
     
    #18
  19. Jho

    Jho Member

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2015
    Messages:
    10
    Likes Received:
    1
    She never mentioned that they are dating. Or i will just ignore her maybe. Find someone without headaches .i dont know if she just need me when she needs something or she is asking something. Ive done everything whatever she asked for. i think i really need to stop
     
    #19

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice