How to be friends after 1st love?

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by Beatsntunes, May 7, 2017.

  1. Beatsntunes

    Beatsntunes New Member

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    Hey there,

    I'm currently going through my first break-up ever, and I feel the need to talk with other lesbian women about their experiences in this area...

    My relationship lasted 1 year and 3 months. I met my girlfriend on Tinder and after 5 weeks of dating, we were a couple. Both of us were inexperienced, and had never had a relationship before. We were both so happy to have found each other. We were happy-go-lucky for about a year. A few months ago, I started noticing her becoming less physical with me. We still had loads of fun, though, and although sex became less frequent, it was always amazing if it did happen.

    After a few big fights last month, my girlfriend told me that she needed some space to figure out what she wants. She told me it 'doesn't feel like before'. We agreed that we would break up for a month, so that she could find out if she still loved me. After eight days of radio silence, I simply couldn't take the uncertainty anymore and asked her for a converstation, which she agreed on.

    She told me she didn't feel the need to kiss me anymore, and had hoped that the feelings would return for some time now. After a long and tearful conversation, we decided it would be better to break up. We don't want to lose each other and decided to stay friends. A few days after the break-up, we gathered all her stuff and brought it back to her apartment. We played basketball and had a few drinks at her place. We told each other how grateful we are, how much we've learned etc. We even had some fun reminiscing. It felt like closure and I am hopeful for the future.

    However, I cannot change my feelings overnight. I still love her and I'm still attracted to her. We've agreed on a few weeks apart, so that I can get over her. My question: how do you stay friends with your first love? What are the do's and don'ts? Please tell me about your experiences.

    I would be forever thankful!
     
    #1
    Last edited: May 8, 2017
  2. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    My, you two have had a very amicable split. That is a good start to getting through this period of time where you are griefing your loss. I think it maybe healthy for you to think of friendship with her as an eventual maybe rather than a goal for you right now.

    Right now, I understand your feeling of not wanting a total loss of her but it maybe necessary. Right now, it is learning how to put one foot in front of another and finding yourself as that magnificent single person again. Hang out with friends, do the things she doesn't enjoy and so you had skipped doing while with her. Keep her off your social media circle. Be very kind to yourself. You are a thoughtful person and I wish you much happiness in your life.
     
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  3. Beatsntunes

    Beatsntunes New Member

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    Hi greylin, thank you so much for your kind words. This helps a lot.
     
    #3
  4. TheScandinavian

    TheScandinavian Well-Known Member

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    Honestly said, I think it really depends on how things ended and if the person is worth it because they may suck as a lover but be the best friend one could ask for. Think whether you want this person back in your life & whether they may be up for this as well (a relationship of any sorts takes two (if not more) willing participants). :)
     
    #4
  5. Danielle01

    Danielle01 Active Member

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    I'm going through this now we was togeather for 9 months and it was her that ended it as much as it's sucking now only Been a day but id like in a few weeks that we can slowly talk like we did before we got togeather like friends as she was a great support to me through 2 of the hardest things in my life her reason for ending are hers alone and if it was ment to be it would be I'll just be happy to still have her in my life. Hope this is some help.
     
    #5

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