How to tell if a girl is flirting or just bei...

Discussion in 'Does She Like Me?' started by GreenBeen, Dec 10, 2013.

  1. GreenBeen

    GreenBeen Well-Known Member

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    Hey afterellen,

    Let's say a girl gives you extended eye contact when she talks to you. Raises her eyebrows when she says hello to you. Sometimes winks at you. You catch her staring at you from a distance. Other days she suddenly acts cold. Pretends not to see you when she passes by you, avoids eye contact and completely ignores you. How do you explain that behaviour?

    This has been going on with a girl at the hospital I volunteer for awhile now. We've been volunteering there for the past two years, we were never friends, but we have been volunteering at the same time for about two years, nobody knows that I am lesbian but I think people might know since A girl I know who use to volunteer there had seen my profile on this lesbian dating site so perhaps people know who knows.

    I have found out that she has a boyfriend so I don't bother trying to get involved or anything like that, I just go and volunteer and do my thing. I don't go out of my way to speak to her or anything like that. But before I knew she had a boyfriend, she had caught me staring at her a few times, smiling at her often, and giving her long eye contact so I think she might know I like her.

    In all I'm just trying to understand if this is considered flirting behaviour or just being friendly. Girls sometimes give these look eye contact and raise their eye brows I mean how do you know for sure when a girl is just being nice to you or flirting?
     
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  2. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    Re: How to tell if a girl is flirting or just...

    I don't think she was flirting. She could be curious because you were giving her the same vibe and maybe she later confirmed what those vibes could mean if she heard that you are gay.

    Even if she didn't know or was not responding to you, it still seems pretty much like curiosity rather than flirting. I get curious about people and sometimes caught myself staring at them. Once I saw this dude standing in a street corner with a tweed jacket and I kept glancing over as I was driving. Something about that particular visual just caught my eye and trust me, I don't want that dude or was trying to flirt.
     
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  3. Corinne

    Corinne Active Member

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    Re: How to tell if a girl is flirting or just...

    Thats the thing, you cant tell if a woman is into you by how she looks at you. I get looks like that by women all the time which makes me think does she like me? But later i learn they have a husband. So maybe they are just being friendly. Maybe if you try talking to this girl you will recieve more hints that tell if she likes you or not
     
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  4. Ren

    Ren Member

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    Re: How to tell if a girl is flirting or just...

    I don't really agree with the other two responses. There are definitely times when a woman's interest is unmistakable by how she looks at you; it's just not necessarily often. I've had it happen at least three times.

    I also think we've become a society where damn-near everything is considered "flirting." Just because a woman is looking at you a certain way--or a man, for that matter, is looking at you a certain way--doesn't mean they're flirting. To me, flirting takes effort. Sometimes people are interested and aren't good at hiding it. That's not the same thing as flirting. Long story short--it's possible she's interested in you. I don't really think women go around winking at other women; that's not a normal "we're just two hetero girls" thing, in my opinion, especially if it happens more than once with the same chick.

    The other thing is...the coldness is actually a sign to me, too. My experience is a lot of chicks who are not out, are confused, living a hetero life without being hetero and such do a hot-and-cold routine with women who interest them because they're freaked out by their feelings and aren't quite ready for it, and/or they are worried other people will notice if they keep giving you signs. Especially depending on how old you and she are, a girl's having a boyfriend doesn't mean jackcrap. Short of someone being bipolar or having other mental issues, or having several bad days/being moody by nature, most people are not going to act hot-and-cold with you--they're fairly consistent. So, I think it adds to the equation that she's hot-and-cold.

    Personally, I think she's interested, which is not to say she wants to date you or anything--but I think you interest her in more than a friendship type way. I think it just takes more experience with lesbians (lesbians at all phases, not just out or closeted ones) and good observational or intuitive skills to be able to tell these kinds of things...
     
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  5. GreenBeen

    GreenBeen Well-Known Member

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    Re: How to tell if a girl is flirting or just...

