I’m always mistaken for a dude!

Discussion in 'Advice on Meeting Women' started by RileyG, Sep 26, 2019.

  1. RileyG

    RileyG New Member

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    Hey y’all,
    This is my first post and first time ever reaching out to a forum for help so hopefully someone out there could steer me in the right direction. No one knows how to help me, not family or friends, seeing as they never dealt with this issue...So I have always been a more masculine female or i’d say a tomboy. I don’t consider myself a butch at all or a stud. I’ve always been tall, lean muscled, and up until I joined the Marines, I did have long hair. I cut it off to avoid my hairline thinning from putting it into a bun everyday. So I have short hair now, I get a fade every week and I like to dress as fresh as possible. I never liked to wear girlier clothes. It makes me feel uncomfortable. Until I joined the Marines, I never felt like myself for trying to make myself look and dress feminine. I still wear jewelry and mascara but that’s as far as it goes....so my problem now, based of how I described myself, you could see why I’m getting misperceived as a man. It’s become a great insecurity. After all the years of being insecure for dressing and looking how I did not want to, now I’m in secure for how I like to look....My biggest problems are 1. Going into my correct restroom and strangers freaking out that I’m in the wrong restroom and even going to get the bouncers and security when I go out. That’s how bad it gets. Like men trying to grab me like I’m a dude and stop me from using a women’s restroom. 2. Getting called sir. I always ignore it usually, but sometimes I’ll correct it when I got time. I hate correcting when there’s a lot of people around though because then I take notice to them all getting wide eyed like, “what, that’s a girl??” It pisses me off and I have trouble getting over it. 3. I’m afraid to approach women because I feel like they’ll think I’m a dude and I don’t want to have to go up and say, “Hey. I’m Riley. I’m a female. Do you also like girls?” It’s bad enough I have to figure out the square root of pi just to see if they’re even gay. But I also have to double make sure they’re aware I’m a woman so I can even figure out if they are into women themselves. But seriously, it’s become a great burden in my life and though I’d love to grow my hair back out again because I did love it, I just don’t have the patience for that awkwardness with the rules and regulations when in uniform...Also, almost all my friends say I do indeed look like a girl and they don’t know why it’s such an issue for me. Idk if they’re just trying to be nice though. Others though did say they straight up thought I was a dude when they first met me and then as soon as they started to hear me talk and just converse, they figured it out. But it’s these public interactions and the dating scene that is killing my joy right now. Let me hear y’alls solutions. Thank you!
     
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  2. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    I have seen this happen to very feminine people who had cut their hair short and are quite lean. People look at general shapes and not details. I am sure it is quite the nuisance when you had to explain. I think being able to have confidence with how you look and what you wear is important. I once saw this woman years ago in a bathroom during a concert and she wore very boyish everything. I like my women femme but I thought she was just beautiful and it was all in the way she carried herself. You are good looking and fit and I bet you are quite dignified in wearing exactly the clothes and hair style that you like. I hope you can find ways in projecting that and even if you'd turn heads, no one will mess with you again.
     
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    RileyG likes this.
  3. ratbloom

    ratbloom New Member

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    I get called sir all the time. I figure they see short hair, tall person, no make up--must be a guy. I try to laugh it off as much as I can, because I know it's not malicious. Getting kicked out of bathrooms is insane, and that's awful that happened to you. I wonder if you could employ some old school signals, like jewelry in a cartilage piercing on your upper ear or something. When I see someone who I can't decide if they are a hot lesbian or surprisingly well dressed dude, I look for things like that, or rings on fingers (draws attention to the hands), and well fitted clothes. You don't have to dress femininely at all to still put out the message that you're a woman who's into other women.
     
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    greylin likes this.

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