How to flirt without being too invasive?

Discussion in 'Advice (Dear AE...)' started by Mel123, Sep 30, 2015.

  1. Mel123

    Mel123 Member

    Sep 12, 2015
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    I like this girl and I want to show her that I like her but I don't want to be too direct with my feelings because I am afraid she will get scared or uncomfortable, considering she might be straight. I don't want to ruin our developing relationship, whether that is romanic or even a friendship if she doesn't see me in that way.
  2. InvisibleBeauty

    InvisibleBeauty New Member

    Oct 1, 2015
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    I had a friend once that was crushing hard on me for a year. I wasnt even attracted to girls at the time, which she knew. This is why she had to take her time and subtly drop hints to me. She never once openly hit on me. Instead, she just asked me to hang out all the time and made sure that when we did that it was just the teo of us alone. It's easier to be more "intimate" (not sexually, just cant think of a better word) when its just both of you hanging out alone in a private setting. She would always make it a point to sit on the same couch as me instead of the perfectly open couch across the room. Eventually our conversations got deeper and she would throw subtle hints into the conversation that hinted towards her feeling for me. For example: if we talked about past relationships or times when people hurt us she would say things like "I would never do something like that to you, u deserve better" Very subtle clues that didnt scare me, but also very effective in telling me her true feelings. Just try inviting this girl to hang out at your house a lot, where its just the two of you, but its also not unusual for "just friends" to be alone at each others houses. That way you can get closer to her without her getting scared off.

    Oh! And btw, her and I have been together for 3 years now even though I didnt identify as gay at the time. She made a straight girl fall for her and also turned me full blown lesbian. Never knew how much better girls are then guys.
    Sorry for the long Story! Hope it helps
    Last edited: Oct 1, 2015
    iceblinkluck and Mel123 like this.
  3. iceblinkluck

    iceblinkluck Member

    Oct 7, 2015
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    This girl sounds like a boss. Congrats to both of you.

    OP, this is really solid advice. Anytime you're not sure of a girl's sexuality you don't want to come on too strong. This is a great time to put those people-reading skills to use; they work in all social situations, not just romantic ones. Here's some reading to get you started:
    Pi3, InvisibleBeauty and Mel123 like this.
  4. hum_dinger

    hum_dinger Well-Known Member

    May 16, 2013
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    Yeah I would agree with InvisibleBeauty about being subtle. Try keeping eye contact while talking to her and smiling. If she laughs at your jokes and seems interested in what you are talking about that's a good sign.

    I think you can gauge if there's chemistry, even it's just in a friendship way. If two people have a mutual connection, I think it's easy to see. If you work together, try hanging with her on a works night out and talking about films. If you agree on a film you like why not say "We should totally have a film night at my place and watch it". If she seems keen she may like you and if not she might feel uncomfortable about the idea of being alone with you. I think you'll probably be able to tell based on her reaction

    I hope you find out and if you do, let us know!:)
    Last edited: Feb 7, 2016

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