How soon is too soon for "the talk"?

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by outwestmidwest, Feb 12, 2016.

  1. outwestmidwest

    outwestmidwest New Member

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    How soon have y'all had the "where are we going"/define the relationship talk? There's this girl I've seen gone out with maybe 12 or 13 times since November, we kissed a bunch but haven't slept together. We text all the time, but are still in that phase where hanging out is takes a lot of planning (we're also both super busy). Sometimes I think she's trying to talk to me about us in a roundabout way. We once had conversation over text about our thoughts on relationships, like what she theoretically wants from one, and she asked why I felt like I was ready for one after avoiding it for so long. But we never actually discussed it in the context of "us." She also randomly, almost off-handedly mentioned that she takes things slow in relationships, but again in a way where she was just stating a fact. Weird, right? She did just get out of a relationship before we started dating so maybe this stuff is just on her mind.

    I like her, and I can see this going somewhere if she wants, and I don't object to spending time with her and kissing her goodnight. But at the same time I do want to know how she feels about things. Is it way to early to check in and have the talk?
     
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  2. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

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    Relationships are not a "one size fits all" proposition. There are so many intangibles to consider, that really everything is dependent upon the people involved and the situation as a whole. And thus, there is no universal time table as to what is right for one relationship to the next. Some people sleep together on the first date -- some take months...some people don't want to define themselves to be in a "serious relationship" for months -- others might uHaul it into a commitment after a handful of dates. Either of those scenarios could yield successful, solid relationships.

    If you've been dating since November, I don't think it's "too soon" to discuss the parameters of the situation. Are either of you dating other people? Do you want to be exclusive, etc.? At the same time, the talk doesn't have to mean "do or die"...that is, you don't have to throw it out there like this: "are we in a relationship or aren't we?" You can approach this in a non-threatening way to discuss what it is you ultimately want...where you are now, and where you'd like for this to go in the future. Baby steps can be less intimidating, but for sure you should check in to see if you're both on the same page. If she's not ready for a relationship, then at least you can both focus on what both of you need to get there, if that's what the both of you want.
     
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    Last edited: Feb 12, 2016
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  3. Lauren_1989

    Lauren_1989 Active Member

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    I think you're well within your rights to ask her where this is going. You've taken the time to see her, spend time with her, court her, it doesn't sound like you're pushing her in to anything she doesn't want to do, so ask.

    Just because you're asking where your relationship is going doesn't mean that anything has to change between you, you can still take things slow, see each other when it's possible but at least you'll have the clarity you want and, like Spygirl said, you'll know where you stand in terms on exclusivity, whether she is dating other people, etc.
     
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  4. outwestmidwest

    outwestmidwest New Member

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    Thanks for the advice, this is really helpful! To answer your question, I have seen a couple other people but never more than once or twice. I really don't know if she is or not... She did seem a tiny bit jealous when I mentioned I was seeing an ex who lives in town. Damn maybe we do need the talk lol.
     
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