    Thank you all for the responses.i try not to read into situations like these, but it seems like there is at least a little tension/ interest going on. Not that I would do anything about it, since she has a boyfriend, like I mentioned, I just do my own thing I don't go out of my way to talk to her or whatever. Were both in our twenties.

    Update: the hot and cold behaviour keeps on happening. For instance, I was looking around the room one day looking for someone, she caught me staring at her, and smiled and raised her eyebrows. Then, a few days after that I was washing my hands. She was standing next to me getting a coffee. I was minding my business not looking at her or anything, but then from the corner of my eye I see her completely turned and facing me and staring at me. So as I noticed her, she is just there smiling and staring at me so I just said hello how are you, and glanced back to my hands smiling and blushing. I then go and throw out my paper and was reading my phone , and then again, i thought she was leaving the cafeteria before me, but she just stood there in front of me staring at me, and I look up and she starts smiling and asking me questions. Were both there blushing and smiling and talking. I just treat her the way she treats me, so I ask her the same questions she asks me as she was asking me as she was leaving before me, and again she completely turns around and walks back to answer me as she's smiling.

    Then, she switched on to the cold behaviour a few days after that. I'm waiting to go to one of the offices, and one of her friends was standing next to me. So the girl I'm into passes by us, says hello to her friend who is next to me, looks at me and doesn't say anything and decreased her smile as she looked at me, I didn't say anything either but simply had a polite smile on my face.She passed by again a second time and ignored me again but said hello again to her friend. I don't get it, it's like as if she didn't want her friend knowing that she talks to me, I might be reading into it, maybe she was shy? It's this hot and cold behaviour that confuses me but at the same time seems like its a sign that she doesn't want to show that she's interested or something.
     
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  6. carabella

    carabella Well-Known Member

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    Re: How to tell if a girl is flirting or just...

    Green Bean, as someone else put rather well on this topic; some people are just hot/cold. I'm exactly the same. I genuinely really like someone in my office but I can't help moments where I'm busy/ in a rush/ up to my eyes and barely get a 'hello' out when she walks past my desk. If it's just the two of us, I think the blushing gives the game away. Maybe she's in the same boat as me and simply can't relax when there are other people around, not out of fear or anything like that, but simply that she's a private person and can drop her guard a little when it's just the two of you.
     
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  7. Chrystele

    Chrystele Well-Known Member

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    Re: How to tell if a girl is flirting or just...

    If you get tips or an answer, please, please tell me cause I'm terrible at reading "the vibes".... :roll:
     
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  8. Counselor

    Counselor Member

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    Re: How to tell if a girl is flirting or just...

    first answer one question: do i like the girl?

    if the answer to that question is yes, then the odds are high in favor of her not flirting with you. because when we like someone we look for anything that might indicate that she shares our feeling, and we end up fantasizing most of it. we analyse the hell out of a look, a stare, a statement, an eyebrow...etccc

    however if the answer to that question is no, and you notice these weird stares, then you can assume they are real and the girl might actually be interested.
     
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  9. Ms Day

    Ms Day Member

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    Re: How to tell if a girl is flirting or just...

    Well,I'd say eye contact is the usual first sign. If it is lingering, frequent, intense... but it could also mean nothing at all... so it should be combined with other signs. I had this woman come on to me recently and, even though she was being quite overt about it, it took me like forever to realize. She would always be smiling, she would make an effort to talk to me and to be near me. She laughed at all my silly comments - all of them, and remembered absolutely everything I ever said to her. I, naturally, started flirting back at her, praising her for her accomplishments, like she did me. But I was quite "generic" about it, you know, not openly flirting, but also, well, definitely trying to charm her without showing any of my real intentions.

    Then she got my phone number from someone else, started texting me, then calling me daily, in spite of the fact that we would see each other every day because of my work. She asked me out for coffee and told me she was, indeed, flirting with me. Of course she always knew I was into her and could read me clearly, every one of my reactions to each of her flirtatious moves. Even though no one else in our group noticed anything.

    Perhaps she should be the one answering this question, right? Oh, and by the way, I am gay. She claims not to be. So... there you have it... (not much of a helping hint, huh?)
     
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